Sitting by the Stage Curtains

My quiz paper was barely covered in solutions this afternoon another reason to be sad and consequently another reason why I must guard my time with the Lord fiercely. I’m experiencing a major backlog in my academic work as a by product of a week’s practice and choreography for last Sunday’s cantata. I’m trying to survive on half my usual sleeping time so I can recover and I still find myself skipping meals because of my schedule. I quit as an applicant to Ex Libris. And yet, I would not have it any other way.

It’s been two days since the Cantata and I’m still on a hangover. I learnt so much about myself, other people and God during that hectic week. I’ve been extremely blessed by the entire incident. Every night last week, I would walk home wanting to write something in my journal or post on my blog, but (like Janna) I was too exhausted to do anything, even my academics.

So I’m trying to recover all that might be lost from memory (who knows, I might have Alzheimer’s in the future?).

I call the other ladies of the dance ministry “my girls” (Lulu calls me “Mommy”). I have found myself extremely protective and caring towards them. I guess it’s only natural when you spend at least three hours a day with them, knowing that they’re there because they desire to worship the Lord and that they are giving so much more than just their bodies and their time. Maybe it occurred during the collective thirst, hunger and fatigue during the practice. Or during our scary night at the College of Education where we all saw a ghost.

I smile when I remember them and the moments we had. Kit has probably said more thank you’s and sorry’s to me than everyone else has in this entire year. Lulu is always bubbling over with stories or jokes or encouragement. I wouldn’t have even tried choreographing “What Child is This?” had it not been for her gentle yet persistent push. Kate chose to be there even if she’s already busy with the Indakan and had exams coming up. Nellie gave up review time and choreographed the later half of “God of Wonders” even if it wasn’t her job. Salve, our resident hair net designer, gave herself to the dance despite commitments in the ushering team. Janna lent a quiet strength to me and perhaps the others. All of them pitched in ideas, steps, advice, laughter, smiles and hugs. All of them sought to praise the Lord and I was blessed by that desire in them. I know God was pleased with them, with us. Definitely one of the most fabulous moments in my life.

I am thankful that God allowed me to know these daughters of His in this way. I never would have thought Janna as the sort of person who made jokes or giggled. She’s always seemed so shy and pensive. She’s still that but there’s a wacky side to her. I’ve never received thanks for praying so Kit was my first. I’ve never received a hug after dancing so Lulu was my first. I never felt moved to pray for the people I work with and have them hear those prayers so the dance ministry is my first. I’ve always been a “lifter” in dances (never a “liftee”) and these ladies are certainly not my last.

Kit and Lulu have a strength that one does not realize at first. Maybe their youthfulness lends them the aura of vulnerability but they are strong women, believe me. And those that I perceive to be strong, myself included, have a sensitive and soft side that hurts too.

I’ve never wanted to punch someone but last Sunday I did. And someone above me at that! How I kept my cool only God knows. I have given it up to the Lord, acknowledging that it hurt not only me but others. By His grace, I forgave and let go. It is such a blessing though to read the apology shortly after my talk with the Lord regarding this matter.

I wanted to shake the wits out of two men last Sunday for not being there for their sisters. Their sisters worked hard and long and they missed that glorious moment. Again, I have to forgive.

I had Ate Mikay follow my preferences with the costume and that cost her nights without sleep. I forgot to pray and prepare devotionals for the dance team some of the times we practiced. I took my best friend’s efforts for granted. I was lax in my academics. I made a terrible noise with my pointe shoes during the performance of ‘What Child is This?” For these things, I have to learn to forgive myself.

And still I look up and find my Lord smiling.