In Disarray

• The "single-sex" dorms had a Christmas party at kuya dave's house. Oooh, I really want to be as hospitable and as warm as Ate June. We feasted on pancit, cake and, get this, PARFAIT!!! I would have gone back for a second serving but there wasn't any left. We played games (Kuya Dave makes for a very efficient gamemaster). Then we settled down to worship through song (I love it when men lead because I get to sing along without worrying about hitting high notes) and a message care of Kuya Jan. I was so blessed to be there in a fellowship again. I met a lot of new friends and heard a lot about God's wonders in our individual lives. I felt like an orphan who'd been taken in and given her first Christmas party.
• I encountered a new word: Neo-puritan. Kuya Dave says he's the only one in DCF and DCBC who's neo-puritan. What in the world...
• I cried over a "problem" in public. I don't usually do that. In fact, I never do. But tonight as we walked out of the house and back to our respective dorms, I felt so overwhelmingly lonely that it was all I could do to keep from crumbling and keep walking (much thanks to Sheena for propping me up). I'll be heading home on Friday and when I get there, I'll have to live without the communities I have come to love so dearly: DCF and DCBC. Don't get me wrong. I want to go home too. I really miss my family. But it's sad to know that I won't have another believer to talk to, pray with or simply sit with for about two weeks. So, I'm praying that God would make fertile the hearts at home to His Gospel. I yearn to celebrate Christmas with my mom, dad, two brothers and grandmother knowing that they're in a relationship with the birthday celebrant.
• She's not talking to me. I guess I've disappointed/hurt her again. Like that's news! Ah, well, tis the season to be merry they say...Hah! You could cut the tension in the room with a butter knife. I wonder how this year's Christmas party here in 122 will be like... Advance apologies to Apple and Gillian in case they notice the odd note in the symphony of our room.
• I just found out and I'm not sure how to react: Roxanne will be leaving Ilang next year. Sheena and Nellie are graduating. There are only four of us right now. Okay, take away the three of them leaves? Leaves me.
• It's not fair that the world can easily delimit the population from which to sample my possible crushes by considering only two questions: (1) Who are the men older or as old as Ate Krissy and (2) Who are guys around her that are taller than her? Not that the world is making much progress in that study. I don't understand why they're interested in the first place. I'm a bore in that part of my life.
• Yes, I have crushes.
• Roxanne and Sheena. Thanks for being so brave. Thanks for coming to the party with me. Thanks for being around these days to listen, to tell me stories, to remind me of things, to rebuke me and to hug me. I seem to be needing a lot of all those things lately.
• I took the Spiritual Gifts Inventory. According to the evaluation sheet, my dominant gift is service and helps. No surprise there. What surprises me is that the second gift after that is Mercy.
• I figured, if I got to know the person more, all my struggles will end. I think I just like the projected image I get in my imagination.
• Last night, I was blind for some time. I could see nothing but pitch black even if I was all but popping my eyes out of their sockets. I rubbed them to check and I still couldn't see anything. I'm still wondering what caused my "black-out".
• God is so great and good. That I know to be true even when I'm in disarray. Amazing grace.