Joy to Me! (does that make sense?!)

I’ve just arrived from cantata. My leotards and tights are in disarray on my bed and I’ve yet to unpack, but for once my obsessive compulsive nature to be neat and clean is not following through. I guess I’m too happy. No, change that. I’m joyful.

This afternoon’s practices led to comments that the dance team did not look like we were taking things seriously. We were giggling, making mistakes and making them obvious, smiling too wide and generally doing a sloppy job. But what a transformation! When it came to the real performance, we all pulled through! Sure, we could have been more synchronized, but we made an insignificant number of mistakes, our faces somehow radiated the serenity of worship and I believe that just as we prayed for, everything but the desire to have the Lord delighted was left in us.

That’s only a small part of why I’m joyful.

There is much I could complain about. But I find myself laughing over those incidents that might otherwise been really annoying bumps on the road if not for God’s guidance and grace. Like I said, the practice was a disaster. Then, we rushed to change into our costumes and put on make-up. We rushed our prayer before our performance because we barely finished preparing when the curtain call came for us. By this time, we were no longer warmed up and that’s the reason most of my dancers are sore right now.

While God of Wonders was up (Janna, Kate, Kit and Nellie danced to this), I was almost hysterical backstage. I couldn’t find my toe pads!!! The pointe shoes would simply kill my toes if I didn’t pad them. But time constraints forced me to wear them unpadded. Then when I tried a simple on pointe fifth position, my arches screamed. I wasn’t warmed up!!! I panicked because there was no way I could survive my solo part if my arches were burning. So I went through a couple of plies and grand battements (leg throws) in hopes to warm up and the entire time I was praying “Lord, please help me. I can’t do this like this.” It takes me a good hour of dancing or activity to get warmed up and flexible. And there I was trying to do it in under five minutes.

But me and Lulu survived and I can only and truly say that it was the Lord who sustained me. While dancing my solo in my pointes, I totally forgot everything, even the pain in my feet. If my face was serene, then it was deceiving. The Lord knows that the entire time I was dancing I was praying. Lulu had to adjust to me several times because I suddenly put in new steps and forgot some of the others. While being congratulated a while ago, I wanted to tell the entire world that most of the dance was free style and on-the-spot improvisation. It was like I was separate from my body and I would think, “Wow! What in the world is my arm doing?!” God was choreographing my steps right then and there!

And seriously, the same thing happened with the I Can Only Imagine dance! The Spirit’s presence and His reminders and guidance was truly there on the stage tonight. And the encounter lingers still.

As we made our exit after our final dance this evening, I found myself utterly overwhelmed. I could not help but weep at the lord’s graciousness, beauty, and love. I am so unworthy and yet this! I come wanting to see His face and He meets me! I look in the mirror and see a no one and yet He tells me I am His very image. I dance for Him and He chooses the active role of dancing with me and not just watching me. I am nothing and yet He calls me beloved!

Surely, all the dead toenails, aching muscles, dance mistakes, applause, cheer and comments, ragged nights and fuzzy mornings, rebukes from leaders, the fact that The Guy wasn’t there, praises from superiors, hugs, handshakes, beautiful costumes and renown CANNOT compare to HIM!

To the Lord be all glory, praise and honor for HE IS WORTHY!!!