It has been 2 months. But it feels like 5. I think of the months to come and a solid vine of loneliness grips me.

I threw myself into family when they were around. That helped but it was still painful. I am too proud to let my mother see me cry but I was unable to hide during one of my sobfests in the US. Every word of comfort she said to me only made me cry harder.

Now it is more difficult. Family is far. I have thrown myself into work only to get sick. So I think now that God will not let me ignore my brokenness. I figured that the way to survive this time was to distract myself. But it seems as though He would have me face it head on.

A good friend told me that God is using this time to further mold me. I guess this fact is comforting only in the aftermath of it all, when Carlo is home again. Until then… my comfort is the hope that I might truly appreciate His word that He is close to the broken-hearted.

**I realize the fact that I am not broken-hearted in the usual sense of the word... Nonetheless, I think the words still apply to my current state of feeling like I am lost.