Which way? Sit? Okay, I'll sit and be still.

It's not so bad after all. Worries just got the better of me. It's still frustrating and very tiring that I don't have a definite routine yet. But life has been quite an adventure lately and I may be losing pounds living it. Hehe.

I've had lots of promising first and second interviews with very good companies. I'm sorely tempted to insist on my choice of work, but God has been enabling me to pray for His best instead of what I think is best. "I establish your steps", He tells me and then proceeds to give me grace to trust and surrender.

Living on campus and having the luck to reside in a dorm that's just a stroll away from my college building has definitely not prepared me for long commutes. For those who don't know, I live with my Tita in Paranaque right now. To get to UP, I have to take four rides and the average time I spend travelling is 1.5 hours. Being a night owl certainly does not help with waking up early. But, with a lot of help from my Tita and 7 year old niece, I haven't missed or been late for an appointment. I've discovered the joys of commuting. What joys you ask. Well, you get to plan the day ahead or examine the day that was. You get to spend time thinking, reflecting, or praying. And you can lose weight. Public transporation in the Philippines is a entire workout: climbing stairs, running after buses, strenghthening your core by trying to maintain an upright position while standing... And if you happen to be wearing a suit, the summer weather will give you a sauna treatment.

Speaking of my niece (some sentences earlier), being around her has made me realize I don't have a lot of a disciplinarian energy in me. One smile and my irritation is gone. Not in the mood to bathe? Fine, I'll give her fifteen minutes to get one and then I'll give her another fifteen minutes. I can't even muster enough to intimidate her into listening to me. I am bound to spoil my kids. *Grimaces*

Anyway, I have a room all to myself and that's something I've always dreamed of. I wasn't wrong about all the perks it has. I have a lot of privacy which means I don't have to feel conscious while praying (I tend to pray out loud). It's good for my GRE review too. Somehow, I have managed to stay away from the television with all it's channels, Gray's Anatomy and House. I am tempted to use the phone a lot but since I don't have anyone to call locally its escaped an unpleasant fate. There's a community pool that I enjoy almost every night. I wasn't very close to my Tita and cousins before but they are such a riot that it's hard to be lonely during the day. God is good. Really.

Graduation is this Thursday and I don't even have a dress or shoes. I'm STILL not feeling it. Haha... This is unusual behavior for a Mel-Phleg like me.

Okay, this post clearly has no theme. Sorry.

I want to stay, I want to go

This is no longer home for me. The packing has kept me preoccupied so the misery hasn't set in until now. I'm done packing almost six years worth of UP life. Tomorrow, I'll be home for the first time in five months. Tonight, I am besieged with worries.

Four hours from now I'll move to my Tita Perla's place in Paranaque. Four days from now I'll start working at NIH. I feel like I've been stripped of all my comforts - friends, familiar places and the comfortable routine of student life. It's depressing but I must move along. The light for my path these days is the knowledge that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The life I lead may change drastically but the One who leads me changes not. With that I can close my eyes and sleep in His embrace of love that casts out all my fears.

Come on inspiration!

Posting used to be so easy for me. There were once days I'd publish three posts. Nowadays, I actually struggle. Sitting at a table, fingers poised above the keyboard, and eyes searching the ceiling for some hint of inspiration is no way to live. Thank God my mother discouraged me from a career in journalism... I think. No insult meant to those who are in that field. You guys are gifted beings.

I'd rather be presented with a normal probability plot and I'll regurgitate an entire bunch of words in milliseconds. Toxic is the word for me. I love my major and all, but too much of a good thing is bad. Throw in weeks of sleeplessness, anxiety, a lot of green tea and siomai. Perfect mix for writer's block.

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Big load off has been taken off my chest so at least the whole breathing thing is easier. =P Last Saturday's thesis defense was my most successful one ever. My professor was impressed and had no questions about our paper whatsoever. To think that we had just two days to write that up and analyze the data. That is what I call divine intervention. I praise God for the results. I did some David dancing (didn't get anywhere near naked though!) in front of my professor in stilettos out of the sheer joy and amazement at my Lord. I scored wounds on my feet that day but who cares? Ballet prepared me well. *Winks*

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There are major decisions I have to make. Do I start working full time? Or do I concentrate on reviewing for the GRE? Do I really want to work for this particular company? Where am I going to live? Where am I going to get my finances? How can I arrange things so that I can still be around friends and still attend church? The answers don't come easy especially when it's not just my life that's going to be affected. It's rather terrifying so I'm glad of the constant assurance of God's leading and wisdom. He has led me through shadow and valley with unfailing mercy. Surely He will lead me with the same gentle firmness and love through the coming months.

Then there are the minor, everyday or hourly decisions I face. Some days ago, I flopped down on my bed and said " God, ten thousand angels around my heart right now wouldn't be such a bad idea. Can You do that for me please? You know how weak I am in handling this kind of relationship." God has been doing more than that. In every challenge, His grace abounds then abounds even more come the next one.

To all who look to God in tha face of the impossible, we shall never be abandoned.

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It's getting late. I have to start working on my final paper for the semester and hopefully my last requirement as an undergrad student.