His porch

It's so easy to take You for granted. Maybe because You've promised to be there all the time. Maybe because I don't see you. You sure do speak up though. Your voice turns up in everything. Which shouldn't be any wonder now, should it? You created everything after all.

So has it been a month? I'm almost timid. I feel like an intruder stalking your hotel room. But that's silly. You know all my thoughts. Actually, the scenario is more like You standing in the door frame, looking at me and waiting for this poor, broken daughter of yours to step inside. We look insane. No actually, I look insane.

God? I've missed You. Um, lots has been going on. [Shoves hands into pockets and examines carpet fibers] Most of the things I've done, I shouldn't have. I knew that before I did them. I can't forget that fact no matter what I do. I'm sure You know all about that.

Lord, it's terrible. This shame, this guilt.

Yes, I'm proud. I would love to show up Your doorstep, knock and feel so at ease because my "affairs" are in order. But I'm a sinner at every turn. And I am in desperate need of Your mercy and grace at each of those turns.

Just around the corner from Your place I stood under a streetlight. I believe that was the first time in a lot of days that Your light streamed on me:

"Does their unfaithfulness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means! For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus...Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered, blessed is the man against whom the LORD will not count his sin...Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!...There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..."

And on and on.

I didn't want to walk into it at first, it's sooo uncomfortable. And yet so warm. So true. So pretty. And familiar.

So I'm here, dripping and muddying Your lovely landing God. I'm sorry.

"Her sins, which are many, are forgiven...Go in peace."