Anywhere but Here

Today has been one of my better days. So far. So much can happen during the remaining 9 hours of the day that can make me retract that statement.

I mean, on the outside, things are as hectic as ever. My Stat 131 professor finished the coverage for our third exam today and we haven’t even had our second exam yet! I’m still stuck in the second exam lessons so I don’t have time to process what’s going on in class right now and I just know that when the second exam is over, I will be on a major, major, major(!) backlog in my studies in this subject. Arg! To think, this is the gateway to almost all my subject next semester. I can’t fail this thing.

Other than that, I have machine problems to do for my programming class and this music CD to listen to for my music class. Oh, right, I also have a Stat 135 exam on September 3.

I'm not even dreaming of getting a 1.75 average this semester.

Man, when this is all over, I am heading straight for Starbucks and getting myself a rhumba and apple pie. Or if finances and schedule permit, I’ll go ice-skating. [Hey Joy! Sama ka nga pala sa birthday celebration ko, wherever we might go. TBA ang venue.]

ICF’s on tonight and by His grace alone will it work. At least I still firmly believe that God can work around me and through me despite me. Does that make sense?

Last night, me and Nellie watched The Interpreter. It was good. Something I’d watch again. It made me add “Look up the United Nations” in my project list. I realized I don’t know much about it and all but I am inspired by (what I think) the people are trying to do there. And I don’t just mean Angelina Jolie.

Last night, I picked up my Bible and my devotional and my journal. Huge thing for me, so thank You God. I read through Romans 6, the dead to sin, alive to Christ part. Can’t say I was very excited. Repeating “Sin will have no dominion over you” part in my head during my sad moments is helping though. Thanks for all you prayers and feedback.

Again, I’ve realized that once you’ve accepted God’s existence intellectually, it makes it almost impossible to deny He exists. So if I ever walk away from God, it’s not for reasons like “He doesn’t exist” or He’s not real” but for reasons like identity, emotions and perhaps persecution. Although I think persecution would make me follow Him, err, more(?). The intellectual belief/knowledge helps a lot. It persists in reminding you of who He is and what He’s done for you and how all of that beautiful stuff is indeed real. So even when your heart doesn’t believe, your mind keeps shoving the truth into your chest which I guess is God’s doing too.

It makes me wonder what would happen if I could truly understand and accept God’s love and forgiveness, if the truth of His unchanging love would indeed penetrate and cut through my pride, self-pity, guilt and fear. I actually can’t imagine such a state, me being so used to having those companions around. But I guess it would be great. I guess that would be very much like heaven.