Pictures!

Here's the link to my Yahoo! photos album of the pictures of our departure from NAIA to our arrival in Pleasanton, California. You'll get to see (and meet) the my travelling companions and the cute chinese kid I spent most of my Tokyo-San Francisco flight playing with.

Click here.

or here.

What a Journey It Has Been....

4:00AM (Philippine Time) - We arrive at NAIA and discover a mile long line for baggage check-in. Good thing we're travelling with Inang who recieves special assistance. We get pulled to the front of the line and in less than thirty minutes, we're done with check-in, immigration and boarding security measure. We settle in the boarding area for the long wait. When the sun peeked over the horizon, me and Mikhael competed for the best dawn photo. I won. As of this time, none of us except Inang has had any sleep in 24 hours.


8:00AM (Philippine Time) - Northwest Airlines Flight No. 20 takes off for Tokyo-Narita International Airport. We're served breakfast onboard. I'm eat trade my beef for my brothers' scrambled eggs because they're allergic to the stuff. For the most part, airplane egg concoction isn't something that excites me but the NWA scrambled eggs were actually delicious. After breakfast we all succumbed to sleep.


1:30PM (Tokyo Time) - Arrival at Tokyo-Narita International Airport. We get off the plane and I get to be astounded by the incredible warmth and hospitality of the Japanese (or at least the Japanese airport personnel). Talo pa nila ang Thais, who have dominated the ranks of most warm and hospitable people in my opinion. It's another 2.5 hours wait for our connecting flight. I convinced my Mom to give me the US$100 so I can buy postcards and this japanese fan. For some weird reason, she didn't want to use it at first because she didn't want smaller bills. I won her over by telling her she'd spend sooner or later and smaller bills were a certainty in our future.


4:00PM (Tokyo Time) - Northwest Airlines Flight No. 28 departs for San Francisco. Mom, Inang, Mik and Omar and seated close to each other but I'm separated from the pack for some weird reason. A ticketing problem says my Mom. I got a little bummed by the fact that I didn't get a window or aisle seat but this soon became a non-issue when my seatmate turned out to be the cute Chinese guy I was eyeing in the baording area. We connected despite the fact that I spoke no Mandarin (I assume it was Mandarin hehe) and he spoke no English. By the end of an hour, he was kissing me. The "guy" was around two feet tall and communication with him consisted mostly of baby talk and hand signals. Picture below. When the little tyke had to go to sleep, I turned to my personal entertainment center. I'll say this of Northwest: way more leg room, a personal entertainment center, at least twenty movies you can choose from, great service and way cheaper ticket rates - all these puts NW ahead of PAL on my preferred carriers. Sorry, it's not a nationalism issue. It's a service issue.


7:05AM (San Francisco Time) - Arrival at the San Francisco International Airport. Slight hitch at immigration but we got over it. Mom was too stunned to speak when the immigration officer asked us about the issue so I'm glad thank you God for the presence of mind to answer in her place. Thank you din Lord for smoothing out that particular wrinkle, for keeping us safe, for early arrival times, for no lost baggage, no food spoilage and for keeping us all sane and able to bear with each other during the journey. It got tough at times and there were raw nerves but thanks for helping us put that aside to work as a team and enjoy the journey. Since I'm the official photographer, I'm not included in the picture of the family upon arrival in Gravina Place, Pleasanton.



Right now - We're just a couple of 2 cousins short of a full house of the 2nd generation but we're having fun already. Tomorrow we're off to San Francisco and I'm guessing I need to wear at least three shirts under the jacket. My goodness, it is freezing here: 7 degrees Celsius! My brothers are hardier than me. They're used to Baguio climate so that ups their cold tolerance a bit. Sunday, we "kids" are going unsupervised by any parent to Los Angeles. Haha, can anyone say uninhibited?



Okay time to hit the sheets.


More pictures to follow. I tried to get them on now but there seems to be a problem with the system.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow...

Nice things have been happening these past days and I am thankful for two things. One, that these events happen and continue to happen. They are answered prayers. I had resigned myself to believing that God’s answers to those cries was NO but now I find that His answer then was WAIT. It is a grand performance of His love and I watch joyfully as I would watch snowflakes fall in summer.**

The second thing I am thankful for is that I have yet to be distracted from the true Light by the falling blessings. I pray that this continues. It’s grace. It’s all because He’s holding me firmly, rooting me as if I were a tree that didn’t have enough sense to bury its roots in the soil. While I am often caught up in whirlwinds of doubt and fear and my eye daily wanders towards the other side, He turns me time and time again to the task at hand. I can’t build my life around the pleasantries that have been happening. Tomorrow, a fierce storm can wipe them off the face of my path and they will be cherished memories but not bread on which I can continue this journey.

I take back my initial count. I am thankful for three things, the third being the constancy and light of the Truth. (grammar?) In churning waves of emotion, the Word of God anchors me safely.

There. I was just thankful and had to write that.

** Yes, I have seen snowflakes fall in summer. =) Okay, it was early summer or late spring at Lake Tahoe. Still.

My Sentiments Exactly

Where is the blessedness I knew
When first I saw the Lord?
Where is the soul-refreshing view
Of Jesus and his word?

What peaceful hours I once enjoyed!
How sweet their memory still!
But they have left an aching void,
The world can never fill.

William Crowper, songwriter and one given to swings of emotion (so writes Ravi Zacharias), penned that one yet it captures my turmoil.

I bought Ravi's Cries of the Heart yesterday. Actually bought is seems inadequate to describe the two hour journey to finally approaching the cashier and shelling out money for the book. I walked around Fullybooked juggling it. I sat in the children's books section and stared at the book in my lap. I moved to the architecture section and wished the book wasn't wrapped in plastic. It was a battle of "No Kristina, it's got nothing new to say to you, you won't find anwsers!" against "Yes Kristina, buy it. It might just be the stern word you crave." Hope won out over pessimism.

Ravi's words in the chapter entitled "The Cry to Feel My Faith" were not new but the tone and delivery both validated my struggle and urged me on with the process of learning to hold my emotions by the Truth of God's Word. "Listen as God speaks. Out of the depths of truth He will tame your passions," writes Ravi. It is wholly tiring for me to feel like I have to beat my body into submission almost every moment. Yet I am reassured by His presence that the ground upon which I beat myself to stay on is to be preferred to the rollercoaster ride of emotions. His love beckons like no other and His shelter offers rest like no other. Dying to me in His gentle hands seems better than dying alone in the dark for things that shall pass. I am frustrated and disappointed by my inability to move along at times and so I pray that I would indeed find His grace sufficient for me.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits!
...who forgives all your iniquity
...who heals all your diseases
...who redeems your life from the pit
...who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy
...who satisfies you with good
...who is merciful and gracious
...who is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love
...who knows our frame and remembers that we are dust
Bless the Lord, O my soul! ~ Ps 103

DCBC Cantata 2006

For Dancers and Wannabe Dancers like Me :)

Pagiilaw ng UP 2006

Despite unrelenting showers, the show went on. And what a show it was! It seemed like the College of Music emptied itself onto the makeshift stage in front of Quezon Hall last night. UP Seraphim, Up Madrigal Singers, UP Concert Chorus, the Symphonic Orchestra... Name it, they were there offering the best in a free concert to celebrate Christmas. I'm so glad me and Yam decided to go despite the hectic schedule on my part. We found ourselves stalking the cure flutist, laughing like kids at the fireworks, and tearing up at the rendition of "Payapang Daigdig". It looks like the Christmas season has started for me.

Ang gabi'y payapa

Lahat ay tahimik

Pati mga tala

Sa bughaw na langit

Kay hinhin ng hangin

Waring umiibig

Sa kapayapaan

Ng buong daigdig

Payapang panahon

Ay diwa ng buhay

Biyaya ng Diyos

Sa sangkatauhan

Needed: Knitting Needles ASAP

The boredom got to me. That's the short version of why I'm suddenly so intent on knitting despite comments that its something only lolas can enjoy. I'm convinced that it'll help me get through my insomnia with less irritation. =)

The search for knitting needles has been fruitless so if anyone has some old knitting needles to spare, can I please borrow them? =) Or give them to me. Hehe. Malapit na ang pasko.

This Chasm in Me

I wake in the morning dreading the moment, hoping that it won't come. Without fail it does. I feel empty and so alone. The day's moments of "un-busyness" are doomed to hurt as a palpable loneliness seeps into my consciousness.

It is not a loneliness for family, friend or lover. How I wish it were for solutions to that seem to be more or less within my reach. Every moment is a struggle to not turn it into such a thing. Every minute, I feel the gap and hate it but fight to keep it empty. I often fail to do so and with each failure is the reinforced lesson that nothing I would seek to cover the hole in me will ever fill it.

In quiet times, a cry of anguish escapes me. Lord, help my unbelief! Help me know that You are near indeed. That those who seek forgiveness and turn back on their ways are indeed forgiven and loved with no less a love than before they fell. That in Your presence, there is FULLNESS of joy.

Stupid, stupid!

Okay, I know that this probably old news for you guys but I just found out about it and I really had to rant.

Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon!!! Ugh! Come on people! You can't be serious?! Stupid guy! Ugh!





Haaaaa.... Well now. That felt good.

Go Figure

Sorry, this post is going to be extremely vague and weird to most of you. But it's the one thing I feel like writing about and I'll take what I can get.

I was invited to this certain something and I wanted to go for all the wrong reasons. Make that reason. Well, I've never been to a certain something like this before, boring life that I lead and all. So I could lie and say I was going for that reason. But if I went, I'd break this new dorm rule and that's just not right. But the thought of screwing it crossed my mind you know. Not because I'd finally get to go to that certain something but because there was this Certain Someone there. And that hit me as pathetic and a bit overdone. I mean, I'd break the rule for my family or my bestfriends. But to want to break it for Certain Someone freaked me out. Certain Someone cannot, and I mean CANNOT, mean that much. So just to prove to myself that Certain Someone did not mean that much, I didn't go.

So much for logic.

Nellie, do you have a new blog up or something?

Frozen Pen

I don't feel like writing. I haven't had a decent "writing frenzy" moment in ages. Agh.

Last Semester

...as an undergraduate that is. Oh yeah, I'm claiming that!

Here's the menu for the next four/five months:

Stat 143: Survey Operations
Stat 148: Experimantal Design
Stat 149: Categorical Data Analysis
Stat 191: Survival Analysis
Natural Science II

I approach this semester with much fear, doubt, and insecurity. But above all, I approach it with much looking to God... from out under the ton of bricks that I feel I'm under.

Tralala...

Yeah, about the title... I can't think of another title. =)

I'm in Pangasinan right now and the only reason I can post is because I've finally hauled my butt out of the house. I'm not really busy at home. Konting review lang para sa GRE. Not enough to get me out of BUM Alert zone though. But I've been doing plenty of thinking and babbling to myself and God.

Square One was great! God is awesome! Most of the time, I'm just sighing all over the place because God is just so beautiful. And the Gospel is mind-blowing! truly, you think that one graduates from the Gospel as you mature. Or that's the way it was with me. I was on the "If you wanna grow in faith, read your Bible...then fast...then give sacrficially...then serve in church...lalala etc" track that I forgot the Gospel. I'm not saying the Bible reading and all the other stuff isn't important. They are very important. But they have to be centered around the Gospel. They're not next levels beyond the Gospel. They're more of paths on which I can really live on the magnificent truth of the Gospel.

So I guess I have to tell myself the Gospel everyday. And that's the fact that I have never been more broken and sinful than today but I've never been more loved and accepted than today because Jesus lived and died for me to redeem me from death to the Kingdom life of fullness, wholeness, love and glory in the Father. Hallelujah! You know, I used to cringe at that word. Now it's the only word other than "Whoa!" that can capture a little of the awe I'm in.

My roommates can attest to the fact that despite living in these islands for a decade already, I still suck at Tagalog. I make grammar mistakes and mispronounce words. My first language is English. I can start talking to you in tagalog but in less than a minute my english will come stealing in and I won't even be aware of it. So I've never had the guts to share this Good News to anyone who'd need to hear it in Tagalog. It intensive enough for me to do it in English. And before it felt like I was trying to get people buy into this Christian product of Christ. I felt so fake. And sick sharing to most people before.

But perfect love casts out fear. And it's His love that transformed me into a daughter who is not afraid or ashamed of telling other people, no matter what language or what the outcome might be, about her Savior, Lord and Lover. We had fieldwork during the camp where we went out into a fishing village and witnessed to the people there. We had to do it in Tagalog so it was a faith walk for me but God is so great. Even if I was the one talking and hugging and listening, it was really me just watching God at work, Jesus hugging people and the Holy Spirit talking. And the rejoicing in the heavens that day... Oh my! God is awesome!

It's Time...

...to kick off my shoes and take a "Nestea ad" fall onto my bed for dreams that will no longer be haunted by cluster analysis, PPS estimations formulas and R Language programs.

It was a weird semester. But it was the best ever. I'm so thankful for all that has happened. And it's so great that I can look back on the past months with God and chuckle while tears of joys stream down my face. My Lord is so great, so loving and so patient with me. Baby steps...baby steps.

Before going home, I'm joining a camp. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time. I can't explain why but I'm not letting the fear keep me home. Hehe...I hope I can keep doing that until that bus actually pulls out of the center and is there's no turning back.

BOOK SALE!

I love my books but this is going to go to a good cause... Hehe. Contact me at 09158264137 or email me at coffeeformegan@yahoo.com if interested. Haggling is permitted. =) I'll be in Ilang until the 21st. =) All books in good condition.


P40 each:


Kitchen God's Wife - Amy Tan
Angela's Ashes - Frank McCourt
100 Successful College Application Essays
Little Alters Everywhere - Rebecca Wells
Curtain - Agatha Christie
Jewel - Bret Lott
Chasing Cezanne - Peter Mayle
The Jane Austen Book Club - Karen Joy Fowler
How to be Good - Nick Hornby


P80 each:


Artemis Fowl: Eternity Code - Eoin Colfer
Under the Tuscan Sun - Frances Mayes
Victory in the Wilderness - John Bevere
In the Eye of the Storm - Max Lucado



I also have lots of magazines (Seventeen, YM, Elle Girl) and I'd be more than happy to hand them over for free to anyone interested in them (for scrapbooking perhaps?).

The Next Best Way to Start the Day

...have a mug or two of coffee to shoo away any sleepiness

the best way to greet a new day?


Although, I have to say how it is such a battle to do so. Drinking the coffee is so much easier.

When I've had no several sleepless nights...

it comforts me immensely to know that my God never sleeps, His hand has never swayed from keeping me and that in these times of weakness, He comes through as my strength and wisdom.

You know you're probably ill

...when you find this funny:

Stat Seniors: How's the exponential smoothing and winter's method going down?

Mine's not doing too well...

Mes Amie La Belle

You mentioned wanting to chat with Mr. Lewis. That piqued my interest so I went and had a grande with him in Starbucks. Here's what hit home for me:

"Now, Faith... is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbabble: but when I was antheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods "where they get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith."

- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

P.S.
I'm now broke. Starbucks and Mr. Lewis were worth it though.

Two Signatures Later...

Krissy doesn't have to change her city address. Her mother releases a sigh of relief heard over three provinces.



In other words, Ilrehan pa rin ako next semester! *Whoops!* Thank you God!

Haha, I won't miss any views of this kind from my doorway:






I'm so thankful that I don't have to move out just yet. Mind you, I was ready to. I was ready for anything life would throw at me because I was thinking that it'll break the monotomy of calmness and push me into a place where my faith could maybe thrive again. You know that it's said in the great book that one should consider it pure joy when trials hit because they are helping your faith to grow. And if there's something really important in life right now, it's my faith (even if it's shifting, stumbling, and sometimes crawling along). I'll take however small a mustard seed it'll come in. I'll take crumbs right now if that's all there is.

A Meeting of Two Exhausted Pilgrims

LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:44:43 PM): lam mo, nagiging manhid na ata ako sa Christian life myself
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:44:53 PM): hindi ko maexplain
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:45:11 PM): u don't have to. i think i get you if you got me
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:48:36 PM): grabe parang nakakadrain ng energy
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:48:41 PM): do you get those days where you're like "oh, oh yeah, i'm, a christian. oh, what's that? who am i? this all seems very silly."
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:48:55 PM): true!
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:50:16 PM): and then days when you're like "okay, bible some more, prayer some more, serve some more, maybe shut up and listen some more to God"
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:50:21 PM): wala nang pumapasok. na-inundate na ata ako e
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:50:36 PM): lam mo ba, I haven't personally prayed for months already. can't find the energy to do so
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:50:48 PM): hay, I'm going to hell right?
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:51:36 PM): you're not going to hell. we're not going to hell.
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:52:58 PM): coz there's this crazy God who took our word on the "okay, i'm a mess. i need you. and you redeemed me. so i guess that makes you my savior and lord" thing and he's gonna dog our heels in the most maddening ways
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:53:18 PM): that's the thing. I don't think he's dogging me anymore.
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:53:20 PM): you still going to church?
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:53:24 PM): sobrang numb na ako. promise
LaBelle (10/4/2006 3:53:32 PM): yes I go to church pero parang mechanical na lang
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:53:47 PM): okay. but you're still going.
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:54:00 PM): and you're bothered about the numbness...
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 3:54:06 PM): sounds like dogging to me

________________________________


LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:07:37 PM): hay naku. don't worry about it. This too shall pass. ahaha. thanks for the encouragement. Siguro one of these days, I will have the strength to try again
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:08:58 PM): you will. one of these days you'll wonder why you're suddenly bawling out and hugging your bible to your chest and lying down in a fetal position. it'll drive you nuts though.
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:09:34 PM): ahahahahhaa. at least something's happening na, ehehe
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:10:11 PM): yeah...and it'll happen to you. go get nutty!
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:11:55 PM): gusto kong ipukpok sarili ko sa bato sometimes. parang may nadisconnect na cord sa heart and mind ko. yung sinabi mo nga dun sa blog mo na your mind knows but your heart won't feel it
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:12:32 PM): parang ganun. you know. but then... so what?
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:13:28 PM): oo nga so what di ba? it's just to freaking hard to do and it's making me so tired so let's just stop. let's just throw the towel in... is that how you feel?
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:13:36 PM): yeah. just about
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:14:18 PM): god you better make some good grafitti on the wall or the burning bush thing to get me beating myself up over you...
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:15:56 PM): honga e
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:15:56 PM): yeah, i think i get you.
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:16:13 PM): yeah. *leans head against the wall*
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:17:10 PM): pero parang hindi mo rin maatim na mag let go kasi you know how it was to be with Him. hindi na yun mai-erase ng kahit anong stagnation
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:17:39 PM): haha!
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:17:51 PM): and that's where it starts to get interesting...it's like tension on a cord...one side want's to give up and say so what... the other is saying 'but you've tasted the goodness of the Lord and you know this is the truth'
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:19:57 PM): true. hindi ko na alam gagawin. parang dapa-bangon-dapa-bangon-dapa-bangon 24/7. tapos there's a point na parang "ano ba yan." mag-aapologize na lang ba ako sa Lord forever?
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:21:38 PM): haha..hirap gawin
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:22:31 PM): ei, i really really have to go. so sorry. write/text/anything if u wanna. just know that you're not crazy or anything.
LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:23:41 PM): sureness! thanks!
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:23:49 PM): thank you too
StillLimpingAlong (10/4/2006 4:24:13 PM): i'll be out looking for divine grafitti. i'll let you know when i find any. LaBelle (10/4/2006 4:24:23 PM): yes please! ahaahah

My Soul Waits For the Lord

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD! O Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy! If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

Psalm 130

Late Late Late

...because it's been hard to find the time or mood to post. =P

We're one happy lot. It's not hard to detect humor and fun in the stories swapped in classrooms and dorms today. It sounds like Milenyo was one big adventure to all of us.

For the ladies of room 122, adventure fails to describe our Milenyo experience whose highlights for us included:
- a three day brownout
- rushing to the coop to grab candles and trying to study by candlelight
- our window screen threatening to fall down because it couldn't withstand the wind
- the tree behind our room falling towards our room resulting in cracked window panes
- the tree in front of our room falling (thankfully) away from our room and taking with it one of the lamp posts in the garden

- a rat entering our room throught the gaps of the window screen (apparently the fallen tree acted like a bridge between wildlife and us)
- a snake nearly entering our room. actually, we're not sure if it entered or if it slithered out so we're constantly checking the floor and our beds.
- dinner at 4PM presumemably because the mess hall didn't want to spend on candles
- night trips to the bathroom fraught with avoiding "cat bombs". Apple failed to dodge one on the first night.
- trying in vain to find a working ATM
- a short walk around to survey the damage which proved to be quite extensiv
- a trip to Marikina to charge all electronic devices especially our cellphones

A suggestion:
- The government or the utility providers should seriously consider phasing out electrical poles. Instead, bury the electric (and telephone?) lines underground. That way, we won't be so paralyzed by power shortages because of poles falling over

I went to SM North last Sunday. And do you know what? I could actually see the sky. No billboards in sight. Much better that way. Both for aesthetic and safety reasons.

Jollibee Philcoa had a great business day (night?) on Thursday. Establishments along Katipunan became extensions of dorms, houses, and apartments as everyone escaped the gloom and heat for some light, food and a chance to study. Yey for generators!

Of course, it may seem like a memorable, almost fond, experience to us but there are towns that are still in the dark, people in serious need, people missing and people whose lives were ended. Let's keep them in our prayers (however sporadic they may be?)

P.S.
Ze iPod lives! Thanks to the Apple Service Center in SM North.

21: The Second Time Around

I got up yesterday morning hoping for nothing out of the ordinary. I offered up simple prayer of thanks for another year and asked that I'd be mindful of blessings around me so I wouldn't be too sad or lonely. God still throws this old kid of His birthday surprises.

Ann, Apple and Gee threw me a birthday party 30 minutes before the end of September 24. They succeeded in taking me by surprise and making my mouth hang open for a few seconds. Then I grabbed my cam... (Haha! Apple you're the only one who knows how long to hold a pose for no-flash shots!)


It took me a minute to realize that the candles I had just blown out spelled out "21" instead of 22. Haha!


The roommates were mortified (most demonstrated by Apple)at their mistake but it was just too cool a mistake to feel bad over. Hey, I don't mind being younger!


Forks up!


Me eating the 1... Gee you're so cute!


Thanks roommates! I'll miss you gals!


Thank you God. You have taught me to hope.

Okay, maybe not as hopeful as to feel 12 again. Haha! That would be cool though.

Thanks to everyone who remembered!

ida and everyone in america: aunties, uncles,

cousins, friends; mom, dad, bros, nellie, gee, ann,

apple, janna, junette, salve, kuya caloy, the dcbc

sunset service congregation, anna b., gilda, sheena,

kathy, roxy, arbie, lg, jordan, auntie minda and all the

folks in ilocos sur

Nice, Naive, and Beautiful --- Plumb

The month didn't have a promising opening. I went out to ice skate and ended up tearing a couple of ligaments. A cast immobilized my left leg for two weeks. It's off now but muscle atrophy settled in during the [over]cast days. I can't even run if my life depended on it, much less dance. I feel so sad that I can't dance, can't turn up the volume on my iPod and move around the room at 3AM.

Of course, my iPod died on me too. Great timing.

There's my laptop. Hay, laptop. You and your mood swings.

Then there's the dorm matter. I wasn't renewed so I have to look for some place to live in next semester. I'm graduating so new living conditions were on the horizon. This, however, feels premature and depressing.

But. In the words of LG, "Life is good. Life will get better. Trust that something good is around the corner."

Thus,

Things That Make this Month A Great Month Despite Setbacks and Circumstances:

1. Mom, Dad, Omar, Mikhael
2. Tickets for December US trip.
3. Stillwaters people for taking me in
4. Nellie, Yam, Roxanne for being there when I was lonely, needy and depressed
5. Ate Jojee for understanding her crazy kid
6. New friends at Stat
7. Thirst for Him
8. The kindness of strangers when I needed rides and help during the days I had a cast on.
9. There is breath, blood and life in me.

And look at that, I'm a two decades and two today.

Tales

I must have had about five people ask me about God during the months when I thought I was going agnostic. It was weird to me at the time. There I was, wanting to leave Christianity alone, wanting nothing to do with God, and yet defending the faith, talking about the Man. It was frustrating because it was like God was dogging me at my heels at every turn. It's not that I stopped believing God existed. I think I just didn't want to follow Him in the way that I was. I felt like such a phony. I felt pretty bad. I also could not help getting angry whenever I was with people who worshipped him and looked so happy and sure about the wheres and the whys of their lives.

My first Bible is with a former roommate of mine who received it as a gift from me a day after she decided to take Jesus seriously on the salvation matter. I don't really miss the book per se. I miss the times I had back when I owned it. That Bible is covered in all sorts of highlights... Some pages bleeding raw, not a single word alone in white space. The words were alive, they were spoken to me and they hit home. Those were the times I'd just sit on my bed and talk endlessly to God and know He was listening. I'd sit there for a long time just enjoying all the stuff he said and all the light just seeping into me. I'm surprised my roommates did not call a psychiatrist. I was the Chesire cat, grinning ear to ear, just basking in a love so outrageous.

A classmate stood up after our class today and shared the story of his life. I was awestruck...and a little envious. You could tell he was having tangible interaction with God. He didn't sound like he was after you praying for salvation or like he was after anything at all but telling you about his best bud. It was something beautiful and true. And it got our classmates talking about God. Cool.

I try not to think about my Christian growth, about being mature or about who I'm supposed to be. It's too complex for me and maybe it's not what I should be thinking about. My bestfriend says I'm a fast learner. God knows otherwise. I'm a mule. I'm a wrestler. I'm a runner. Pretending to be anything else robs me of really experiencing the vastness of grace, love, justice and joy that is Jesus Christ.

I feel like I'm unconventional and some have called me liberal, whatever that means. It makes me afraid to pray in groups. It makes me afraid.

Life's messy right now. But this road continues to look more right as I walk it.

The Right Drip

I attended Stillwaters last Tuesday. In one part of the message the speaker talked about Jacob and his tendency to run away. You all know the part where God corners him one night and they wrestle. Dawn comes and Jacob dude is left with a limp because God touched him on his hip. After that the speaker said something about how God still does that today, that cornering thing when we run away. How he might not touch us and give us a limp but God is still definitely down with pursuing you and cornering you. Well, when I heard that I looked down at my leg and cast and I just cracked up. God has the craziest sense of humor.

Seriously now, going to Stillwaters felt like coming home for me. I've been running away from church, fellowship and basically God for a long time. I don't know why I've been running. I know where it started but now it's all so confusing to me. At the same time that I've been running, I've been searching for... I don't know. Searching for only God knows what.

For a while I thought I was becoming agnostic. I mean, I know some stuff about God. Okay, precious little about God. I know that he loves me and that he cares deeply about my past, any and all injustices that have occurred, all the wounds and pains, everything. I know that being in this relationship with my Creator isn't like being buddies where we continually pay each other back for favors done. I know that God isn't asking me to earn his love. But my mind can't seem to communicate that to my heart.

I'm one of those people who have problems with grace. I have struggled with grace and stuggle with it immensely. I have lived with this entire vocabulary of faith for almost half a decade now. I've read it, heard it, spoken about it, sung about it and even danced about it. But sometimes it doesn't make sense to me. It's like a foreign language I'm not down with. "Grace" is on top of that list. Accepting grace is an entirely different thing than just talking about it. I wrestle with God constantly over this. It gets so crazy at times, like a steady stampede on my pride and emotional barriers. But a voice tells me that maybe that's good for me.

Rox told me the other night about how much she sees Jacob in me. Not the lying and conniving part of Jacob, thankfully. But the wrestler in Jacob. She sees me everyday and she sees how I wrestle with God. When she saw my reaction, she quickly said that this wasn't a bad thing. Think about it this way, she said. Wrestling means an awful lot of contact with the other person. Contact isn't something you can have too much of with God.

You're familiar with white noise. To stat majors, I'm not talking about the white noise of time series analysis. I'm talking about white noise from the TV. And I'm talking about white noise because for the longest time that all powerful Gospel Paul talks about in Romans was white noise in my life. It was white noise then it was nothing.

I said earlier that going to church was like coming home. It was like the Truth stepped into that room and wrapped it's powerful arms around me. It felt like Jesus was holding me still and prying off the goo of lies and sins, cleaning me up. I felt like God was crawling through my mind and throwing out the junk. You know when you have this really bad cold and you go around talking funny and never breathing with your nose? Last Tuesday felt like my first breath of air after a terribly congested cold. Almost like the relief of my first clean breath after a terrible asthma attack.

I'm still going at turtle pace here. I feel like this "little thirst" (as my mentor put it) for God is such a fragile thing. I can't manufacture it myself so I'm going to take it slow. Maybe the limp and the cast on my leg is showing me how to rely not on myself but on God, like I would rely on a crutch if my fall was worse.

I don't feel such a strong urge to look for anything or anyone to latch on just so I can feel something. It's like my poor sick soul finally got hooked up on the right IV and that IV is the Truth and its bringing Life and Light into me.

Women Are Walking Accidents

from AFHV

Days of Blue

Brace yourselves for some medical terminology...*Evil Laughter*

I went to the doctor this afternoon, hoping i'd get a opinion that validated the feeling of stupidity for showing up in an orthopedic surgeon's clinic with no apparent swelling of bruising in my knee. "This is nothing. It just needs rest." I reassured myself as I knocked on Dr. Jesse Conjares office. I have to say something about Dr. Conjares clinic manners at this point (I feel like I owe the guy, you know) --- he was incredibly warm and friendly. I wish all doctors had his "aura".

Anyway, after asking me questions to form a detailed account of last Saturday's fall at the ice rink, he made me stand up and try to do certain things with my bad leg. I failed at all three tests of this sort. Then he sat me down and gently performed another three tests by rotating my leg and putting pressure on my knee. It hurt in all but one test.

My diagnosis? Dr. Jesse is sure I've hurt my medial collateral ligament (see picture), found on the inside of the knee joint and spanning the length of the end of the femur to the top of the tibia. I have a Grade II MCl tear which means 3-4 weeks of joint rest i.e. wearing a leg cast to immobilize the leg. He can't diagnose whether the anterior cruciate ligament or the meniscus cartilage have been torn along with my MCL right now. He said we'd have to wait until my MCL has healed to find out. The good news is that my X-rays are cleasn and I have no bone fractures.

So I'm sporting a blue leg cast that covers my left leg from my midthigh to my ankle. They seldom use plaster these days pala. They use fiberglass meshes that need just a bit of wetting to harden. The meshes come in a variety of bright colors. I guess my friends won't be able to doodle on this thing now. Wearing jeans is a problem (anyone have spare jogging pants?). Taking a bath and doing toilet stuff is a bit challenging. But I can still walk without crutches---cause for celebration! Now, if I could get AMP to help me getting to farther places... He does have a car... *Giggles*

In other news, my grandmother's first batch of blood tests are in and they're negative for diabetes. Happy happy happy. We're still waiting for the tests for other blood diseases. Keep her in your prayers. Thanks.

That's all for now. Be careful with your knees kids.

Slow and Steady Progress

I'm so tired but I've got some AMP juice to get me going...

I've been limping around since Saturday afternoon, trying to avoid putting weight on my left leg. The knee has been painful ever since the fall I took while ice-skating. That coach! He promised he'd catch me before I slip but he didn't. When I slipped, I landed on my left knee with my left leg twisted behind me and my right in front of me. Not a natural position for the body of course.

I don't think anything is broken because there is no major swelling in the area but everytime I try to straighten or bend the leg, my knee feels like it's going to snap sideways. I can't hear a popping sound so I don't have a dislocated knee which is already extremely good news to me as a ballet student. But I can't do retires (essential for pirouettes) and degages. The doctor told me to rest the leg as much as possible and if it still hurts by Wednesday then I should have an orthopedic surgeon look into the matter. Well, it's Tuesday night and I'm still having problems with the knee. I guess it's off to find a doctor tomorrow. Hopefully it's nothing serious...or expensive.

My grandmother has a lot of lesions and bruises on her legs and they've been getting worse. My mother, who can pass off as a doctor sometimes, says that this is a symptom of diabetes or leukemia. So my Lola is going to have a check up and blood test tomorrow. Hopefully nothing serious is going on in her body too.

Things are hectic so posts might be getting rarer or a lot shorter in the weeks to come. I leave you with a recommendation to check out pandora.com, a site by the Music Genome Project. You give them an artist or song and they will give you similar music based on an unbiased analysis of some 200 musical parameters. It's been a great way for me to discover more artists who play the music I like and I now have five radio channels that play exactly what I want. It's pretty cool. To cite from a New York Times article on the project:

Bit by bit, Pandora’s music analysts have built a massive
archive of data, cataloging the minute characteristics of
more than 500,000 songs, from alt-country to bossa nova
to metal to gospel, for what is known as the Music Genome
Project.

At pandora.com visitors are invited to enter the name of their
favorite artist or song and to get in return a stream of music
with similar “DNA,” in effect a private Internet radio station
microtailored to each user’s tastes.

Pandora’s innovation is to focus on the formal elements of songs,
rather than their popular appeal. Say your favorite song is Aretha
Franklin’s recording of “Respect.” Pandora will make you a
personalized soundtrack that could include Gladys Knight and the
Pips’ “I’ve Got to Use My Imagination” and Solomon Burke’s
“Everybody Needs Somebody to Love.” (Why? Click twice and learn
that Pandora thinks the Gladys Knight tune resembles “Respect”
because it includes “classic soul qualities, blues influences, acoustic
rhythm piano, call and answer vocal harmony and extensive vamping.”)

It may not take 21st-century technology to deduce a link between
Ms. Franklin and Ms. Knight. But the more you tell Pandora about
your tastes, the more creative it can get.

UP Student Regent's Reply to Gonzales

Persisting as Social Critique: The University of thePeople

"Well-behaved" Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalesmaligns the University of the Philippines yet again,f or producing "destabilizers and naked runners".

As this gentleman's gentleman is entitled to his own opinion, U.P. is not required to respond, but precisely because it must, it will. The Universityhas the right and the responsibility to dissent.For how else may prove its worth? U.P. as an educational institution can only affirm itself when it puts theories into practice. Woe the day U.P. stops talking, commenting, and thinking--which is in contrast, the time Sec. Gonzales happily waits for, when U.P. performs its "true role" in government service.

U.P. is bound to defend Philippine statehood. Sec.Gonzales must understand that U.P. does indeed, in a manner that is idiosyncratic, sometimes abrasive, but always with best interest at heart. U.P. is a social critic, not a yes-man, so it will not ask permission or forgiveness when it says it like it is: government sucks. But U.P. is also an agent of change, which is why, in the same breath, it contributes thousands of its best graduates to help make government and society better.

I will now claim the privilege to opine: Sec.Gonzales is just rattled in his prude morality by streaking, in his occupational delusion by U.P.'s firm request for clear leads in Karen Empeño andSherlyn Cadapan's case. But I am disturbed that this is just half of the truth, and that the whole lies somewhere between the lines of the military's "Know the Enemy" and Oplan Bantay-Laya.

In the midst of all this name-calling and witch-hunting, I am sure the thinking populace is becoming more emboldened to stand up. I can find more than a thousand other U.P. students who would gladly wear a sign saying "destabilizer" just for the pleasure of driving a point through: what's wrong with it? If dissenting has destabilized anything, I am comforted one example is Marcos'regime.

He with the gall (and gallstones) to disapprove of academic freedom, Sec. Gonzales stands now a stalwart enemy--barring Gloria Arroyo herself--of human liberty. But God has been kind enough to also make him bigoted, for if he had more sense to comprehend the essence of the Oblation Run, he might have also joined these celebrated naked runners.

And surely, that would have been obnoxious.

Raffy Jones G. Sanchez

Student Regent

University of the Philippines System

September Comes at Last

You know when you're busy when it takes a reminder from your mom for you to recall that you'll be celebrating your birthday some time later in the month. Dear friends, you know what this is for. =) Of course, no expectations and this is an "open-ended" list.







sleep mask











Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts

















iPod Nano Skin











Tickets to the movie or the book



















mascara (my current craze...i'm a make-up junkie)

Derailed

1. Roommates planning weekend:
lonelysoul: I don't know how to get to the Mall of Asia... Do you?
sadsoul: Hindi rin...Uhm...ang alam ko, LRT or MRT lang un...
tas baba ka somewhere. Then sakay tayo ng multicab jeep.
*smiles*
lonelysoul: Hmmm... Baba ako somewhere. Helpful.
San kaya un somewhere?

2. Looks like I'm supposed to head the publicity division for CAP-STAT. Not happy. At least not THAT happy.

3. Probably failed my 146 exam. What I don't get is why I'm having difficulty with this particular subject. All my batchmates think that this is the easiest subject we have this semester. I'm the outlier because I find 147 and 145 the easiest subjects. When I tell them this, they look at me like I'm an escapee from a mental institution. It's so frustrating that four shots of Jager seem like a good idea right now. Then tomorrow, after nursing the hangover, I'm going to study even harder. And hope for a miracle.

4. 145 paper defense... Ah, I'd rather just forget about it. It's up there with horrible experiences. Groupmates were equally horrible. Freeloaders all of them. *sobs*

5. Ice skating, bowling and food trip scheduled tomorrow. Yey. Some fun after five incredibly depressing days. I'm celebrating my birthday 22 days early.

AMPCast Move

In the rare case you were wondering or you:

1) like reading song lyrics
2) like discovering new music
3) are one of those who know AMP
4) are interested in my obsession with AMP

I have moved the AMPCast to the Scraps of Paper page.

AMPCast #001

Welcome to the AMPCast ladies and gentlemen... where, for lack of any excitement, yours truly makes a fool of herself over AMP to the tunes of whatever my IPod chooses to play while I'm in his vicinity. Today's background music to our car park encounter was *drumroll*...

Fascination
performed by Kem
taken from the OST of Take the Lead

It was fascination, I know

And it might have ended at the start

A passing glance, a brief romance

And I might have gone on my way empty-hearted, empty-hearted

It was fascination, I know

Seeing you under the moonlight above, baby

And I touch your hand and I kiss you

and fascination turned to love

My fascination turned to love, oh baby, yeah

My fascination, girl, ohh, turned to love

Fascination, I know

That it might have ended at the start

A passing glance, a brief romance

And I might have gone on my way empty-hearted

Fascination, oh and I know, I know babe

Seeing you under, under the moonlight, moonlight above

Baby I, I touch your hand And I kiss you baby

Oh girl And my, my fascination, my fascination

Turned to love

Fascination oh, my, my, my fascination girl

Turned to love

My fascination turned to love

Fascination

*laughs out loud*

They're in!

Another 100

1. When the DJ speaks bad english, it makes me run in the other direction.

2. Truth be known, I don’t mind marrying someone who’s more than 10 years my senior. Age is just a number. He better be alive when the kids are young though.

3. I have to have three shampoos in my bath basket. I don’t know why.

4. When reading Donald miller books or listening to Imago Dei sermons, I laugh and cry a lot.

5. Channing Tatum… *Dreamy Smile*

6. I don’t wear braces anymore. I still wear thick glasses.

7. My favorite place is Lake Tahoe in the spring.

8. I think a pair of chucks is essential to one’s wardrobe. I own a black pair. I will own a blue, red, pink, and green pair.

9. Given the chance, I could blow $500 on shoes. Just shoes. I'm another Imelda Marcos.

10. I subcribe to the following podcasts: Imago Dei (an archive of their sermons), Donald Miller (includes a reading from one of his books and interview with Derek Webb), Grammar Girl (incredible help), Vogue (for the frustrated fashionista in me), MuggleCast (Harry Potter fan resource), Jason Mraz (featuring commentary, music, backstage chatter, and voice messages from Jason himself), Anna Nalick (talks about her new album), GeekCast (can't you tell?), Brain Food (explores fascinating topics from everyday life and use science and mathematics to better understand the wonders all around us), Let's speak Italian (learn italian in small packs)

11. Long sleeved polo shirts and dark jeans on a guy make me come undone.

12. I like spaghetti to be sour not sweet i.e. Italian style not Filipino style

13. I have sleep apnea.

14. Things I sleep next to: Ipod, Cellphone, my glasses and my asthma medicine.

15. I want to be taller. I'm currently 5'5". To heck with the fact that there aren’t a lot of tall guys

16. I actually like airplane food. Crazy!

17. I was un-single once in my life. I regret it.

18. I like strawberry margaritas.

19. Scratch that. I love Imran’s sacred margaritas.

20. I love Grey’s Anatomy.

21. I’m actually sad to be graduating for the first time in my life. You should have seen me in high school, I couldn’t wait to leave.

22. I practice nail bowling.

23. I wanna learn how to belly dance. Specifically, I want to know how to do the snake hips move on Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” music video.

24. I like most rollercoasters.

25. I still hate doing the laundry. I’m the kind of girl who will throw a single sock into the waching machine.

26. My eyebrows frustrate me lot. One of them involuntarily goes up when I smile making me look evil.

27. I’m an asthmatic who can’t not love cats, carpets and flowers even if they could kill me.

28. I’m a person you have to get to know to like. Maybe not even then. It sucks, I know.

29. I spend a lot on fruits shakes and yogurt.

30. I love bunnies.

31. I know how to cook sauteed vegetables and steamed vegetables. That’s all I know how to cook.

32. When I’m in charge in the kitchen, the meal ends up having a lot of onion and garlic and the fine china always gets set much to my mom’s dismay.

33. I've never stayed in a hospital for more than a day. I wish I have.

34. My blood type is B, Rh+. Just call me if you need some. I donate blood on a regular basis.

35. When I die, I’d appreciate it if the doctors harvest all viable organs.

36. I don’t like kakanin.

37. I will eat fish only if my mom threatens me.

38. I like acorns. I'm like a squirrel when they're around.

39. It takes me twenty mintues to take a bath.

40. I have four blogs.

41. You know I'm having a bad day when I eat three bars of chocolate in succession.

42. When I am able to dance Kitri’s variation in Don Quixote, I’ll know I have arrived.

43. For every thirty minutes I spend in a crowd, I need an hour alone. Yeah, I need that much downtime.

44. When I see a good book on sale, I can’t resist.

45. I want to be a flight attendant.

46. My favorite PE in elementary was swimming. I wasn't good at it and I never made it to the team but I had a lot of fun.

47. I eat cakes layer by layer. I don’t like grabbing a forkful with every layer in it.

48. If I like you and you open the door for me, smile and ask me how my day was, you’d have successfully reduced my brain to hash.

49. I’m very liberal with commas.

50. I love trench coats.

51. I bake a mean batch of oatmeal raisin-chocolate cookies.

52. I can do front splits.

53. I like it when my dad dances. It's a dance that's just so un-self-conscious (how is that supposed to be?) and hilarious that it celebrates life.

54. My brother Mikhael is okay with carrying me on his back. I like being carried a lot. Poor bro.

55. I’m terrified when a baby is put in my arms.

56. I’m not a big fan of precious stones and gold. I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and when I do, I stick to silver.

57. I love Jack Johnson’s “Better Together”

58. When I play Sims, I don’t care about the sims. I care about designing the house. When the house is done, that game’s over.

59. I don’t watch TV a lot so when I do I’m like a crazy person. I get worked up over the commercials. Drives my brothers and mom nuts.

60. I like v-necks. I like basic and plain shirts. If you see me wearing something cool, that’s because either my mom, Aunt Remy or Arman bought it for me.

61. I own two boxes of nail polish. I can’t explain why. I really don’t need them and a lot of them look almost alike.

62. Cockroaches make me cry.

63. When someone cries in front of me, my brain hangs. I don’t know what to do except hug them.

64. Snow may be overrated but I love it.

65. Jamie Sale and David Pelletier skate so well that sometimes I can't help crying.

66. Every time I hear songs with the message 'I am on fire for You Lord" I have a weird compulsion to scream at the radio. (from the original list)

67. I wish I had a refrigerator in my room.

68. I don’t get anime.

69. I don’t think I could spank my kid.

70. I have a hard time describing my natural hair color.

71. I want to dance the story of the woman caught in adultery who was forgiven by Jesus.

72. I don’t like Mexican food.

73. I can’t sleep with the lights on.

74. Most of the time, I have to imagine I’m being hugged just so I can sleep.

75. I have a lot of accessories but I don’t use them.

76. I laugh a lot when I’m depressed. I can’t figure out why. I’m just like that.

77. I prefer bowls over plates, forks over spoons.

78. I don’t like banana ketchup.

79. I want a red RAV-4.

80. I like nature. I love parks and gardens. But don’t ask me to grow. I don’t do gardening. My mom is not happy about it either.

81. I’d love to sit in a ballet company’s studio and watch them rehearse.

82. It’ll be my birthday soon. I’ll be two decades and two. Cool!

83. The only time I wish I were a guy is when I like a person who doesn’t like me.

84. I like rock music now. Nellie, that’s the shock of your life and mine.

85. I tried to learn tennis when I was a kid but I was a total loser. That tennis ball had me beat just chasing it all over the court. I tried to learn it because my best buds, Allan and JP, won a lot of competitions and were popular. I wanted to be popular and important too.

86. I’ve tried the lottery once. I didn’t win. Erg.

88. When I’m nervous, I smile a lot.

89. In sophomore year, I was smiling in class and the professor called me and demanded to know why I was smiling.

90. In ballet class, I was smiling when my teacher was correcting my rond de jambe and she made me stop. She asked if I was taking her seriously or not. I shouldn’t smile when I’m nervous but I can’t help it.

91. This makes me wish I had sweaty palms instead. No one notices sweaty palms. No one associates smiling with anxiety and that's the whole trouble.

92. Sometimes I care too much about what people will think or say. Sometimes I don’t care at all.

93. Stop telling me to get a life. I have one.

94. I haven’t watched a single Star Wars movie.

95. I am a frequent social casualty.

96. Despite numerous warnings from my bestfriend, I still want a boyfriend.

97. I will probably die single. My standards are too high and too many.

98. If worse comes to worse, I’ll adopt a kid.

99. I think I drive my roommates crazy with a single sentence: “Let’s clean the room.”

100. My study break is over.