This Chasm in Me

I wake in the morning dreading the moment, hoping that it won't come. Without fail it does. I feel empty and so alone. The day's moments of "un-busyness" are doomed to hurt as a palpable loneliness seeps into my consciousness.

It is not a loneliness for family, friend or lover. How I wish it were for solutions to that seem to be more or less within my reach. Every moment is a struggle to not turn it into such a thing. Every minute, I feel the gap and hate it but fight to keep it empty. I often fail to do so and with each failure is the reinforced lesson that nothing I would seek to cover the hole in me will ever fill it.

In quiet times, a cry of anguish escapes me. Lord, help my unbelief! Help me know that You are near indeed. That those who seek forgiveness and turn back on their ways are indeed forgiven and loved with no less a love than before they fell. That in Your presence, there is FULLNESS of joy.