Sigh again...

Okay, know what? This week's goal is to fix my quiet times.

I get tired thinking of all the praying and studying, encouraging and building up of relationships, motivating and sharing I should be doing inICF. I get tired getting over a sin of mine i.e. pride issues. I get tired worrying about who and what or even where I should be.

I have this love-hate relationship with striving. I love it because it makes me feel like I might actually be going somewhere with it and that I might actually be accomplishing what I ought to by it. At the same time, I know I can't do it on my own and I hate the weariness that's the major side-effect of trying to speed things up in your spiritual growth by using yourself as a catalyst.

Yeah, so for now, it's just them dates with the Lord. Let's just drop the whole activity and expectations list and go be with Him Kristina. I'll be dragging myself to most of them, I know, but I believe that He can still speak to me and just be with me if He wants to. Well, He promised to.

My AP said something that really banged a crack in my pride and stubborness:

"Just the small things. It is better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Don't expect that you'll be perfect because this is a process. I go to meet God not to know Him more but for because I think He is happy that I remember that we have a date. And that He is happy with me means a lot."