It was with great fear and trembling that I stood up tonight to commit myself to remain on as ICF Core leader in the coming school year. I haven’t even been renewed here in the dorm. I’ve been leading for the past two years and nothing has seemed to come out of the labour I have put in. Now, I guess I am praying as Jesus prayed in the Garden, “Lord, let this cup pass.”
I am supremely discouraged. And I feel like am not the leader for this sort of situation. I am no firebrand, no blazing torch, no enduring runner, no charismatic speaker. I prefer the life of a backstage hand, of a production assistant, and of a sidekick to a superhero. In short, I am no Aldous. I’m more of a Carlo. But I am hoping for an NCF sort of break through. Sigh.
I didn’t receive any sign to do what I did tonight. I didn’t get a phone call from heaven or what Chris Rice calls “divine graffiti”. I only know that I am the only ICFer that will be here next year, assuming my dorm stay is extended. I guess I’m walking in faith. If God really wants me here, I will be here in this room next school year, still praying to God, amidst my doubt and fear, that He would call up new leaders and that more women here would know Him and have a relationship with Him.
God knows my tears, the tears that have come before mine and the tears of other who pray for this fellowship and this dorm. For now, that is enough.
***
Post Script:
- Check out the Philippines' Next Top Model here. She's my roommate. I'm suddenly so sorry I'm not gay...
- More Scraps available
- If anyone would get me Book # 11 of Baby Blues, I'd be the happiest person in the world.
- Thank you to Carlo for offering to sponsor me to the Missions Exposure this year. I might just take you up on that offer. Lysol or no Lysol.
- Sheena, Nellie and Mae: Thank you for sharing your lives with ICF, more importantly with me. Official blog kick-off of you gals coming soon. Complete with pictures. Bwahahaha...
- LG, congratulations, you have survived being VC for publicity. Cheers my friend.Cheers to our Editor-in-Chief! And cheers to your brave moves last night. *Winks*
- Thank you to LG, Aldous, and Carlo for walking ICF home and for praying for us. Thanks guys!
- Nellie, you're probably the only person in the world who can go an entire hour listening to my love rants and gushes and not go mad. Cheers to you and your own love life. True love waits! *glasses clink*
5 comments:
hmm...
it's practically a case to case basis...
you are kristina mendoza, not aldous or carlo... hence, God handles / uses people individually.
even though many of us are graduating (by faith, including me :D), we shall still support you guys. prayer perhaps? :)
muchos thanks. =)
i'd like to see that blush again...hehe
you're not backstage material... dance! ^_~
Delusion Angel:
Haha...Oo nga noh?! But I think that's the only thing I like doing up front and only when I'm feeling well and when the choreography is at least decent. =)
Arg! Pano na ang dance team training?!
Pretty Chinese Girl, what would you have done? :D
Be pleased. You won't be around to hear me whine and rant. =D
Every now and then, a prayer for us would be nice. =)
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