The Joke's on Me

I was helpless, cornered and naked! The cockroach approached menacingly and circled the ceiling above my shower cubicle. I screamed and cried under the cold gush of water while Nellie gave me a play by play commentary of the cockroach movements and laughed. It's the second worse thing that can happen to you. I thought it was the worst until Nellie enlightened me on the possibility of squishing one with your butt as you settled down on the tiolet seat! Ayan! Sinong di nahaharass?!

I had my first QT in weeks this morning. I thanked God for keeping my family safe and healthy. And then my Mom texts and says they're (my Mom and Dad) are both down with the flu. Sigh. Please pray for that.

Then I thanked the Lord for me being single and all His provision for me during this time of my life. I let go of pining for a particular person. And then, after sunset service, the ICFers started teasing me over this guy and it's like walking on coals again. Talk about testing your convictions.

I had assigned articles to my blog team four days ago (I'm the head of the Ilang Blog Team). The deadline was yesterday. I gave them an extension. No one has passed any articles today. So my head's going to roll when Gillian's (PubCom head) head rolls. It's not a pretty sight, especially with dorm renewal going on. Ilang is particularly strict with these things. Residents are evaluated based on obedience to the house rules AND degree of involvement in the dorm council activities. Our committee heads and corridor representatives grade us. With a lot hinging on dorm renewal, my head hurts as I seek to be patient with my team members.

Yet there are things that counter the rants above. I had a wonderful time with my Lord this morning. I am thankful for how He continues to meet me in my irregular quiet hours and for giving me the chance to pray for people. Truly, He has been so gracious and faithful to me despite my headstrong rebellion as someone going throught the teenage phase of Christianity. Recall your teenage years. If it was anything like mine, then it was a period where you knew your parents had a good point, that they were wiser and had a right to disciplining you, and that they were sane, very rational, loving and caring people who weren't out to ruin your life forever. Yet despite knowing all that, you still felt like they were the ultimate killjoys who enjoyed raining on your parade. Basically, you felt like they and the world around you have conspired against you. Even when it's probably not. That's how I'm feeling about God these days. I deserve to be swatted like a fly so I'm thankful that He's being patient with me. It IS His kindness indeed that leads me to repentance.

I had a wonderful time in church this evening, something that hasn't happened for a long time. The song is right, you have to choose to worship. It's awesome how God opens your mouth to sing His praise in a time of brokenness, searching and longing. It humbles me to know that while i may come to give Him worship, I cannot do it on my own and I cannot be proud that I have because He is the One who has enabled me to be in a position to do so.

I'm also thankful that, while this healing process is going to be a long, painful period of sorting out things in my past, He has assured me that He will be there as every memory is taken apart and as I admit to how I really feel and to how this has affected my life. That is a great comfort. And He continues to give me the peace to go at this slow pace, the serenity to avoid hurrying and scrambling from one issue to another. It is Him who gives me the courage to even travel back into time and long repressed memories. He has promised abundance and freedom. He has promised that nothing can seperate me from His love. Such is the Rock I stand upon in this raging storm.

I can still laugh. Even if the joke's on me. That's the sheer madness of grace, love and joy. Thank You Lord.