Eeep

I’m feeling quite overwhelmed by the recent developments in my world.

Yesterday, I attended the DCF Executive Committee. I was surrounded by people who had such passion and vision for the dorms this year. They had great plans, wonderful visions and the passion to run after such visions. Everyone but me was a visionary for the dorms they lived in, everyone but me seemed to get the big dreams of God. I felt puny next to them. I honestly don’t know what the vision is for ICF this year. I don’t dream of this whole dorm getting saved, not that that isn’t possible, with God it is. Right now, the only thing I’m concerned with is reviving the fellowship by seeking out and training the next batch of Esthers. I don’t even know where to start. And I haven’t honestly gotten past the doubt in God’s placing me here as the core leader for the fellowship. I am counted among the Christian loners. I have to “beat my flesh” to attend fellowships. I am not a communicator. Most of the time, when I get the Bible, I can’t seem to come up with words to share this blessing with other people.

Aside from the inner struggle with this leadership, I’m struggling with tasks. As part of the new membership process of the org, I have to interview each member, hold three one-on-one Bible studies with each, and orient and have them sign the membership covenant. This is the part where I am somehow thankful that there are only three ladies that I’m going to tap. I’ve decided to skip interviewing the old members as I am quite sure that they are Christians (which is the objective of the interview) and that they have their theology right. So I guess, things will be okay on this side. I say I guess because I have other “issues” that don’t make it easy to budget time.

For one, I am aspiring to get that extremely elusive GWA of 1.75. I’m actually quite amazed about how grade conscious I have become since last year. I actually get really annoyed when I know I’m attending a class and I am not prepared for it. In the past, I didn’t care about whether I could recite or not. In the past, I relied on cramming. Nowadays, I don’t want to cram. So every night, something academic must be finished. Before, these were my priorities:

1) God, Family
2) Friends
3) DCBC
4) DCF
5) Fun
6) Acads

Today, the list goes:
1) God, Family
2) Friends
3) Acads
4) DCBC
5) DCF
6) Fun

Go ahead and call me anything you like.

And, in light of Mom’s job instability (more of this later), I’m considering taking up a part-time job. I’m thinking of trying tutoring again or of applying as a barista at Starbucks. This of course, takes a chunk out of my time as well.

A girl can feel overwhelmed now, can’t she?

On mom:

Mom’s the department of the Mathematics and Natural Sciences Department. She’s part of the middle management and middle management people are not included in the collective bargaining agreement. So when a bigger, more progressive school acquires the school my mom works at, she is in danger of losing her job. Which is exactly what’s going on right now. And let me tell you why right now is especially not the greatest time for this to happen:

1) All three of us kids are in college. Anyone who doesn’t know how much that costs, go…um…I don’t know…ask around? I graduate in two years. I’m the eldest.
2) Dad’s source of income isn’t reliable.
3) Mom’s near retirement age and age matters in jobs nowadays…I think.

Mom’s really upset, not just for herself but for the entire faculty. I wish I were home right now to hug her. Sniff.

PS A cockroach did the rounds in our room again. As usual, I screamed my head off. But *puffs up chest and takes proud stance* I DID NOT cry...which is what usually happens.