Conversation I: While waiting for the bus...
Me: Hi Auntie! (sabay mano po)
Auntie: Hala! Ang taba taba mo na! Grabe! Ang pangit mo na! Yang mga thighs mo talo pa ang baboy. (Rough translation: Oh my goodness! You're so fat! Gosh! You're so ugly already! Your thighs beat those of a pigs!)
What?! No Hi, Hello, Welcome back, How are you...?
Conversation II: In a mall in Dagupan
Me: Hi! Do you have a size 29? (holds up a SUPER LOW HIPSTER pair of jeans)
Salesperson: Ma'am, largest waist sizes namin dito ay 27. (Translation: Our largest waist size here is 27)
Oooohhh...I want to wring the neck of your buyers!
Converstion III: In a mall in Urdaneta
Me: Excuse po. Do you have a size 29 of this? (holds up another low waist pair of jeans)
Salesperson: Ma'am, we don't have any. But you can try our largest size. (Hands me a size 28)
What in the world is wrong with malls here in Pangasinan?!
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Needless to say, I'm at an all time low. I haven't gotten myself anything decent to wear for my trip because it looks like malls here don't expect large customers. I actually don't mind going to the US in rags. At this point it is just too painful to go out and try to buy something to wear. I hate going out of the house and I hate meeting my relatives around here because I'll just come home depressed. The medical encyclopedia says I'm within my normal weight. The world obviously doesn't agree with that. With what I'm hearing all around, I get this feeling that I weigh 300 lbs and I'm ambling about ala Bridget Jones. I hate mirrors. I hate the stupid malls.
It's getting a little hard to love myself and love my body right now. It's getting hard to believe that I am somehow beautiful in even just one person's eyes.
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My ex comforted me one time by saying that the reason people appeared digusted or shocked at my body was because they were used to seeing me stick thin. True, when I was growing up, I was a very picky eater. I often had no inclination to eat. I was so thin that my mother worried about me and took me to several doctors. I was unhappy then. I'm unhappy now.
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So if I hear one more person tell me I'm fat, ugly, or pig-like, I'm going to cry. And that doesn't happen a lot.
7 comments:
well, if it makes it feel any better, i wear size 34...!
and one of me flatmates said she liked taking photos wif me cuz she won't look so fat when she's standing next to me!
*oink*
p/s - for watever its worth, from all yr pics posted on this blog, u dun look fat at all!
ate kristina,
i must really comment on this... i also wear size 29 jeans ;p
kala mo taunting yun? nope.
i think that i am also not lean, but you know what... people say that i have become so thin.
it does not really matter that i belong to the male species and you are under the female ones.
what matters most is that in an absolute standard, wearing size 29 jeans does not necessarily make you belong to the fat kind :)
attitude. it is just how you carry yourself. always remember that beauty indeed comes from within. it will just shine out physically. smile :)
by the way,
you are not ugly
Awww... You guys... Thanksso much forthat pep talk. It's doing wonders for my mood. =)
I like my big butt. It's sexy. alam mo na kung sino ako. :D How come my pants are in 30s? Hehe.
anonymous, do you go by the name nellie too? =)
No, I'm not nellie. :D hehe. secret lang dapat un, Kristina. Now everybody knows that I like my big butt.
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