You'd think I'd be contented when I chose to follow Christ. Isn't there that "market line" for Christianity that God is everything you need (which is Biblical)? But even now, going four years, I constantly feel like there is something missing. I constantly feel empty or un-whole. I keep seeking for some magical plug to push into this hole that hasn't disappeared.
Pastor Caloy (Kuya Caloy), in one of his many letters he sent me, wrote: Kristina, I pray that you would find His grace sufficient for you.
Until now, I can't forget that. I keep going back to that verse and remembering Kuya Caloy's prayer for me. God is basically telling me that He is my everything. He is all I need. He can satisfy my every need and desire. From time to time, I don't believe that He IS my everything. I am brought back to the truth of it by the smallest incidents. One time, when I was pining especially hard for a guy, for marriage, I saw this local celebrity (a Christian) talk about how even in his relationship with his wife and family, he wasn't fulfilled. There was this part of him that even in this most intimate of relationships wasn't touched. It was like God telling me that even in marriage, I'd still have this annoying hole of need.
And so, in all things, I live with the truth that the Lord, my Master, is also my Bestfriend, my Lover, my Father, my everything. There may be things He choses not to give me and in those miserable times, still He will suffice. So if this nagging search instinct in me helps me land on His step everytime, well then, welcome my friend.
P.S. Angelina Jolie adopted another child, this time from Ethiopia. The woman is truly fascinating. I like her a lot.
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4 comments:
...if this nagging search instinct in me helps me land on His step everytime, well then, welcome my friend.
well said, kris. thanks for the sharing and the reminder. i must keep this in mind too.
(wif reference to your previous post oso) truly, you can tell about a tree thru its fruits. from yr writings, i can see a lot - and am blessed.
of course we are all far from perfect - but we move towards it everyday.
and yes, you shld know i like ms jolie a lot too! ;-)
Listen to U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Brilliant honesty in their faith. I've been where you are many a time, and I think it actually is God's work. This is where you question your faith (if you're being honest with yourself), and if you're seriously digging into the core of your being, you'll come up with the right answers. Ultimately this will deepen your faith. But it does suck while you're going through it.
RTG,
:)
I wanna meet her actually... Perhaps I should go to Africa, she hangs out there often doing UN work...Kidding
John,
It surely sucks but well, it's not like I a choice. At least I have picture of me in the end saying, "Lord, it was so awesome that You put me through that. Thanks."
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