I have a blog. Goodness, I've been that busy. There are days I just collapse into bed and wonder at how I've stayed sane another day.
I got a part-time job as a private English tutor and I'm thrilled about it. My salary is great because I actually have savings right now (useful for those misery-induced shopping sprees and salon trips, not to mention extra cash for US trip--hehe) and I can pay for my ballet classes at Turning Point. The perks are pretty awesome too. My tutee pays the transport fees and I get snacks after each session. One time, he thought I looked really burned out and he gave me a couple of vitamins. It takes up around three hours of my time everyday so I have to cut back on afternoon naps and some extracurricular activities. But I think that this is doing me a lot of good and not just financially. It's a great way to learn new things and I believe it's helping me become a more mature and responsible person.
My GRE review is coming along very slowly these days because I'm busy with my academic load. I got 1.00s last semester and I want to just go out there, scare myself and push myself to see if I can pull that off again this semester. I love most of the classes I have and I'm so eager to learn more in the areas I'm interested in such as time series forecasting and SAS. I'm not turning into that much of a geek or GC to sit at my desk each single night, burning the midnight oil. But I am pushing myself in class to really listen and absorb concepts (and not let my mind wander) and when I get back to my room I review things and try to figure out my problem areas. I still have loads of fun though. The roomies and I have started our Bridge and Pusoy Dos Season and our Video Cityis as used as ever (we actually feel like they're not churning out movies fast enough!).
I've requested vegetarian meals from our canteen because I want to go back to my eating habits five years ago. My brother Omar initiated the idea and we're both trying to get back to the healthy lifestyle our mom brought us up on. College corrupted us for a while but we're trying to get back on track. Mom was right, junk food everyday is BAD.
About two weeks ago, I sat myself down and faced the fact that I can't do all the things I have to, want to, and committed to do this year. I've bitten off more than I can chew. So I'm not joining an academic org at all. Good-bye Red Cross application too. I can't attend ballet class twice a week anymore. I'll have to make the best out of just one class weekly. That reading list will have to wait because all I can handle right now are my statistics texts and maybe a paragraph of Sense and Sensibility every other night, if I'm lucky.
I've also decided not to be active in DCF. I might attend GAs but I can't do it every week. Not as a leader, not even as a member. I expect problems over this but I can't do it because I don't have the time or the desire. Yeah, a pretty cold-hearted decision I guess. I'm hoping I can work out the Dance Team sessions into my schedule because that's something I don't want to give up right now. Dance is one of the things that still makes me smile these days. It's a sanctuary for me and a place where I feel like I can still communicate with God and not feel angry at Him. It's a great feeling when I dance, like I'm part of something bigger than me, something beautiful and powerful. I feel ackward and stiff but it's okay.
Since we're on dance... Teacher Mylene's banned me from pointe work for at least a month. That's sad news for me but at the same time, I know she's right. I've gotten weak over the summer (not surprising) and I need to recover what little strength I once had that got me to my toes. Last class I went to, I barely lived through the barre exercises. There are things to celebrate though. The front split is getting better and so is my extension in my left leg.
Each day has it's good and bad elements, but this is my year and I choose to celebrate each little victory instead of weep over the ruts in the road.
PS New on my list of things to do in my life:
Go to one Winter Olympics (and hopefully witness Michelle Kwan finally get the gold she deserves)
See Jamie Sale and David Pelletier skate
July 30, 2006
July 16, 2006
July 15, 2006
July 13, 2006
A bit grateful...
...because it saved me from a 7AM class. But now it's just boring. Plus, next week will be more hectic because exams have been moved to next week.
July 07, 2006
Background Music: Single - Natasha Beddingfield
For Any Potential Boyfriends
Every lady has her list. Here’s mine…Good grief, I’m that bored!
Non-negotiables:
1. He has to be growing Christian who’s more “mature” than me.
2. He has to have a good relationship with his family. He has to establish a good relationship with mine…Nyahahaha, I don’t even know who’s a tougher nut to crack, my mom or dad. And, oh dear, my brothers…
3. He has to be taller than me. Why? It’s nice to be able to rest my head on his shoulder comfortably. I can hear Eigen say, “Sappy but true.”
4. He has to be neat… e.g. he must be able to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper, capable of basic cleaning in kitchen and bathroom, appreciates bleach, Febreze (allergen-reducer type), and Lysol. Okay, that last one is a stretch. I haven’t met a single guy who appreciates these heaven sent products.
Optional:
1. A good sense of humor (and a great deal of energy to meet the entire extended family…)
2. A creative and “techie” person… An engineer perhaps? Kidding. The family’s crawling with engineers as it is. And that could explain this…
3. It would be nice if he sang. It would even be nicer if he liked dancing (as in pas de deux dances). Someone I can really salsa with.
4. A responsible risk-taker. Hehehe… roller coasters galore… there’s a honeymoon must (half-meant)
5. A health nut (what’s not to love?)
6. A Scrabble fan.
Every lady has her list. Here’s mine…Good grief, I’m that bored!
Non-negotiables:
1. He has to be growing Christian who’s more “mature” than me.
2. He has to have a good relationship with his family. He has to establish a good relationship with mine…Nyahahaha, I don’t even know who’s a tougher nut to crack, my mom or dad. And, oh dear, my brothers…
3. He has to be taller than me. Why? It’s nice to be able to rest my head on his shoulder comfortably. I can hear Eigen say, “Sappy but true.”
4. He has to be neat… e.g. he must be able to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper, capable of basic cleaning in kitchen and bathroom, appreciates bleach, Febreze (allergen-reducer type), and Lysol. Okay, that last one is a stretch. I haven’t met a single guy who appreciates these heaven sent products.
Optional:
1. A good sense of humor (and a great deal of energy to meet the entire extended family…)
2. A creative and “techie” person… An engineer perhaps? Kidding. The family’s crawling with engineers as it is. And that could explain this…
3. It would be nice if he sang. It would even be nicer if he liked dancing (as in pas de deux dances). Someone I can really salsa with.
4. A responsible risk-taker. Hehehe… roller coasters galore… there’s a honeymoon must (half-meant)
5. A health nut (what’s not to love?)
6. A Scrabble fan.
July 05, 2006
The BCO can't stop me
It looks like the absence of an active internet connection in the dorm is failing to prevent me from posting. Just a few thoughts…
Can my enjoyment and glorifying God be one thing and not two separate endeavors? It feels like I'm at crossroads and I can't take both roads.
I’m angry and I feel like God’s trying to tell me “Whoa kiddo! Calm down… love your enemies…” I’d really love it if He were thundering through the earth, furious at the injustice done, powerful and awesome and making every creature tremble. I don’t know, I just feel like it would help if He were angry too instead of all loving and merciful. He knows I’d murder those guys if I ever got the chance. Half-meant.
Do you think that it’s selfish for me to want to go to graduate school abroad? See July 4 post.
I love my mentor. Yeah, I have my “Oh, just leave me now” and “I don’t want to talk to you” days but she’s made of rather strong stuff. She shoots questions right at me and I have to call for another glass of water to gulp down the initial onslaught of embarrassment. But she knows so much that at the end of the day it’s just a relief that someone out there knows most of my dirt and can still say “I love you” sincerely. This always makes me think of Jesus which is always a good thing.
Does anyone want to go jogging/walking around the oval on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 6-7:30PM
Has anyone heard Rihanna’s song “Unfaithful”? Crappy lyrics but the tune is stuck in my head. I mean, if you “love” another guy, break up with your current boyfriend and spare me the theatrics of feeling bad because you’re killing him with your unfaithfulness.
You know you have really cool friends when you ask them for yearbook testimonials and they say you’re a good friend, an intellectual and a Christian instead of saying how bad you are at relationships, how you make no sense at all and how truly depraved you are. Their views are very different from mine I guess. Thanks to Nellie, Joy, Rina, Gee, Apple, Jojee, and Janna.
With the exemption of getting really unlucky in my Stat 138 class (where the professor will grill you and only you for the entire class), life is monotonous. All I get to do is go to class, go back to the dorm and study (or sleep) and sit here in front of a computer and whine. Well, at least now I know why I go so crazy when I get the chance to let loose. There’s a lot of wild under this quiet exterior.
You know, it’d be nice to have someone there for you for a really long time. I feel like there’s an entire parade of people walking in and out of my life. It’s getting really old but it’s not getting any easier. Last night, Gillian (roommate) told me that a person who will always be there for you just doesn’t exist. Great. I guess I have to get used to the perpetual, inevitable flow then. Oh Lord, I miss them all.
Can my enjoyment and glorifying God be one thing and not two separate endeavors? It feels like I'm at crossroads and I can't take both roads.
I’m angry and I feel like God’s trying to tell me “Whoa kiddo! Calm down… love your enemies…” I’d really love it if He were thundering through the earth, furious at the injustice done, powerful and awesome and making every creature tremble. I don’t know, I just feel like it would help if He were angry too instead of all loving and merciful. He knows I’d murder those guys if I ever got the chance. Half-meant.
Do you think that it’s selfish for me to want to go to graduate school abroad? See July 4 post.
I love my mentor. Yeah, I have my “Oh, just leave me now” and “I don’t want to talk to you” days but she’s made of rather strong stuff. She shoots questions right at me and I have to call for another glass of water to gulp down the initial onslaught of embarrassment. But she knows so much that at the end of the day it’s just a relief that someone out there knows most of my dirt and can still say “I love you” sincerely. This always makes me think of Jesus which is always a good thing.
Does anyone want to go jogging/walking around the oval on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 6-7:30PM
Has anyone heard Rihanna’s song “Unfaithful”? Crappy lyrics but the tune is stuck in my head. I mean, if you “love” another guy, break up with your current boyfriend and spare me the theatrics of feeling bad because you’re killing him with your unfaithfulness.
You know you have really cool friends when you ask them for yearbook testimonials and they say you’re a good friend, an intellectual and a Christian instead of saying how bad you are at relationships, how you make no sense at all and how truly depraved you are. Their views are very different from mine I guess. Thanks to Nellie, Joy, Rina, Gee, Apple, Jojee, and Janna.
With the exemption of getting really unlucky in my Stat 138 class (where the professor will grill you and only you for the entire class), life is monotonous. All I get to do is go to class, go back to the dorm and study (or sleep) and sit here in front of a computer and whine. Well, at least now I know why I go so crazy when I get the chance to let loose. There’s a lot of wild under this quiet exterior.
You know, it’d be nice to have someone there for you for a really long time. I feel like there’s an entire parade of people walking in and out of my life. It’s getting really old but it’s not getting any easier. Last night, Gillian (roommate) told me that a person who will always be there for you just doesn’t exist. Great. I guess I have to get used to the perpetual, inevitable flow then. Oh Lord, I miss them all.
July 04, 2006
Go the distance...
Two years ago, my mother asked me why I chose to go to UP instead of attending SLU where a pre-med degree awaited me. I answered her in earnest, “Mom, I wanted to see how far I could go.” She asked me, “And did you find out?” I gave it some thought before replying, “No. I suppose that graduation from UP will tell.”
Two weeks ago, I justified my desire to apply to graduate schools abroad by telling her the same thing: I want to see how far I can go. I am aware that I will graduate without a Latin title, with grades that are average for a UP student. I am also painfully aware of the fact that US$40,000 is not going to magically appear on our doorstep. But still, I hope. I browse through university websites, take note of academic requirements and estimated living expenses of international students, and search for scholarships.
It also motivates me that a lot of my relatives are there. We’re a very close-knit family. My mother wrote my Aunts in the US that she sensed in me a change of views on life in the US (I once scorned her idea of moving there). Mother knows best. Yet the change cannot be attributed to the many comforts and opportunities there. I simply enjoy having family around and I believe that everyone I love will be on that continent within the next ten years.
Of course, there’s a part of me that wants to experience campus culture on the other side of the world. But at the end of the day, the need to know how far I can go urges on dreams of graduating with a Masters in Biostatistics or Health Systems from a university in America.
Maybe I suffer from optimism...
Two weeks ago, I justified my desire to apply to graduate schools abroad by telling her the same thing: I want to see how far I can go. I am aware that I will graduate without a Latin title, with grades that are average for a UP student. I am also painfully aware of the fact that US$40,000 is not going to magically appear on our doorstep. But still, I hope. I browse through university websites, take note of academic requirements and estimated living expenses of international students, and search for scholarships.
It also motivates me that a lot of my relatives are there. We’re a very close-knit family. My mother wrote my Aunts in the US that she sensed in me a change of views on life in the US (I once scorned her idea of moving there). Mother knows best. Yet the change cannot be attributed to the many comforts and opportunities there. I simply enjoy having family around and I believe that everyone I love will be on that continent within the next ten years.
Of course, there’s a part of me that wants to experience campus culture on the other side of the world. But at the end of the day, the need to know how far I can go urges on dreams of graduating with a Masters in Biostatistics or Health Systems from a university in America.
Maybe I suffer from optimism...
July 03, 2006
Feeble Christian
When one is an asthmatic, the first thing one learns to do is to identify allergens and stay away from them.
One afternoon at Borders, I came across a book entitled "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper. Here, I thought to myself, is a book that seems to radiate some little pomise of hitting home in me. I browsed through the contents and made an effort to read the first few sentences of the book. Just three sentences into the foreword, part of me wanted to purchase the book.
In the end though, I walked out of Borders with a copy of Ballet for Dummies instead of John Piper's pack of words. Somewhere between the stacks and the counter, the allergic reaction I've developed to words like joy, God, faith, and grace set in and I dropped the book.
Ironically enough, the subtitle for that book is "How to Fight for Joy".
One afternoon at Borders, I came across a book entitled "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper. Here, I thought to myself, is a book that seems to radiate some little pomise of hitting home in me. I browsed through the contents and made an effort to read the first few sentences of the book. Just three sentences into the foreword, part of me wanted to purchase the book.
In the end though, I walked out of Borders with a copy of Ballet for Dummies instead of John Piper's pack of words. Somewhere between the stacks and the counter, the allergic reaction I've developed to words like joy, God, faith, and grace set in and I dropped the book.
Ironically enough, the subtitle for that book is "How to Fight for Joy".
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