Needed: Knitting Needles ASAP

The boredom got to me. That's the short version of why I'm suddenly so intent on knitting despite comments that its something only lolas can enjoy. I'm convinced that it'll help me get through my insomnia with less irritation. =)

The search for knitting needles has been fruitless so if anyone has some old knitting needles to spare, can I please borrow them? =) Or give them to me. Hehe. Malapit na ang pasko.

This Chasm in Me

I wake in the morning dreading the moment, hoping that it won't come. Without fail it does. I feel empty and so alone. The day's moments of "un-busyness" are doomed to hurt as a palpable loneliness seeps into my consciousness.

It is not a loneliness for family, friend or lover. How I wish it were for solutions to that seem to be more or less within my reach. Every moment is a struggle to not turn it into such a thing. Every minute, I feel the gap and hate it but fight to keep it empty. I often fail to do so and with each failure is the reinforced lesson that nothing I would seek to cover the hole in me will ever fill it.

In quiet times, a cry of anguish escapes me. Lord, help my unbelief! Help me know that You are near indeed. That those who seek forgiveness and turn back on their ways are indeed forgiven and loved with no less a love than before they fell. That in Your presence, there is FULLNESS of joy.

Stupid, stupid!

Okay, I know that this probably old news for you guys but I just found out about it and I really had to rant.

Ryan Philippe and Reese Witherspoon!!! Ugh! Come on people! You can't be serious?! Stupid guy! Ugh!





Haaaaa.... Well now. That felt good.

Go Figure

Sorry, this post is going to be extremely vague and weird to most of you. But it's the one thing I feel like writing about and I'll take what I can get.

I was invited to this certain something and I wanted to go for all the wrong reasons. Make that reason. Well, I've never been to a certain something like this before, boring life that I lead and all. So I could lie and say I was going for that reason. But if I went, I'd break this new dorm rule and that's just not right. But the thought of screwing it crossed my mind you know. Not because I'd finally get to go to that certain something but because there was this Certain Someone there. And that hit me as pathetic and a bit overdone. I mean, I'd break the rule for my family or my bestfriends. But to want to break it for Certain Someone freaked me out. Certain Someone cannot, and I mean CANNOT, mean that much. So just to prove to myself that Certain Someone did not mean that much, I didn't go.

So much for logic.

Nellie, do you have a new blog up or something?

Frozen Pen

I don't feel like writing. I haven't had a decent "writing frenzy" moment in ages. Agh.

Last Semester

...as an undergraduate that is. Oh yeah, I'm claiming that!

Here's the menu for the next four/five months:

Stat 143: Survey Operations
Stat 148: Experimantal Design
Stat 149: Categorical Data Analysis
Stat 191: Survival Analysis
Natural Science II

I approach this semester with much fear, doubt, and insecurity. But above all, I approach it with much looking to God... from out under the ton of bricks that I feel I'm under.

Tralala...

Yeah, about the title... I can't think of another title. =)

I'm in Pangasinan right now and the only reason I can post is because I've finally hauled my butt out of the house. I'm not really busy at home. Konting review lang para sa GRE. Not enough to get me out of BUM Alert zone though. But I've been doing plenty of thinking and babbling to myself and God.

Square One was great! God is awesome! Most of the time, I'm just sighing all over the place because God is just so beautiful. And the Gospel is mind-blowing! truly, you think that one graduates from the Gospel as you mature. Or that's the way it was with me. I was on the "If you wanna grow in faith, read your Bible...then fast...then give sacrficially...then serve in church...lalala etc" track that I forgot the Gospel. I'm not saying the Bible reading and all the other stuff isn't important. They are very important. But they have to be centered around the Gospel. They're not next levels beyond the Gospel. They're more of paths on which I can really live on the magnificent truth of the Gospel.

So I guess I have to tell myself the Gospel everyday. And that's the fact that I have never been more broken and sinful than today but I've never been more loved and accepted than today because Jesus lived and died for me to redeem me from death to the Kingdom life of fullness, wholeness, love and glory in the Father. Hallelujah! You know, I used to cringe at that word. Now it's the only word other than "Whoa!" that can capture a little of the awe I'm in.

My roommates can attest to the fact that despite living in these islands for a decade already, I still suck at Tagalog. I make grammar mistakes and mispronounce words. My first language is English. I can start talking to you in tagalog but in less than a minute my english will come stealing in and I won't even be aware of it. So I've never had the guts to share this Good News to anyone who'd need to hear it in Tagalog. It intensive enough for me to do it in English. And before it felt like I was trying to get people buy into this Christian product of Christ. I felt so fake. And sick sharing to most people before.

But perfect love casts out fear. And it's His love that transformed me into a daughter who is not afraid or ashamed of telling other people, no matter what language or what the outcome might be, about her Savior, Lord and Lover. We had fieldwork during the camp where we went out into a fishing village and witnessed to the people there. We had to do it in Tagalog so it was a faith walk for me but God is so great. Even if I was the one talking and hugging and listening, it was really me just watching God at work, Jesus hugging people and the Holy Spirit talking. And the rejoicing in the heavens that day... Oh my! God is awesome!