Six Years Down the Road

As wide-eyed, idealistic freshmen, we met on the second floor of the Centerfold Wing of the Kalayaan Residence Hall. Six years later...






Left Bottom to Right Bottom:


Gilda: Graduated with a degree in Business Administration and Accountancy. Works for SGV. Studyng for the CIA (Cert. of Internal Auditor) exam.


Nina: Graduated with a degree in Communications Research. Works for TNS.


Alou: Graduated with a degree in Materials Engineering. Starts her PhD program at the University of Cinncinati this October.


Joy: Graduated with a degree in Communications Research. Former Synovate-er. Currently works for the Philippine Bible Society.


Yours truly: Graduated with a degree in Statistics. Works for PSRC-RI.


Tin: Graduated with a degree in Business Administration and Accountancy. Works for SGV. Studyng for the CIA (Cert. of Internal Auditor) exam.


All of us not so idealistic anymore but cautiously optimistic, still in pursuit of our dreams or what's left of them. Haha...

10 Favorite Sensory Experiences

1. Hugs
2. Having my hair brushed or stroked. But it'll feel good with certain people only. I react negatively to others.
3. Back massages done by at Ate Nitz, field interviewer extraordinaire who never fails to make me laugh.
4. The feel of a teaspoon of honey in my mouth.
5. The soothing sight of waves as they come in and out (recede?) and the sounds of the shore: the waves, the gulls, the people around.
6. The sound of Apple and Yam laughing.
7. The whole experience of singing the benediction every Sunday with the entire DCBC family.
8. Joy and her southern belle accent... Or is that soul sistah accent???
9. The smell of freshly baked bread, strawberry wine and babies after their bath.
10. Dancing ballet... Feeling the floor when I'm on pointe... Being attuned to my body... Listening to the music... Feeling the sweat trickle down my back... And the sound of my teacher's voice reciting the steps.

What's This Tag Thing?

Janna tagged me and from what I gather I'm supposed to list 10 weird things about me. Janna, quits na tayo ah? Hehe...


1. I'm a people pleaser and an insensitive person. At the same time.

2. I like treating other people when I'm feeling down because seeing them happy makes me happy too.

3. I want and don't want to immigrate.

4. I danced ballet thinking that I'd injure myself with my foolishness in pointe shoes. But I ended up getting injured while ice skating.

5. I like my ice cream with salt.

6. I wash my hands before and after using the bathroom.

7. Kinikilig ako over the most mundane things.

8. I love watching surgeries but not bloody action scenes.

9. I can't live without white ballet flats in my collection of shoes.

10. I can't for the life of me hold on to a grudge. Even if it means being an embarrassment to womenkind and the rule that we should give the guys a hard time.

I tag Nellie, Joy C., Manders, Mun Onn, Butch, Jojee, Ida, Rina, Omar and LG.

And the ball starts rolling

Thoughts over the weekend:

- I want to move. I need to move. Move na ako! I'm not cut out to be a Southern (Mega-manila) belle.

- I'm using way too much water. Must. Conserve. Water.

- Some guys just don't get it. Agh!

- Purple nail polish makes me happy. But it does not suit me.

- Should have never worn stilettos to the mall.

- This whole "Give the guys a chance to lead" thing is NOT working out.

- I need to get away from... Flee in the other direction is more like it.

- We are all each others keeper. One person can't do it alone.

- Apple was right. When you're sad, it is actually possible to feel such intense pain in your chest that you can't breathe. And in my case, eat.

- Human hearts are weird and extremely fragile things. Handle with care.

Thoughts that came up just now:

- Janna, I still owe you that tag post. Sorry. Am having some difficulty thinking about what's weird about me. =)

- Nellie, where are you? Looking forward to lunch.

- Must. Not. Let. It. Get. To. Me.

Bless Me with More Foolishness

I have a thing for pedestrian lanes. I can be wearing expensive shoes or 3inches+ stilettos but I will kill my feet (and my friends' feet) walking on until I find a pedestrian crossing. Only then will I allow myself to cross the street.

Nothing special, you say.

Wrong. It is. For here in the Philippines, being a stickler for pedestrian crossing, buckling your seatbelt, holding doors open for strangers and standing in line for public transport makes you stand out---often not in a good way.

If you're lucky enough to find a decently painted pedestrian lane, you can still die assuming our drivers know that they're supposed to slow down when they see the sign for Ped Xing. But drivers are just one half of the story. Most people don't even bother using the pedestrian crossing. Jaywalking is the norm here. Don't be surprised if you see someone darting across a major highway in what is tantamount to police chase scenes in Hollywood movies. Or if the do use the pedestrian crossing, they pay no heed to the walk/don't walk signals. They will creep over the crossing, one lane at a time effectively bringing lane by lane of vehicles to a halt even when the traffic light is green.

Try buckling your seatbelt (if there is even one) on a taxi and you'll get one of three things: 1) The driver looks at you, realizes he should be doing the same and proceeds to follow the law. 2) The driver chooses to ignore your subtle hint and drives you to your destination with out using his seatbelt and 3) your friends in the backseat laugh at you for bothering.

Another norm: Doors slamming in your face. Or elevators door closing in on you because no one pressed the hold button and people didn't let you pass. Apparently, one of the reasons we didn't make it to the RD list of most courteous/polite people in the world was because holding doors/elevators open wasn't part of our practices.

As for getting a ride on the bus or jeep in orderly fashion, that exists only in select spots of the metropolis. Most of the time, commuters are assured of the same kind of action only WWF wrestling should offer. I have to stand aside and look on in amazement at a bunch of people turned crabs with all the shoving and trampling going on.

But day in and day out, I grit my teeth and choose to do what's counter-norm. I cross only at designated places, I buckle up, I hold the door and I try to be courteous to other commuters. I make friends suffer doing the same when they're with me. The pedestrian lane thing does not exactly make them burst out in joyful praise.

Why?

Because I stubbornly and maybe foolishly believe that if I want my nation to be a better one it starts with me. It starts with me trying to model what I believe the Filipina will become in a few years. If I dream of a nation that is known for its good goverment and great people, then I have to pray to God for mercy and for grace then go out and practice the vision I have for this country.

For I hope that when my own kids have to catch a bus, they will not be trampled upon. They will not be foolish for buckling up, holding doors open or using a pedestrian lane because by then a new and better norm will prevail.

Who knows? We may top that RD list of most polite people.

Heads Up People!

1. For those of you who've enjoyed Yahoo! Photos Services, go to your account now and tranfer/download your uploaded pictures because they're shutting down the service. I had to transfer all 67 albums in my two accounts to Shutterfly. I have CD copies and all the pictures are still on my laptop bur I'm such a stickler for back-up copies. OC me. Hahaha...
2. Angel beats Tiger! My Dad played golf before but I was never that interested in it. But this news story made me go "Whoa!"
3. I'm moving to Ortigas next month! Now that I'm working OT hours, I feel the pain of the gruelling Paranaque-Ortigas commute. I know a friend who's been waiting for me to give up and, hey, I finally have. Good thing we didn't bet. Nellie, we're roommates again! Will roommates the second time around be sweeter? Hahaha...Corny.
4. Yeah, I'm not doing anything here in the office right now. I go in before 8 (official office hours are 8:30-5:30) and got a chance to have some quiet time since people didn't come in until 9-ish. What a wonderful way o start the week. Now, if my boss would just come in... I can't pretend to be busy forever. Worker lurker mode does not help with the sanity retention.
5. I hear Ballet Manila is performing Carmen sometime this month. Liza Macuja will be dancing. I'll get back to you guys with details. Wish they would do Don Quixote.
6. I am loving the Knorr Porck Cubes commercial! "Makulay ang buhay / makulay ang buhay / Sa sinabawang gulay!" The dance isn't so bad. Great for morning warm-up while waiting for the kettle to warm up the water for coffee.
7. Hate haTE HATE the Pond's commercial. The one with the wife getting out of the car and her husband's thoughtlessness. Ugh!
8. Watching commercials has become part of a day's work for me. I get home around 8, eat dinner then watch TV until 10-10:30. My job requires me to be on top of all these ads and I have yet to get a hang of things. All I really remember are the Knorr and Pond's commercials.

Run Through...

...the woods, plop down on a plush carpet of grass and watch the sun rise or set. Ah, that would just be a perfect thing to do right now instead of sitting in an office pretending to deserve my salary for today. If I'm going to be paid, I'd rather I actually accomplish something, anything that actually helps this company or our clients. Better days (read: Stressful days of endless projects and unending consciousness) are coming and my workaholic soul looks forward to it.

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My brother Omar has been in and out of clinics and hospitals. He has calcium oxalate crystals in his kidneys and that's causing considerable discomfort to him. There are more tests to be done while the doctors are trying to deal with the situation with medications. Hopefully, the crystals will cooperate with the meds and pass through or else surgical intervention will be needed. My brother has had a tough time lately and it's sad that he has to feel bad physically too. So if you could pray for him, I'd really appreciate it.

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QTs really need to stand for Quality Times for me. I feel like I hit God then run. Like I was telling a friend last night, I really shouldn't be surprised if it's tougher to keep company with God, be still and know Him right now than when I was on campus with a million reminders of Him all around. I just need to see God in my new environment. I bet there are a million things that speak of His goodness and graciousness, His power and majesty here in my new world. I simply need to open my eyes and find them. And put a little more backbone into setting time to tune myself to Him.

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YM Moment

Nellie: so after badminton ng monday am, uwi ka na?
Krissy: yeah...why did you wanna do something else?
Nellie: wala naman, just thinking what I'll be doing
Nellie: =)
Krissy: ah ok...cleaning after the mess i leave?
Nellie: you and mess don't belong in a sentece except if it goes like you clean mess
Nellie: =))

A Few Things I love About Pinoys/Being Pinay

1. In the face of seemingly insurmountable trials and difficult circumstances, our sense of humor and love of laughter don't diminish. Together, they are the shadow of the Filipino. Go to the airport and see how Pinoys handle the security measures --- with a lot of chuckles and corny jokes.

2. "Kain po tayo" Translate this into English and you lose all the warmth, love and care that's packed into those three words. And if you're not familiar with Filipino nuances, you might take the invitation seriously when you're not supposed to and some poor Pinoy goes a little hungrier.

3. We know how to have fun! That's not just me talking, that's my American friends too. Just look at the plethora of colorful fiestas and celebrations around our archipelego. There is always a party somewhere and it's seldom quiet and you'll be hard-pressed to stick to your diet. Last year, our Filipino-packed house in Miami was the only one in the entire block making noise on New Year's Eve.

4. If you have Pinoys waiting in line for more than fifteen minutes or stuck together in a jeep in our infamous rush-hour traffic, you will find them chatting with each other. On the shuttle ride I take everyday to and from work, I have gotten to know people well enough during traffic to ask about their kids/spouse/work the next day we see each other.

5. When we meet another Pinoy/Pinay abroad, we go a little crazy! We're just so happy to meet a kababayan that we hug, we eat lunch together, and we talk and talk and talk --- even if we were total strangers to begin with. Plus, you don;t have to worry you'll miss out on this experience because wherever you go in the world, there's a Pinoy there for sure. If we weren't such nice people, we could have implemented a world domination scheme by now. Nyahahaha!

6. We're big on family. We have big families. Family for us consists not just our immediate family but grandparents (and not just your parents' parents), aunts (and their husbands and their husbands' siblings and...), uncles (and their wives and their wives' siblings and...), cousins (first, second, sometimes even third), nieces, nephews, inaanaks... You get the idea. Plan a small, intimate wedding where only family and friends will attend and you'll still have a big wedding in reality because just one family means at least 50 guests already! If two Pinoys get married, it an even longer guest list without even counting close friends.

7. I love how we use unlimited text messaging to greet everyone in our phonebook "Gandang umaga po!". Haha...

Gandang gabi po!

Yey! A Post! (Also read: Pathetic Attempt to Update Blog)

Getting your first paycheck is quite the rollercoaster of emotions. Or is it just me and my warehouse stocked with emotions? Okay, getting MY first REAL paycheck had all the ups and downs and all arounds of a theme park ride.

First, there was the understated text message from a fellow trainee. "Chek ATM. Erly sweldo ntin." I read the text message, looked at my cousin over an emty plate of cake crumbs and scream: "I have money to buy more cake!!! Or coffee. For that matter anything we wanna eat today!!!"

Then there was the mad rush to find a BPI ATM. They are like kabute most of the time but never seem to be grow near you when you actually need to have cash sprigatti. We walk in the crazy heat and by the time we spot one, we could have hurled ourselves against the wall and we would have stuck.

But I forgot my amoy-pawis parfum the moment the machine spit out a receipt. I had cash! Cash I earned! First ever salary! Hah! There was some dancing involved. All the movement probably precipitated thoughts in my brain. I stare at the little slip of paper I was dancing about. What?! Laki naman ng tax/SSS/Philhealth ko!!! Wah! I stopped dancing.

Brains whirled with quick calculations for budget. Momentary joy when I realized I can live comfortably and have a some left for savings. Plunged into panic when I remember that this is God's salary more than it is mine. Tithes!!! Oh my... Okay. Redid calculations. At the end of it all, I'm so grateful Mom is still giving me money for rent. I reminded and still remind myself not to panic too much about how I'll survive five months from now when Mom cuts the rent support. Just save like crazy and curb the comforts (read: comfort food and comfort shoe shopping).

Okay. I can do this. I can. I will survive until the next payday. Hopefully, it'll be early again. Hehe.

Which way? Sit? Okay, I'll sit and be still.

It's not so bad after all. Worries just got the better of me. It's still frustrating and very tiring that I don't have a definite routine yet. But life has been quite an adventure lately and I may be losing pounds living it. Hehe.

I've had lots of promising first and second interviews with very good companies. I'm sorely tempted to insist on my choice of work, but God has been enabling me to pray for His best instead of what I think is best. "I establish your steps", He tells me and then proceeds to give me grace to trust and surrender.

Living on campus and having the luck to reside in a dorm that's just a stroll away from my college building has definitely not prepared me for long commutes. For those who don't know, I live with my Tita in Paranaque right now. To get to UP, I have to take four rides and the average time I spend travelling is 1.5 hours. Being a night owl certainly does not help with waking up early. But, with a lot of help from my Tita and 7 year old niece, I haven't missed or been late for an appointment. I've discovered the joys of commuting. What joys you ask. Well, you get to plan the day ahead or examine the day that was. You get to spend time thinking, reflecting, or praying. And you can lose weight. Public transporation in the Philippines is a entire workout: climbing stairs, running after buses, strenghthening your core by trying to maintain an upright position while standing... And if you happen to be wearing a suit, the summer weather will give you a sauna treatment.

Speaking of my niece (some sentences earlier), being around her has made me realize I don't have a lot of a disciplinarian energy in me. One smile and my irritation is gone. Not in the mood to bathe? Fine, I'll give her fifteen minutes to get one and then I'll give her another fifteen minutes. I can't even muster enough to intimidate her into listening to me. I am bound to spoil my kids. *Grimaces*

Anyway, I have a room all to myself and that's something I've always dreamed of. I wasn't wrong about all the perks it has. I have a lot of privacy which means I don't have to feel conscious while praying (I tend to pray out loud). It's good for my GRE review too. Somehow, I have managed to stay away from the television with all it's channels, Gray's Anatomy and House. I am tempted to use the phone a lot but since I don't have anyone to call locally its escaped an unpleasant fate. There's a community pool that I enjoy almost every night. I wasn't very close to my Tita and cousins before but they are such a riot that it's hard to be lonely during the day. God is good. Really.

Graduation is this Thursday and I don't even have a dress or shoes. I'm STILL not feeling it. Haha... This is unusual behavior for a Mel-Phleg like me.

Okay, this post clearly has no theme. Sorry.

I want to stay, I want to go

This is no longer home for me. The packing has kept me preoccupied so the misery hasn't set in until now. I'm done packing almost six years worth of UP life. Tomorrow, I'll be home for the first time in five months. Tonight, I am besieged with worries.

Four hours from now I'll move to my Tita Perla's place in Paranaque. Four days from now I'll start working at NIH. I feel like I've been stripped of all my comforts - friends, familiar places and the comfortable routine of student life. It's depressing but I must move along. The light for my path these days is the knowledge that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The life I lead may change drastically but the One who leads me changes not. With that I can close my eyes and sleep in His embrace of love that casts out all my fears.

Come on inspiration!

Posting used to be so easy for me. There were once days I'd publish three posts. Nowadays, I actually struggle. Sitting at a table, fingers poised above the keyboard, and eyes searching the ceiling for some hint of inspiration is no way to live. Thank God my mother discouraged me from a career in journalism... I think. No insult meant to those who are in that field. You guys are gifted beings.

I'd rather be presented with a normal probability plot and I'll regurgitate an entire bunch of words in milliseconds. Toxic is the word for me. I love my major and all, but too much of a good thing is bad. Throw in weeks of sleeplessness, anxiety, a lot of green tea and siomai. Perfect mix for writer's block.

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Big load off has been taken off my chest so at least the whole breathing thing is easier. =P Last Saturday's thesis defense was my most successful one ever. My professor was impressed and had no questions about our paper whatsoever. To think that we had just two days to write that up and analyze the data. That is what I call divine intervention. I praise God for the results. I did some David dancing (didn't get anywhere near naked though!) in front of my professor in stilettos out of the sheer joy and amazement at my Lord. I scored wounds on my feet that day but who cares? Ballet prepared me well. *Winks*

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There are major decisions I have to make. Do I start working full time? Or do I concentrate on reviewing for the GRE? Do I really want to work for this particular company? Where am I going to live? Where am I going to get my finances? How can I arrange things so that I can still be around friends and still attend church? The answers don't come easy especially when it's not just my life that's going to be affected. It's rather terrifying so I'm glad of the constant assurance of God's leading and wisdom. He has led me through shadow and valley with unfailing mercy. Surely He will lead me with the same gentle firmness and love through the coming months.

Then there are the minor, everyday or hourly decisions I face. Some days ago, I flopped down on my bed and said " God, ten thousand angels around my heart right now wouldn't be such a bad idea. Can You do that for me please? You know how weak I am in handling this kind of relationship." God has been doing more than that. In every challenge, His grace abounds then abounds even more come the next one.

To all who look to God in tha face of the impossible, we shall never be abandoned.

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It's getting late. I have to start working on my final paper for the semester and hopefully my last requirement as an undergrad student.

"We would give her more consideration, when we judge a woman, if we knew how difficult it is to be a woman." - Geraldy

Most of the time, I lead a rather boring existence. But lately, I've had some rather interesting experiences...

1. Sleeping on the floor sans mattress/banig/blanket
2. Eating PhP2.50/pc siomai for dinner and breakfast
3. Not living, sleeping, studying, or eating in my dorm.
4. Enjoying several bike rides in Krus na Ligas
5. Not being able to shower at night
6. Bonding with thesis groupmates
7. Wanting to hit thesis groupmate with my defective mouse
8. Getting bad exam results from the ones I expected would go well and getting good (really good!) exam results on ones I expected to fail
9. Praying for people when I can't fall asleep. I hate that it's my sleeping pill lately but what's more unfortunate is that it actually works
10. Finding God in unexpected places

Two more papers and I'm done. I hope. =P

Thank you to all who love me in their prayers.

Better posts coming up.

Oh yeah, my blog. Teehee

1. Updates. I need a lot of those these days when thesis papers are all we practically eat, drink and breathe. My laptop is crawling with viruses as the result of all the file sharing with groupmates. Unfortunately, you can't be OC with your laptop when you're pressed with time and no one's head is cool.

2. My roommates and I found a lovely, newly-renovated house in Krus na Ligas. For a two-storey, fully furnished, chandelier-lit, spacious and clean place, it's incredibly cheap at only four thousand a month (water and electricity included). Unbelievable? My mother certainly doubts the offer. But I've checked and rechecked with the owner and it's true. It's a huge blessing for the four of us. My mom is acting a bit anxious over the whole thing. She wants to go shopping for pots, pans and appliances. She even offered to buy me a TV! I quickly refused that offer. I've lived for six years without a TV and a couple more years (or months?) won't make much of a difference. Mom has also set up cooking classes for when I am home for the Holy Week. Looks like my Lenten reflections will be done whilst cooking (read as burning or spoiling) food. Hehe... Mahal talaga ako ni Mama.

3. We just finished our 143 analysis this evening and it's a big load off our chests. Praise God for the sanity and grace. Just a few more finishing touches to our 191 paper and we're done with that too. It's both a relief and a problem. Part the requirement is a peer evaluation to be submitted by each member of the group. There are five of us in the group but only four of us have been really engaged in completing the paper and defending it. There's a part of me that hesitates to give one of my groupmates a failing grade in the peer evaluation for this paper. It doesn't seem like the kind thing to do or, dare I say, the Christian thing to do. I struggled with this last night before God and I still do not have an answer. Am I not commanded to forgive, have mercy and be gracious for I have received all those things in Christ? At the same time, it does not seem right to bestow a grade not earned. It's so easy to count how much I have done and sacrificed in the process of writing that paper and be angry at my groupmate. The deadline for peer evaluation is on Thursday. I guess I will chew on it some more. Thoughts on the matter anyone?

4. Sometimes understanding both sides of an issue is what makes life difficult. You aren't allowed the luxury of being selfish and close-minded. You cannot indulge in emotions of anger, smugness or annoyance. Instead, you struggle as your heart and mind try to find a middle ground to rest safely on. And this struggle takes quite some time. I'm in for the long haul. Sigh.

5. I'm supposed to be writing about the formal dinner last Friday. But I can't think of anything to say... We've been gabbing about it for the past three days here in the room and I'm out of words. We've analyzed and overanalyzed, cropped and retouched pictures, collected bets we've won and paid bets we lost... There is nothing new to say. The pictures will have to suffice. Click here for full album.

6. It weird to know that my mom might read this... Miss ko na kayo. =)

7. Hirit ni Pastor Bel in his sermon last Sunday:

When a diplomat says "Yes", he means "Maybe..."
When a diplomat says "Maybe...", he means "No."
When a diplomat says "No", he is not a diplomat.

When a guy asks a lady is he can hold her hand and she says
"No", she means "Maybe..."
If she says "Maybe...", she means "Yes."
If she says "Yes", then she is no lady.

The Monster Emerges Again

Me: “We’ll start on our 191 paper this afternoon. 1:30 at Ilang. Please review our lessons so that everything will go smoothly and we’re not stumped on how to make sense out of our analysis. Okay everyone?”

Groupmate 1: “I don’t understand anything from Cox regression onwards.”

Me: “That’s why I suggested a review. There’s no way this paper will get done if we don’t understand anything.”

Groupmate 2: “But it’s just a waste of time for us to review. You’re good at this. You understand the subject because you love it. Kaw na gumawa lahat!” *Giggles*

Me: Riggghhht. *Emits Glacial Stare*

I think I’m moving from melancholic-phlegmatic to melancholic-choleric, at least in my academics. I think it’s the worst possible version of me. I get cranky when you appear for meetings just ten minutes late, I’ll hit you with glacial stares if you fail to remember that the deadline for your assigned task was today, and at the height of my irritation, I can even march to our professor and tell him you contributed nothing to the thesis and you know that’s a story that can never end well. Take my word for it. I’ve done that last thing already. If there is any ounce of compassion in me it will disappear in an uncooperative group.

I already hold a reputation in the batch for being OC and “excellence-oriented” which aren’t bad things really. But when the people around you are satisfied with mediocre results and they hate you when you start picking apart every stage in the analysis to improve it, life can be less miserable.

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I really need to rein in some of my thoughts. I tend to open up my blogger account and write without a thought to censoring my words. I gave Mom the link to my blog two days ago and the gravity of that action hit me only last night. If she to go through my archives... Oh my. My mom and I are pretty close but not THAT close. Other than my Mom, I know my cousins are reading this and I haven't really been thinking about that either. Gee Kristina, have a little wisdom. *Wry laughter* Don't even get me started thinking about my brothers and sisters in Christ.

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I need a house/apartment. If anyone knows a place, please do tell me about it. If anyone else needs a place to stay and wants a roommate, I'm here hoping for one too. Warning: I'm a little bit on the freaky side of neatness.

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Formal dinner coming up in a week. Anyone wanna be my escort? Haha...

One Last Chance

Graduation is a just about a month away. Papers are due, exams are filling up our days. Our batch has yet to decide on our theme, order our precious sablays and pay the grad fee. I feel the pressure to make the most of my days as a senior knowing that they are numbered.

There's these three things I dream of doing. I literally dream of them. A lot of risk is involved however and that's why they've remained dreams for the good part of the school year. The semester is about to end and I face the question of whether or not the risks are worth it. Just because this is my last chance, am I allowed to be reckless?

I don't know about you but it's kinda pretty.

They looked like an art project on my skin. Bright splotches of red on a white canvas. Okay, almost white canvas. Of course, I can only say this of my skin rashes/allergy now that I'm all clear and itch-free. My eternal gratitude goes to antihistamines and steroids and to God giving whoever invented the stuff the wisdom to do so. Thank you to all who kept me in their prayers.

God, I miss chocolates. And chicken. And eggs.

Post #279

This is me, desperate for an outlet that won't break my heart in a month or so. Hehe. Ang babaw na talaga ng blog na ito.

I Need Love - Sixpence None the Richer

i left my conscience like a crying child
locked the door behind me put the pain on file
broken like a window i see my blindness now

i need love
not some sentimental prison
i need god
not the political church
i need fire
to melt this frozen sea inside me
i need love

driving into town tired and depressed
like a flare the streetlight bursts an s.o.s.
peace comes to my rescue and i don't know what it means
i need love

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I like this place where I am just me before a God who has pursued me until I finally turned around. I must admit that the turning around was no pretty scene. If anything, it was a scene emotionally charged with much anger, disappointment and frustration instead of a humble heart. But maybe that is a healthy interaction with God as well. Maybe it is better that I try to read the Bible and end up throwing it halfway across the room than stowing it in one of the boxes below my bed, out of sight and out of mind.

I count it a daily miracle that I am walking with God even at such a painfully slow pace. The time I spent in the darkness was not wasted time. It helped me to appreciate His grace and His presence. There is nothing more terrifying than getting a close look at the little monster you are and not having someone there to love you.

Bored and somewhat lovesick

Because of certain recent events, I have been called upon to give advice to male friends about initiating relationships. I have no idea why I find myself in this place as I would prefer that my male friends ask other males regarding matters like this. I would just like to observe the hesitancy, nay fear, of stepping out that I consistently encounter in these conversations. I am no expert in love and claim no wisdom on the matter but I do believe that men were made to initiate and made to risk rejection from my kind.

I was reading through some articles on Boundless and would like to share something that made me shout with agreement. Addressed to Christian men who have someone in mind, someone they’ve been praying for and someone they would like to pursue, I hope you don’t mind my posting this excerpt from Croft’s article “Biblical Dating: Are you ready to date?”

In his Boundless article, "Real Men Risk Rejection," Michael Lawrence eloquently summarizes both the objections some men might raise to this idea, and, in my view, the ideal response:

"'Wait a minute. Are you saying that all the risk is mine?' Yes I am. 'Doesn't that mean that she can just tell me no and leave me twisting in the wind?' Yes is does. Welcome to leadership. Welcome to trusting God. Welcome to being a man. Your cards belong on the table. Your intentions and your feelings, to the extent that you can discern them and it is appropriate for
you to share them, should be clear. Part of your role even at this early stage is to protect the woman of your interest from unnecessary risk and vulnerability by providing a safe context in which she can respond."

Full article here: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001443.cfm

La lang ata ako mapost kaya eto na ginagawa ko…hehehe… violent reactions are most welcome. Dear friend, fidgit not, I understand and sympathize. God give you the grace to walk in joy in this time of your life.

Remembrance

The dirth lasted no longer than two days. Alas, many questions go unanswered still and assumptions threaten the sunny skies and the sanity of my mind. This is such pleasant torture. Blame the GRE for my bloated vocabulary.