Oh yeah, my blog. Teehee

1. Updates. I need a lot of those these days when thesis papers are all we practically eat, drink and breathe. My laptop is crawling with viruses as the result of all the file sharing with groupmates. Unfortunately, you can't be OC with your laptop when you're pressed with time and no one's head is cool.

2. My roommates and I found a lovely, newly-renovated house in Krus na Ligas. For a two-storey, fully furnished, chandelier-lit, spacious and clean place, it's incredibly cheap at only four thousand a month (water and electricity included). Unbelievable? My mother certainly doubts the offer. But I've checked and rechecked with the owner and it's true. It's a huge blessing for the four of us. My mom is acting a bit anxious over the whole thing. She wants to go shopping for pots, pans and appliances. She even offered to buy me a TV! I quickly refused that offer. I've lived for six years without a TV and a couple more years (or months?) won't make much of a difference. Mom has also set up cooking classes for when I am home for the Holy Week. Looks like my Lenten reflections will be done whilst cooking (read as burning or spoiling) food. Hehe... Mahal talaga ako ni Mama.

3. We just finished our 143 analysis this evening and it's a big load off our chests. Praise God for the sanity and grace. Just a few more finishing touches to our 191 paper and we're done with that too. It's both a relief and a problem. Part the requirement is a peer evaluation to be submitted by each member of the group. There are five of us in the group but only four of us have been really engaged in completing the paper and defending it. There's a part of me that hesitates to give one of my groupmates a failing grade in the peer evaluation for this paper. It doesn't seem like the kind thing to do or, dare I say, the Christian thing to do. I struggled with this last night before God and I still do not have an answer. Am I not commanded to forgive, have mercy and be gracious for I have received all those things in Christ? At the same time, it does not seem right to bestow a grade not earned. It's so easy to count how much I have done and sacrificed in the process of writing that paper and be angry at my groupmate. The deadline for peer evaluation is on Thursday. I guess I will chew on it some more. Thoughts on the matter anyone?

4. Sometimes understanding both sides of an issue is what makes life difficult. You aren't allowed the luxury of being selfish and close-minded. You cannot indulge in emotions of anger, smugness or annoyance. Instead, you struggle as your heart and mind try to find a middle ground to rest safely on. And this struggle takes quite some time. I'm in for the long haul. Sigh.

5. I'm supposed to be writing about the formal dinner last Friday. But I can't think of anything to say... We've been gabbing about it for the past three days here in the room and I'm out of words. We've analyzed and overanalyzed, cropped and retouched pictures, collected bets we've won and paid bets we lost... There is nothing new to say. The pictures will have to suffice. Click here for full album.

6. It weird to know that my mom might read this... Miss ko na kayo. =)

7. Hirit ni Pastor Bel in his sermon last Sunday:

When a diplomat says "Yes", he means "Maybe..."
When a diplomat says "Maybe...", he means "No."
When a diplomat says "No", he is not a diplomat.

When a guy asks a lady is he can hold her hand and she says
"No", she means "Maybe..."
If she says "Maybe...", she means "Yes."
If she says "Yes", then she is no lady.

The Monster Emerges Again

Me: “We’ll start on our 191 paper this afternoon. 1:30 at Ilang. Please review our lessons so that everything will go smoothly and we’re not stumped on how to make sense out of our analysis. Okay everyone?”

Groupmate 1: “I don’t understand anything from Cox regression onwards.”

Me: “That’s why I suggested a review. There’s no way this paper will get done if we don’t understand anything.”

Groupmate 2: “But it’s just a waste of time for us to review. You’re good at this. You understand the subject because you love it. Kaw na gumawa lahat!” *Giggles*

Me: Riggghhht. *Emits Glacial Stare*

I think I’m moving from melancholic-phlegmatic to melancholic-choleric, at least in my academics. I think it’s the worst possible version of me. I get cranky when you appear for meetings just ten minutes late, I’ll hit you with glacial stares if you fail to remember that the deadline for your assigned task was today, and at the height of my irritation, I can even march to our professor and tell him you contributed nothing to the thesis and you know that’s a story that can never end well. Take my word for it. I’ve done that last thing already. If there is any ounce of compassion in me it will disappear in an uncooperative group.

I already hold a reputation in the batch for being OC and “excellence-oriented” which aren’t bad things really. But when the people around you are satisfied with mediocre results and they hate you when you start picking apart every stage in the analysis to improve it, life can be less miserable.

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I really need to rein in some of my thoughts. I tend to open up my blogger account and write without a thought to censoring my words. I gave Mom the link to my blog two days ago and the gravity of that action hit me only last night. If she to go through my archives... Oh my. My mom and I are pretty close but not THAT close. Other than my Mom, I know my cousins are reading this and I haven't really been thinking about that either. Gee Kristina, have a little wisdom. *Wry laughter* Don't even get me started thinking about my brothers and sisters in Christ.

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I need a house/apartment. If anyone knows a place, please do tell me about it. If anyone else needs a place to stay and wants a roommate, I'm here hoping for one too. Warning: I'm a little bit on the freaky side of neatness.

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Formal dinner coming up in a week. Anyone wanna be my escort? Haha...

Play "Heart of Life" by John Mayer

"I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen"

I've been sad for days. So on Saturday I allowed myself a good 3-minute cry (tears do not come easily when I need them the most). And while I was curled up there, I remembered...

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"

...that I finally found a job that fits into my career path as a clinical/medical statistician. It's part-time until I graduate. By April, if nothing new comes up, I'll work full time. I never thought an opportunity like this would come up but it did. God is not against me.

"You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining"

...all the people that cared for me and prayed for me while I was sick in the hospital. Getting sick and dying alone is among my greatest fears. I haven't exactly been a really great person so I thought no one would care. But when I was sick and I felt like I was dying, it was such an incredible blessing to have people turn up and prove me wrong.

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"

...all the people who turned up last Saturday for Openhouse. I'm a terrible hostess and they had to bear with me. I enjoyed the time we spent together and was greatly encouraged by them.

"Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good"

...that God is still patiently waiting for me. He should be pretty annoyed --- downright "wrathy" is more like it --- at me by now. But he's not. It's stupid and I know it. I do something for you, you do something for me. I know that my relationship with him does not work that way, that he owes me nothing, and that I should be repenting of this. But my knees are too proud and God knows my heart. And so it is annoying that I ache for His presence. Annoying but oddly comforting. My heart has yet to be fully stone. I am loved still. I am not that alone. And God is still God.

We don't do this a lot.

And I don't mean us dressing up in smart casual. I mean OPENHOUSE. In fact, it's a once a year thing for us like birthdays or Christmas. So come on and hang out at our place for once. We'll find ways to chill in the heat. The door will be unlocked from 10AM-6PM. Remember the room number: 122. See you!

Two Signatures Later...

Krissy doesn't have to change her city address. Her mother releases a sigh of relief heard over three provinces.



In other words, Ilrehan pa rin ako next semester! *Whoops!* Thank you God!

Haha, I won't miss any views of this kind from my doorway:






I'm so thankful that I don't have to move out just yet. Mind you, I was ready to. I was ready for anything life would throw at me because I was thinking that it'll break the monotomy of calmness and push me into a place where my faith could maybe thrive again. You know that it's said in the great book that one should consider it pure joy when trials hit because they are helping your faith to grow. And if there's something really important in life right now, it's my faith (even if it's shifting, stumbling, and sometimes crawling along). I'll take however small a mustard seed it'll come in. I'll take crumbs right now if that's all there is.

Late Late Late

...because it's been hard to find the time or mood to post. =P

We're one happy lot. It's not hard to detect humor and fun in the stories swapped in classrooms and dorms today. It sounds like Milenyo was one big adventure to all of us.

For the ladies of room 122, adventure fails to describe our Milenyo experience whose highlights for us included:
- a three day brownout
- rushing to the coop to grab candles and trying to study by candlelight
- our window screen threatening to fall down because it couldn't withstand the wind
- the tree behind our room falling towards our room resulting in cracked window panes
- the tree in front of our room falling (thankfully) away from our room and taking with it one of the lamp posts in the garden

- a rat entering our room throught the gaps of the window screen (apparently the fallen tree acted like a bridge between wildlife and us)
- a snake nearly entering our room. actually, we're not sure if it entered or if it slithered out so we're constantly checking the floor and our beds.
- dinner at 4PM presumemably because the mess hall didn't want to spend on candles
- night trips to the bathroom fraught with avoiding "cat bombs". Apple failed to dodge one on the first night.
- trying in vain to find a working ATM
- a short walk around to survey the damage which proved to be quite extensiv
- a trip to Marikina to charge all electronic devices especially our cellphones

A suggestion:
- The government or the utility providers should seriously consider phasing out electrical poles. Instead, bury the electric (and telephone?) lines underground. That way, we won't be so paralyzed by power shortages because of poles falling over

I went to SM North last Sunday. And do you know what? I could actually see the sky. No billboards in sight. Much better that way. Both for aesthetic and safety reasons.

Jollibee Philcoa had a great business day (night?) on Thursday. Establishments along Katipunan became extensions of dorms, houses, and apartments as everyone escaped the gloom and heat for some light, food and a chance to study. Yey for generators!

Of course, it may seem like a memorable, almost fond, experience to us but there are towns that are still in the dark, people in serious need, people missing and people whose lives were ended. Let's keep them in our prayers (however sporadic they may be?)

P.S.
Ze iPod lives! Thanks to the Apple Service Center in SM North.