Feeling Rather Accomplished

I fixed a leaking tap this afternoon with my bare hands! Well, not exactly. I used a wrench. I actually had to google tool names to find out what I used. Haha.

Basta! I fixed a tap!

Gray Area

I'm roughly 9 months into Malaysia life. I still don't have a job. That's such a gray area for me right now. Part of me wants a job because:

1. Extra money is extra money
2. I have a lot of free time on my hands as a housewife since there aren't any kids yet. Free time that I fill up with reading, cooking, chores, and some blogging. But I can restructure things to entertain an 8 hour job. There is definitely that space.
3. I really hate it when people ask "So what do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" Boredom is something you can escape from. I choose to keep myself occupied.
4. Related to Point #3, my self-esteem is somewhat in the dumps. There seems to be no pride to be had in my current situation. Mom will say "Bloom where you are planted" but the general aura I get is that I am such a waste of air.

Part of me can live with staying a housewife because:

1. We're making enough. Thank God.
2. It's heartwarming to hear the hubby when he says he likes it when he comes home to me. Maybe he means the food I cook not me. But I don't mind that either. That leads me to...
3. I enjoy trying to be a domestic goddess. Heaven knows I have not quite gotten the knack of cooking in under an hour or opening the fridge to get an idea of what to cook. I let the clothes pile grow huge before I tackle the ironing (but isn't that more economical?). The broom is still conspiring against me, I swear. But I am enjoying all this fiddling around.
4. I don't know how long before this housewife status turns into SAHM status.
5. I have tried applying to jobs outside of my previous industry. None of them have even invited me to an interview. Either I don't catch their eye with my qualifications or no one wants to hire me at the expense of a work visa/tariff.
6. I could apply to jobs more like the one I had before. There's an indication I might get a job more readily there. I just feel that if I go back to that, I will be in a bad place. I wasn't good at balancing it when I was single. I don't think that I will excel at that now. My overwhelming need to please people and get things out of the way now (now na!) coupled with my slow cooking spells disaster. 

Oh Lord, what to do?

Fresh Start

Just a couple of updates. I'm married now to the wonderful, handsome Carlo. I quit my job and moved to be with the hubby in Malaysia, a land of new spices and smells that my tongue and nose have yet to like. A 2-bedroom unit is home for now. We actually don't know what to do with all the space. Do come visit, you're very welcome. Just let us know when.

And so here I am. Nowadays, I write "Housewife" in blanks asking for occupation. I just googled substitutes for cornstarch as I don't have any to make tonight's dinner of tamarind glazed chicken. My husband worries I'm getting bored. I'm not. There's always something to do, ways to keep entertained.

And a photobook of our wedding pictures that I should have finished ages ago but cooking (it's more fun!) has gotten in the way.

Armed and fabulous

The only thing I want to trim for my wedding day is my arms. I can suck the tummy in. I love my hips but huge arms just don't work on a tube wedding dress.

I am almost at the point where I believe Self and Women's Health mags and all those exercise plans that promise I'll see results in 2 weeks.

Argh. Weights. Hate.

The Last Say

Carlo: I visited your porch today. The last post was on my birthday in 2009.
Krissy: Yeah, I microblog on FB instead

Who knows, maybe this year baby the last post is going to be:

Off to build their own porch
-- Mr and Mrs Lallana

25!!!

Welcome to 25 my dearest! I've been waiting for you for 29 days. Hahaha
I know it's going to be another great year ahead of you!

Happy birthday Carlo!
I love you so much!
Squeeze!

It has been 2 months. But it feels like 5. I think of the months to come and a solid vine of loneliness grips me.

I threw myself into family when they were around. That helped but it was still painful. I am too proud to let my mother see me cry but I was unable to hide during one of my sobfests in the US. Every word of comfort she said to me only made me cry harder.

Now it is more difficult. Family is far. I have thrown myself into work only to get sick. So I think now that God will not let me ignore my brokenness. I figured that the way to survive this time was to distract myself. But it seems as though He would have me face it head on.

A good friend told me that God is using this time to further mold me. I guess this fact is comforting only in the aftermath of it all, when Carlo is home again. Until then… my comfort is the hope that I might truly appreciate His word that He is close to the broken-hearted.

**I realize the fact that I am not broken-hearted in the usual sense of the word... Nonetheless, I think the words still apply to my current state of feeling like I am lost.

Pictures!

Pictures (and some quick notes) from my US trip can be viewed on my share site:

http://casummer2009.shutterfly.com/

How is your heart?

In need of repentance.

Bittersweet

It has been tough even with family around. I feel bad nga sometimes for being sad around family. I'm happy to hang out with them too (Selina the Baby is such fun to take care of!) but I can't deny there's someone missing. Everytime I see something, I wish he could be here to see it with me. When I'm laughing with my cousins, I wish he were here to laugh along.

Our first birthday's coming up. That'll taste of dark chocolate too.