krissy's porch

Armed and fabulous

2011-04-08T19:00:00.002+08:00

Seriously the only things I wanna trim for my wedding day is my arms. I can suck the tummy in, I love my hips but huge arms just don't work on a tube wedding dress.

Am almost at the point where I believe Self and Women's Health mags and all those exercise plans that promise I'll see results in 2 weeks.

Argh. Weights. Hate.

The Last Say

2011-04-07T15:56:00.002+08:00

Carlo: I visited your porch today. The last post was on my birthday in 2009.
Krissy: Yeah, I microblog on FB instead

Who knows, maybe this year baby the last post is going to be:

Off to build their own porch
-- Mr and Mrs Lallana

25!!!

2009-10-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

Welcome to 25 my dearest! I've been waiting for you for 29 days. Hahaha
I know it's going to be another great year ahead of you!

Happy birthday Carlo!
I love you so much!
Squeeze!

Tower Mode

2009-08-15T00:31:00.001+08:00

I need not to need. Because I can't whine, rant or complain. If this is supposed to utilize the little EQ I have, then it it really stretching it.

2009-08-09T23:38:00.003+08:00

It has been 2 months. But it feels like 5. I think of the months to come and a solid vine of loneliness grips me.

I threw myself into family when they were around. That helped but it was still painful. I am too proud to let my mother see me cry but I was unable to hide during one of my sobfests in the US. Every word of comfort she said to me only made me cry harder.

Now it is more difficult. Family is far. I have thrown myself into work only to get sick. So I think now that God will not let me ignore my brokenness. I figured that the way to survive this time was to distract myself. But it seems as though He would have me face it head on.

A good friend told me that God is using this time to further mold me. I guess this fact is comforting only in the aftermath of it all, when Carlo is home again. Until then… my comfort is the hope that I might truly appreciate His word that He is close to the broken-hearted.

**I realize the fact that I am not broken-hearted in the usual sense of the word... Nonetheless, I think the words still apply to my current state of feeling like I am lost.

Pictures!

2009-07-20T13:42:00.001+08:00

Pictures (and some quick notes) from my US trip can be viewed on my share site:

http://casummer2009.shutterfly.com/

How is your heart?

2009-07-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

In need of repentance.

How is your heart?

2009-07-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

In need of repentance.

How is your heart?

2009-07-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

My heart is... In need of repentance.

Bittersweet

2009-06-13T14:41:00.003+08:00

It has been tough even with family around. I feel bad nga sometimes for being sad around family. I'm happy to hang out with them too (Selina the Baby is such fun to take care of!) but I can't deny there's someone missing. Everytime I see something, I wish he could be here to see it with me. When I'm laughing with my cousins, I wish he were here to laugh along.

Our first birthday's coming up. That'll taste of dark chocolate too.

LDR

2009-05-29T13:36:00.002+08:00

Long Distance Relationship

I knew it even before he actually told me, before we made it official, before we were holding hands, before we were counting months of happiness go by. I knew this would happen.

But somehow it still sucks. It still makes fat tears stream down my cheeks in public transport, in the shower, while charting, while walking...

We'll be turning one on June 15 and by that time he'll be in Saudi Arabia, I'll be in the US.

I need to be brave even if I'm such a sobber.

This is going to MAKE us. M-A-K-E us. Not the other way around.

Healing

2009-05-07T12:46:00.000+08:00

A big chunk of the frustration I’ve felt in this process is that there is no quick fix. This surprises one in a world of instant meals and pills that need just a few minutes to dull your migraine pain. The memories strike like a virus, one minute you’re fine the next you’re trembling and chilled.

So I’m slowly accepting it as a companion for the long haul. I suppose there is some comfort in the journey. There’s a chance to look back at the long road traveled. There’s reassurance that this episode like all the others will pass. More importantly there is proof in both Scripture and personal of God’s grace that is unearthed and compiled during the process. With every episode, I learn to trust in Him more and see Him more clearly.

The next time a steady weight settles on my chest again and I can’t breathe through the thick of memories and emotions, I will try to be still and know He is God.

10

2009-04-15T15:56:00.002+08:00

A couple of weeks ago, it was Carlo's Friday off and he picked me up at the office for a lunch date. We met Suzee, Chin and Monik (my officemates) on the way to the restaurant... "Carlo, this is Chin, Suzee and Monik. Girls, his is Carlo"

When I got back to the office, Suzee begins teasing me... "Uy Krissy, may napansin ako ha... May something ka sa lalaking kasama mo kanina... Ung mga kamay mo pa-ganun ganun pa, tas un mga mata mo ang alive alive! As in kakaibang Krissy un kanina ah... Nagtransform na Krissy! Crush mo un noh??? Crush mo un noh??? Uyyy, di maitago ang crush!"

Because I was laughing so hard, Chin answered for me... "Suzee, boyfriend niya na un ano!"

Suzee: "Ay!"

Happy 10th Monthsary butter ball! Love you!
Apparently, the sparks still fly. Hahaha...

Go for Gold

2009-03-31T20:51:00.002+08:00

Sabi ng isang officemate ko nun nalaman niyang magkakalayo kami saglit ni Carlo, "Naku, mag-aaway kayo ng todo habang nandun ka sa US. May maasar sa inyo kasi ung isa di nag-email." He spent most of our dinner breaktime describing the ~~horrors~~ hardships of long distance relationships.

I was laughing the entire time.

First off, I don't expect us not to fight. I do however expect us to get through the rough patches. It's not about whether you fight or not. It's how you fight daw.

Second, said officemate is now happily married to the woman he was having fights with during their times of separation.

You can't blame me for laughing.

New Guy In the Office

2009-03-18T13:40:00.002+08:00

Of course, with every new addition to forever dynamic market research firm comes two questions.

To Nube:
What made you ~~leap~~ think of getting into ~~the hell hole called MR~~ market research?

To yourself:
WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE???!!!

This is me feeling a tad more lost than usual. :(

Song of the Moment

2009-03-18T13:29:00.002+08:00

And a strong candidate for "First Dance" song.

You Make It Real
- James Morrison

There's so much craziness, surrounding me
There's so much going on, it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of, my priorities
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be
Like holy water, washing over me
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
You are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak
I'm full of arrogance, and uncertainty
But I can find the words, you teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who saved me
That's whyyy I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

Everybody's talking in words
I don't understand
You got to be the only one
Who knows just who I am
Your shining in the distance
I hope I can make it through
Cause the only place
That I want to be
Is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more
I have to learn
But if you're here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere,
Somewhere I can learn
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

You make it real for me

Strike fear

2009-03-17T15:27:00.002+08:00

It's a sight to see someone so gentle and loving be so strict and annoyed...

Last night, I think I got a glimpse of how God's character is. Holiness and love in one.

Not so date-less after all

2009-02-20T12:37:00.002+08:00

If you can't date the brother...

Date the sister! =P

Honey bunches, have fun in Cavite!

First Valentines

2009-02-17T13:06:00.004+08:00

No fireworks. No explosive moments.

Sad? No. I'm not a fan of anything pyrotechnic happening near me. But I like the quiet glow of candles. And that's what valentines day was for us.

Our first Valentines was spent at home in Pangasinan. Lots of delicious food (some of which we helped make), good conversations, rest and laughter. Can't think of a better way to pull the first off. :)

Fail!

2009-02-11T09:10:00.000+08:00

Me and Spiritual Discipline book by Valerie Hess.

Lectio Divina day: Read 1 Samuel . War scenes playing in my head... And I remember the part where Saul did the sacrifice. Just as he's done with it, here comes Samuel! Ahahaha... In my head, that was such a funny scene. Oops moment ni Saul... And then... I fell asleep.

Less is more day: Read Isaiah 40... Had images of mountains being leveled and valleys rising up and this road... and that's about all I remember. I read less and remembered less too. Oh wait, I remember the part about youths growing weary. Still. Arg.

Discipline so hard to learn. Walk, fall, get up. Repeat until have some semblance of clay in Potter's hands.

Blog worthy daw sabi ni friend

2009-01-23T11:39:00.000+08:00

Friend: "Damn you world! You have broken me. Are you happy??

Friend of friend: It doesn't have a happiness ceiling Pare. It may be happy today... But when you wake up tomorrow, it would have figured it can get happier.

Yesterday...

2009-01-12T06:48:00.001+08:00

Ate Maquette: Are you joining the rush to the altar?
Me: No Ate... We're waiting for the crowd to thin out

Congratulations to Kuya Ebet and Junette on their engagement!

TLW Talk Using Car Metaphor

2009-01-08T09:34:00.000+08:00

Housemates: Have you guys done the deed yet?
Me: Nope
Housemates: What?! Have you kissed yet?
Me: Nope
Housemates: Has he at least attempted anything?
Me: Nope
Housemates: Have you attempted anything?
Me: Nope
Housemates: That can't be right... Why would you buy a car without testing it? Who buys a car without test-driving it?!
Me: Someone who believes in the Manufacturer of the car.

Leave

2009-01-07T10:30:00.000+08:00

Midyear pa lang namin balak umalis. Ni wala pa kami tickets. Pero pinapafile na ako ng leave para dun sa pag-alis ko ng halos 2 months para sa US trip namin. kala ko April ko pa ifa-file.

Gets ko naman. Kailangan magplano.

Kaso di leave ang gusto ko i-file eh.

Gusto ko magfile ng resignation. I want to leave not take a leave.

Meet the Team

2009-01-06T11:15:00.000+08:00

... and guess who the leader of the pack is. Hahaha...

On postponing a "Big Event"

2008-12-12T05:02:00.000+08:00

"Why wait and burn in lust?"
--- Kuya Dave, December 10, 2008

Waste of Pink and Blue Paint

2008-12-09T05:50:00.000+08:00

That's the very least that it is. It's a waste of taxpayer money. It means having to climb up and down stairs to cross a street where there are already traffic lights, pedestrian lanes and people with the common sense to stop and wait until they can cross the street. It means yet another eyesore in the eyesore that is most of Metro Manila.

It is the footbridge MMDA is constructing at the junction of EDSA and Ortigas Avenue.

I don't see how it will solve the traffic because it's the traffic lights not the people that cause vehicles to stop. And it's not like they'll remove those traffic lights because that would mean disaster. The vehicles have to stop. Anyone can cross safely. I've been doing so for several months already! Why the footbridge??? Bayani can probably argue it's safer for pedestrians. Duh. No one is going to cross the road unless the vehicles are at full stop courtesy of the red light. It's EDSA people. I daresay we urban walkers are not that crazy yet.

Either they needed an excuse to grease their hands with some money or someone's campaigning for the elections. Argh.

9 days to my Christmas break

2008-12-08T09:53:00.000+08:00

Carlo and I went gift hunting in Tiendesitas last Saturday then we watched the DCBC Cantata yesterday. Mom's telling me to buy this and that for Christmas. I have to make a wishlist for the lunch party with Ilang roommates on Saturday and then figure out what to give close friends for lunch party on Sunday. I'm wondering if they decorated at home na. I'm praying our church in Pangsinan gets more volunteers for the choir. Last year, 3 people lang un kumakanta and it's kinda sad lang. I'll be home on the 23rd (woot for free ride home!).

Work is the last thing on my mind right now.

Let's all go to Mega people and drown our "wala pang 13th" sorrows there.

It's that time of the year

2008-11-17T11:24:00.000+08:00

...when Mondays are truly Moan-days, the holiday season is the client holler-day season and when you pencil in dates for parties not because you'll be going but so you can be reminded of the life you only dream of living.

...when the work-to-do list grows and grows and your Christmas shopping list is static

...when the "tampuhan" indicator threatens to turn red

...when the weighing scale needles ambles to the west and this not from celebration food but from comfort food

Cheers to Christmas season in MR agencies.

Red wine moment

2008-11-15T09:10:00.000+08:00

Last night, if I had me as a girlfriend, I would certainly be in a very dark mood.

They say marriage is an institution that informs you of your faults.

I say you don't have to wait for marriage.

Sino ang paborito ni Mom...?

2008-10-29T11:53:00.000+08:00

Ang Unica Hija o ang Future Unico Hijo-in-Law?

Exhibit A
Mom (23 Oct): "Gusto pala ni Carlo ng cassava cake. Kung malapit lang ang Manila gagawan ko siya ng cassava at bibingka."

Points: Unica Hija = 0, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 1

Exhibit B
Mom (23 Oct): "Iuwi mo siya sa Christmas. Ipasyal natin siya sa Baguio."

Points: Unica Hija = 0, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 1.5
(Kalahati lang, nakapasyal na ako ng Baguio eh)

Exhibit C
(25 Oct) NO TEXT from Mom to Unica Hija! In the afternoon, while Unica Hija contemplates out loud on reasons why Mom is not replying, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law says "May date daw siya this afternoon with a friend from Insular." Aba, nade-throne na ata si Unica Hija from her position as sole textmate ni Mom.

Points: Unica Hija = 0, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 3
(1.5 points ito dahil mataas na posisyon itong naabot ni FUHL)

Exhibit D
Mom (25 Oct) on me and my savings: "Tama yan anak, mas appreciate ka ni Carlo kung maingat ka sa gastos." Aba, naisip ang value ko kay Carlo?

Points: Unica Hija = 0, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 4

Exhibit E
Mom (26 Oct): "Gagawa ulit ako ng cassava cake. Malapit lang sana si Carlo at padalhan ko sana" Eh ako po, di po ninyo padadalhan Mom?

Points: Unica Hija = 0, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 5

Exhibit F
Mom (28 Oct): "Kumain ako ng cinnamon kanina. paboritong paborito mo un" Hay salamat, may naalalang favorite ko.

Points: Unica Hija = 1, Future Unico Hijo-in-Law = 5

I'll admit, I have been a little jealous these past days. But it's great Mom like him that much. I just wander what he put in her drink...

Precious Moments

2008-10-20T18:05:00.005+08:00

Me and carlo went home to Pangasinan this weekend. What a fun and filling experience it was! Wished we stayed longer!

Some of the highlights:

1. On the trip home. Carlo complained of a mouth sore and I teased him that they cook sinigang at home. I didn’t know what they’d be cooking for lunch but sure enough when we got home, pork sinigang was for lunch. But Carlo forgot all about his mouth sore and ate. And ate. And ate some more during the course of the weekend. I think he especially loved Mom’s cassava cake. If he had stayed any longer, I’m putting my money on it that he would have gained the six pounds back.

2. On the trip home. Chicken skin. Always the chicken skin on my arms. I can’t seem to get warm enough.

3. My nose about to bleed while Carlo and my mom discussed oil prices and stocks. And then my nose about to bleed when Carlo and Omar almost went into a similar same discussion.

4. Carlo discovered where I got my “I-can-do-this-myself” attitude when Mom puts away a heavy turbo broiler all by herself.

5. As my dad pulled up to the house, my mom jokingly told Carlo to go hide. Everyone had a laugh.

6. When Carlo made mano on Dad, Dad had to look twice because he thought it was Omar.

7. Over dinner. Dad slipped and asked if why we weren’t singing happy birthday to Carlo. Mom apparently forgot to coach him that they were supposed to act like they didn’t know it was his birthday. Carlo’s ears turned red. Hahaha...

8. Again over dinner. Family asked if we were born in the same year and they found out that I was a month older than Carlo. We were right about the shaving thing. Unshaven, Carlo looks more mature. Shaven he looks younger than his 24 years. Omar said “ Kaya pala mukhang mas bata kayo...” I’m assuming the unsaid words were “...kaysa kay Ate”

9. Carlo scraping the cassava cake crust off the aluminum foil. Told you he liked it.

10. After dinner. Carlo gets up to help me with the dishes and I surprise everyone including myself by saying “Upo!” in a stern voice. He promptly sits. While I was cleaning up the table, my brother tells him, “It’s not too late to back out, you know”

11. Waking up to my mom saying “Kristina gising na si Carlo” at 7AM. People. Sunday. 7AM. Carlo is such a morning person. That’s got to be the earliest I’ve been up on a Sunday in a long time. These morning people talaga o. But had some fun listening to him and mom tell stories while I sat next to Carlo at the kitchen table half asleep.

12. Slipping with calling Carlo “Hon” in front of my family. He had a couple slips too. Habits are hard to get rid of even in front of family.

13. On the way back to Manila. Family texts Carlo instead of me. It seems they have opted to communicate to the both of us through him when they know we’re together. Gee, did not expect that to happen this early.

14. On the way back to Manila. Carlo falling asleep mid-sentence. I couldn’t even understand what he was trying to say. Hahaha... But how I wish I could just freeze that moment with his cheek resting on my head and our hands clasped together.

15. On the way back to Manila. Someone cried. Good thing that was resolved quickly. Hehehe

We forgot to take pictures though. Boo.

The 15th again!

2008-10-15T11:17:00.005+08:00

Official number of months together = 4

Unofficial number of months together = 5.5

Odds and Ends

Number of sundaes = approximately 20 (Hon, look it's not that bad!)

Number of new food places tried out = 6 (TOSH, Buddy's, Pizza Hut Bistro. Davao Tuna Grill, Sisig Hooray, Mrs Field's, World Chicken)
Number of pounds lost (him) = 6
Number of pounds gained (me) = UNDISCLOSED ahahaha
Number of pictures together = under 15 (must improve this number drastically!)
Number of plier incidents = Will update you on this after parents have met C this weekend. Hahaha
Favorite place to hang out: Ortigas Park
Our "couple" foods: sundae from McDo and Paella from Pizza Hut Bistro
Malls we've been haunting long enough to walk around blindfolded: Megamall and Galleria
Bookstores we use as hang-outs: Powerbooks Mega and Bestseller Galle

Number of times someone's feet have been stepped on...

Let's not go there. Hahaha...

Happy monthsary C!
Love you...
Meow!

Joining the Bandwagon

2008-10-13T09:33:00.000+08:00

There seems to be a "Pastor's Wife" thing going on care of Ate Shii and Ate Happy... I'm joining the bandwagon.

But in a different sense.

I don't want to be one nor have I been entrusted to be one. I hope I never will.

I absolutely admire those women who go into it with their entire selves, those who dream and pray for such gift, those who flourish in that place. They are wonderful souls and their hearts are truly a blessing to everyone. Being a pastor's wife is a rare gift and high calling. It looks demanding but perhaps for those called to it, they find that the joy outweighs struggles. God will give His all sufficient grace where He leads us.

But I am one of those women "who evade that path" (Pastor XY's description in Ate Shii's post). I have never seriously pictured myself on that path. I want something else (want it sooo bad!) and think that my dream is a noble goal din naman (can anyone say housewife?)

But that doesn't mean God won't put me on PW path ever. But if that time does come, I'll be dragged onto it kicking and screaming.

Kicking and screaming.

Moves

2008-10-06T20:51:00.002+08:00

A good friend it was a grab and go thing. Grab it, run like crazy with it and never look back.Seems like good advice.

It is afterall, a crazy oppurtunity. The type a lot of people would give their lives for. A near cousin to the desperate wish for some long-lost relative who suddenly dies and leaves you a fortune. I should grab it I know.

Grab it and run like crazy indeed. But I cannot discount what this race may cost. And I find no motivation to run it. I’m still trying to figure out if what I feel is a shadow of the immense fear that haunts me. I have never liked change. So many of my meticulous plans have been woven to try minimize the unpleasantness of change. And here I am faced with another "upheaval".

I believe God is above all things. The Sovereign Lord. I believe He has a perfect will. I might not always walk in that perfect path but somehow even my strays are incorporated to that perfect path. I believe that while it’s unlikely I’ll wake up to writing on my wall or bump into a bonfire of holiness along ADB Avenue*, He will direct my paths. Now to sit still. And wait in prayer.

Not something I do well. Appreciate your prayers on the decision making process. Thanks folks.

* I’m not saying this is impossible. God can choose to speak to me or any of us in supernatural ways.

Heel no!

2008-09-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

Stalker that I am of Go Fug Yourself, I saw Victoria Beckham wearing the oddest shoes...

Before I rant on, disclaimier moment. Listen, I'm a huge HUGE fan of shoes. God knows how crazy I am about shoes and hence He has given me a good job but not too good a job that I go and buy everything I love at Aldo, CMG or VNC.

I'm all for stilettos. Painful but gorgeous things. There are few things that make me feel as glamorous I do when I'm wearing them. Add those thing on your stems and it's instant weight loss people. Instant! And oh-so-tall-tall me can pull off skirts and dresses that would look drab without heels.

But this...

It looks like one would be literally walking on tiptoe ALL THE TIME. Unless you're a ballet student, and even if you are, I doubt any woman would want to tolerate that much pain. And it's weird noh? I've noticed heels get thinner and thinner but I never thought I'd see a day when suddenly POOF! They're gone!

You won't see me running to the stores to find something like this.

Besides I got pointe shoes. Hahaha...

Take that Victoria.

Yabang ko.

Watch the mouth

2008-09-25T19:37:00.003+08:00

Gave it this some thought last night after C said that I absolutely cannot use those words in front of the kids if ever... See, I can still sort of live with slipping every now and then with C. He's got the cleanest mouth ever but tolerates me and is mature enough to know not to imitate me. But kids? Scary accountability right there.

I learned to swear long before I became a Christian. Back then, it was somewhat cool. Now, it's simply appalling. I try naman. But when I suddenly find out that somthing happened with a project that I totally prepared for in order to avoid, first thought is "Oh S***!". When I come home late at night and the bathroom floor is flooded by roommates who don't seem to understand the concept of a shower curtain, I fire away another "Oh S**!". When I'm really , really annoyed at someone... Okay, I'll spare you that.

When you really think about it, it should be practically impossible to be unable to find a better word to describe the emotion you're trying to express. Why use a "S***!" rather than "Dude, this is the most frustrating thing ever today!". Okay, sometimes I disguise this with "Crap" which maybe sounds a little less jarring but still not kid-friendly. Maybe better to "put it nicely" as that pic says than shout bad words to a person's back (I'm not too good with confrontations).

Is it a lack of eloquence or habit?

I say habit. And perhaps that's why it's hard to watch the mouth. Habits are hard to kick. In this case, swallow. Hopefully, it gets easier in time.

For 09242008

2008-09-23T18:27:00.002+08:00

Lessons don't come any easier

Wounds don't heal any faster
People still flow in and out of my life

But hope grows stronger
Faith a little more grounded
Joy a little less fleeting

His love never changes
His mercies is still new every day
His grace has and will be sufficient

24
Still His
Always His

Word for the month: Calvinism

2008-09-22T18:58:00.003+08:00

Joy: uh-huh. calvinism + the art of losing = heaven
Joy: LOL
Krissy: righteousness LOL
Joy: sometimes hope is exhausting. looking out at the horizon sometimes stings the eyes. it's better to sit and acknowledge the storm or the stillness or whatever and be like, yeah I'm at this place. don't know what to do. oh well.
Krissy: LOL. uhm, i liked everything except the last bit
Krissy: "oh well"
Joy: pwede ring oh sh*t or d*mn it!
Joy: sabay untog the head
Joy: o di ba so much better than being sparkly eyed
Krissy: yes. damdamin mo ang darkness. tas biglang gulangtang kapag may light
Krissy: o di mas masaya un
Joy: yeah put on some shades while you're at it
Joy: for magnifying darkness perception
Krissy: kaysa sa "what took you so damn long light!"
Krissy: nagiging "LIGHT! YEY! what do you know, LIGHT!"
Joy: true! parang "what is this white stuff??"
Krissy: o di ba
Joy: why is it all around me???
Krissy: lovely
Joy: I know! so much better
Joy: so I think I should boost my darkness endurance
Krissy: i think this is all very daniel
Krissy: daniel and three friends
Krissy: you know... whether we live or we die
Krissy: not betting on light
Joy: uh-huh. so true
Krissy: there's possibility of light but not betting on it?
Krissy: ohhh
Krissy: this sounds oh so very dark
Krissy: LOL
Joy: LOL
Joy: but comforting at the same time
Joy: it's like saying, God, the show is yours. Take it away, brother! I'll just know, hang on and stuff and hitch a ride
Joy: and if I'm stuck in the trunk, at least you know I'm there?
Joy: LOL
Krissy: LOL
Krissy: i like it
Krissy: can i blog this?
Krissy: permission to blog
Joy: SURE

Kikay Alert!

2008-09-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

Krissy is wannabe make-up artist and imagine her squeals when she saw this (click to follow link)...

Project Beauty: A Makeup Workshop

Krissy wants! Krissy also wonders where to get 2T without slashing out of rent and savings...

Hirap lumigaya.

sulat

2008-09-17T16:31:00.001+08:00

ang dami kong "must blog this!" moments. pramis.

pero tignan niyo nga naman wala akong naisususlat dito na matino... ang huling post ko ay munting link love (aka parinig) lang.

ang dami kong natututunan at nararanasan ngayon. naisip ko nga minsan, kaya hindi ako nakakasulat tungkol sa mga ito ay dahil sobra sobra na ang backlog ko. ayaw ko naman isulat un nangyari nun sunday kung di ko naisulat ung nangyari nun last last sunday. at di ko maisulat un dahil... you get the point.

bakit ganun? di na lang kaya ako mag start fresh ano? mahirap ba yun?

kaso mukhang caught in the past talaga ako na bata. at di lang sa simpleng bagay katulad ng blog. nakakainis minsan kung bakit ang bagal ng proseso ng pagdeal ko sa past.

but at least i know it's possible to close the door on those demons. a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Semblance of Control

2008-09-17T07:45:00.001+08:00

You know that thing where people become obsessed with something like counting the number of hairs on their head or counting Excel cells on an empty worksheet when chaos hits them? Things that give them some sense that they are still in control and the world is not collapsing around them?

Yeah. I'm there. I want to organize my already organized project files... I want to put them in these:

Available from Filed, they are nifty and cute (PINK!!!) folders that I envision myself walking into the my client's boardroom (AKA The Lion's Den) with. They will be my shield and sword for the fight, este, presentation.

Oh wait.

I think I'm confusing God with folders.

Breathe

2008-09-08T11:05:00.001+08:00

Sometimes that's all I can do. And sometimes that's all He asks of me. Breathe and trust him for things I that are out of my hands anyway.

I feel broken again. I feel vulnerable again. All the things I don't want to be or feel, I am.

Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

I am held.

Stalker Alert!

2008-09-05T11:18:00.004+08:00

I will put up a counter soon! And it will register only you! Hah! You know why? Because I've been cross-posting from my Multiply account so most friends read my Multiply blog not this one... Aha! I will find out how many times you open this site! *wags finger in air*

Speaking of cross-posting, it is a little irritating to see everything is screwed up here (the picture and text are a mess) when it's all fine on my Multiply blog... I guess I have to tweak the HTML on this thing again... I dread the day I get OC enough to do that. The last time I decided to fix the porch, it took me three days. Yes, yes, I am slow with the HTML.

Tonight is the start of Octoberfest, a 120 day beer fest sponsored by the San Miguel Corporation. They shut down sections of two main roads of the Ortigas CBD so traffic has been heavy and foot traffic even heavier. Tonight, I bet it will be crazy what with Third Eye Blind playing on this stage on San Mig Ave corner Vargas. *Due to legal concerns, further comments have been removed for the protection of the author*

Tonight is also when I get my FSH and LH results back. They're testing my E1, E2, E3 (whoa, I didn't know there were 30+ kinds of estrogen---girls are really just more complex!) and testosterone. And my thyroid secretion too. But I am focused on the FSH and LH for the simple fact that they're familiar to me. FYI, FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (luteinizing hormone) tests are done to help investigations into menstrual irregularity and fertility issues. I've heard them before on Gray's Anatomy and Private Practice, often used by fertility specialists on the shows. Hopefully, results will say that with a little hormone treatment, I will be able to have lil Krissys and lil ehem when it's time.

I'm in His hands.

The Registry

2008-09-04T12:44:00.000+08:00

I decided to do something a little different this year. No books allowed.

Comforter. This makes me feel like a little girl again and I am kinda freezing every night because my bed is right smack in front of the AC.

A massage... Ahhh... Add foot spa and pedi... Heaven.

Avatar DVDS. Blame this item's appearance here on Kuya Butch, Junette, Carlo and that night with the cabbage salad...

Milan bag from Baby Couture. Who said these bags are for moms only?

Silver necklace with moon pendant... Because I am losing the fight to remain a night owl and am slowly morphing into a morning person... Much to someone's delight...

A chance to cook tomato-basil chicken or garlic shrimp pasta and eat it with friends while watching Avatar.

I heart L'Oreal True Match Minerals

2008-09-02T12:56:00.000+08:00

This is not a paid advertisement.

And how I wish it was as the stuff cost me nearly my entire grocery allowance. But it is worth it.

Before I bought the stuff, I asked the attendant to swipe some on my entire face. I figure that if my skin didn't react to powder PLUS BACTERIA then that's a good sign. Observations during my two hour trial period:

1. It did not itch! My skin is pretty sensitive but it didn't itch or go red with the powder.
2. It provides good coverage. I have acne scars and I didn't expect heavy coverage. But the mineral powder did even out my skin tone.
3. It feels light, looks light. It was hard to tell that I had make-up on but at the same time you could see my skin looked fresher and I had a glow. The shade the attendant picked was a perfect match too. When your foundation mimics your skin, that's a good thing.

I was completely sold out after the two hour trial period that I bought myself the Golden Sand shade.

And I've been hearing nothing but very positive feedback since I started using it. There's something different about you... You're glowing... It's like you're wearing make-up but you're not right?

Angela's comment: "That's the s***" Apologies for profanity but when Angela says that, something must be really good!

Thank you to Sarah for braving the mineral powder world to show me it's miracles! Sarah, this stuff rocks!

In much fear and trembling

2008-08-19T09:40:00.000+08:00

So I’ve been asked to talk at a fellowship. About sin. I spent a good part of the weekend just drowning in all of these verses in the Bible that talk about sin until thankfully Tatay Butch lent me his NBD and I had some direction. I spent the good part of yesterday’s holiday in doing first my own personal study on sin and I covered little over four pages of my bond paper sized notebook with notes.

It was a tremendous experience for me, something like finding the exact word to describe a crazy emotion or experience. The Bible being the story of redemption that it is, deals extensively with sin. I even learned there’s an entire “branch” of theology dealing with sin, Hamartiology. It is a very sobering, very heavy topic to grapple with. But God helped me a lot. I don't think you can go through a study like this and not look at yourself and how broken and unable I am to do anything good in God's eyes or how I am unworthy His love. I was sitting there in the Coffee Bean in Ortigas park. I watched the sky go from blue to rose tints to black after my study. And I began singing Amazing Grace. For it is amazing how God has chosen to rescue us out of our darkness; how Christ chose to step into the dark and hideous alley that is our world only to die to fulfill the demand of a holy God that we could never meet.

I have a bulky outline for tomorrow’s fellowship. I also know that public speaking is not a strength of mine. But I have prayed hard, studied hard and I will be myself tomorrow. That and a lot of Um's and Uh's. Bahala na si God. He seems fully capable of taken the bad stuff and turning it into something good.

Let the Dark Knight Swallow the Titanic

2008-07-29T09:56:00.000+08:00

Okay, corny.

Anyway, I read that Dark Knight revenue has earned more than $300M to date. That's still half of the Titanic record of just over $600M but I am holding out hope that DK will shatter that record. DiCaprio or Bale? Iceberg or Joker? It's not that hard to pick the better one. And while Titanic was a repeat movie for shrieking females, DK is repeat audience is covering larger, more diverse ground from high school kids to kids at heart who pay taxes. I just hope kiddie kids stay away from this movie.

I need to watch that movie again. Joker is simply the most entertaining evil to watch. If you haven't watched it yet (I only watched it last weekend), make time to do so. As Kuya Butch said, it is worth every penny.

Or someone else's pennies if you find someone who's willing to pay for you. =P

Naisip ko lang kahapon...

2008-07-22T14:26:00.002+08:00

Malayo ang weekend. Monday is the pits. The weekend you just got off of seems like a distant memory. The coming weekend is too abstract an idea to grasp at this point.

Malayo ang sweldo. Oh my goodness, is it only the 21st?! The 21st?! Creh-zenez!

Malayo ang pamilya. Pangasinan. Enough said.

Malayo si C. Thank You God for unlimited text option from Globe.

Mahal pa man din ang ang transpo these days.

Wanted: Picornavirus or Coronavirus

2008-07-10T09:46:00.000+08:00

So I can make use of my sick leaves. AND maybe my upcoming NEW, UPGRADED Maxicare card. HR informed me that my health card will be upgraded because of my promotion. Just a thought. A wistful wish for a guiltless day away from work.

We've restructured the team so work we're in the transition stage. I had the pleasure of informing one client that I was no longer in charge of one of the projects. And now, I have time to do some chatting and blogging on the side. LOL.

Guys, would appreciate your prayers for Project Counselor. If you know, you know... With knowledge comes great privilege. Wink.

Warmed

2008-06-30T13:03:00.002+08:00

Before anything else, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OMAR! Wish you plenty of bungisngis smiles, impulsive calls to yours truly and everyone in the family, and teary eyed nights from getting love letters from across the Pacific. And congratulations on graduating next year! I believe you will.

###

Yey, I’m back in what I can only call my “resurrected self”. That’s what 14 hours in bed on a Saturday can do for me. I finally feel rested, a state that’s been eluding me for the past 3 weeks. Who can ever feel rested when your dreams are of the bottles of the client’s products screaming at you? Anyway, okay Week, BRING IT ON.

One of my closest friends is resigning. Sniff. I’m still in semi-denial. Whatever that is. I wish you didn’t have to go but you do. So I wish you happiness.

#####

Just to cover all the bases… We’re an “us”. I do believe 15 days have passed since that night. And I only realized that because someone asked us last night. Hahaha… I am apparently a “guy” when it comes to remembering dates. Anyway, it has felt like it’s been on for quite some time so I’m not too conscientious about keeping track of that particular date. But I will be mushy on this thing: that I now have hands to warm my chilled ones.

####

It’s a terribly comforting and extremely loving gesture to me.

To the very bones

2008-06-27T13:53:00.002+08:00

It seems like I just go home just to take a bath and sleep. Somewhere in between there, I feel an incredible sadness. There was even a night where I didn't even have the energy to open a water bottle.

What is burn-out?

Not So Bad Monday, Give me Five!

2008-06-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

Usually, I wake up on Mondays and can't help groaning and trying to grab some more (read: 10 seconds more) sleep. But to day I woke up and my tummy graoned instead... Uh-oh! At sinulat talaga...

Work load wasn't so bad either. Anyone new at MR, pray and pray hard for a difficult and complicated project to be your first project. Own it, cry over it, lose sleep and maybe friends (although I hope not) over it. Work really hard at it and embrace the experience. After walking through that kind of hell, the rest of your days in MR are in the RIGHT perspective. You NEED that perspective. Trust me on this.

My sleep cycle is discombobulated and I have GOT to fix it. Trying to stay awake at 3PM is... Terrible.

I watched SATC last Saturday. Warning #1: Watching the movie will make you want to buy shoes. Warning #2: Watching the movie will make all the shoes in the mall look like UGLY, DREADFUL CREATIONS. Blue Manolo Blahniks in the closet Carrie never got to use, be mine!

Had some good shrimp last night. Totally worth the P49.50 Claritin I had to take to stop looking like a total freak. Thanks C.

Wow, this is some random post. Hahaha...

Two Steps Up the Ladder

2008-06-02T12:36:00.002+08:00

"We're promoting you to..."

Got accelerated so I skipped a year of work as a Research Executive 1. Effective July 1, I am a Research Executive 2 and promotable to Senior Research Executive next year.

I can tell you that walking out of the conference room after getting the news without doing a petite allegro combination (pas de chat to pas be bourree, sissones in arabesque...) was a real challenge.

Thank You, thank You God!!!

Dear all at home in Pangasinan, you gotta let me take you guys out to dinner now!

I am excited. I am grateful. I am utterly terrified! But as I'm learning ever so slowly, Fear doesn't have to be my enemy.

Bursting at the seams

2008-05-28T12:56:00.002+08:00

Lots of blessings in my life and the life of those I love lately:

Family is safe and healthy and our home is intact after a terrible storm ripped through my home province. Still there is no electricity and water in some areas and a lot of other people have yet to recover their losses so do pray for them. Mom, really, you gotta stop worrying about the prime beef. I really just want to see you and don't care if I don't get another beef and broccoli dish there.
Cousin Stein will be done with his PhD soon! And wedding bells may toll soon for him and Melissa... AWESOME!
The amazing career oppurtunities I've had lately that have given me a renewed interest and passion for the industry I work in. I'm not in the dead end I thought I was in. God's reassurance for this doubter that He knows where He's leading me. The tricky part is whether I follow or not. =P
Evaluation today. A step up the ladder. The bottom of the bottom of the food chain I am not. Bottom of the food chain na lang. I've paid my dues. Now there's someone else I can ask to proofread and translate. Oh, oh, oh! CODE PLANS be gone!
Starting to gel with roommates! Never thought that was possible but God has a way of turning things around. Duh.
Yams-skies is IN! I know that the journey has been hard for you dear but I know you're looking back now and thinking of how fruitful it has been. Aja!
C is... He just is. Hahaha.

Thank You Father.

Forget Post-it (TM)

2008-05-20T13:11:00.000+08:00

Things I absolutely adore and need for my office space and my living space (wherever that may be in the next two months) but will most probably only look at every now and then to remind myself that I am not rich and earning dollars. :(

The life organizer. Sometimes bad things happen to organized people. Be prepared for disasters, both major and minor, with the Life.doc Organizing Binder from Buttoned Up. The Life.doc Binder has eight sections including: Family Basics, Insurance, Legal, Caregiver Information (won't be needing this for a while though), In Sickness & Health (oh, this I do need!), Dollars & Sense (probably what I need most), Emergency Plan and Home Sweet Home

These? Because maybe it will make me feel better about all the files on projects I have...

And this kind of office space except in blue and purple. But since when did corporate slaves have spaces like this? :(

misty eyed

2008-05-19T12:35:00.000+08:00

I don't think I'll forget the image of our dear Pastor Bel Magalit raise his hands to heaven, look up with tears in his eyes and saying in a broken voice "I cannot understand how a loving God can allow this to happen"

And then lower his hand and bow his head and say "But I know that He is just"

And so much more...

Amen.

Christ have mercy

2008-05-15T12:51:00.000+08:00

The bombings in India...

The typhoon in Burma...

The earthquake in China...

Thousands dead, thousands more missing.

30 things guys should know about girls

2008-05-08T06:55:00.003+08:00

Stolen from Angela who stole it from… who cares? The GUY (emphasis intentional) who wrote says he has a lot of experience… again who cares? But I read through it and most of it is GOOD stuff! Fave’s are in blue, comments in violet

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud. [And do not deny when you are confronted. Coming out or confessing is the better option here]

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat. [hahaha...]

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy…

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship. [doesn’t have to be a sweatshirt and doesn't have to be a ring]

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely. [to be honest, I didn’t know I wanted (neigh, utterly adored) this until someone actually did this for me]

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him [even if we believe in nonviolence, we would love to watch]

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms… That's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like CRAP, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They REALLY only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond

Keeel me now

2008-05-06T06:57:00.000+08:00

So Joy showed me her awesome (read Fi-erce!) pictures taken when their church went to the 100 Islands...

And I found myself utterly jealous and miserable. Dude, that amazing place is in MY province! And I've been there twice but never really taken pictures like that and never had THAT MUCH fun.

Why why why? *Bawls*

Hopscotch

2008-04-28T07:52:00.001+08:00

Back and forth we go

Trying to stay at square one

With our pennies already on the other side

Hop hop

We laugh

Then another hop back

As I hide my sad smile

Forbidden Expectations

2008-04-21T13:00:00.000+08:00

For a movie with Jet Li and Jackie chan, Forbidden Kingdom's plot runs too shallow. Don't expect the storyline, cinematography and music of Hero. The fight scenes are good but at after some times, they begin to wear thin on you. I liked one scene though.

Chan pours and keeps pouring tea into the main character's cup (yeah, can you believe that Chan and Li have only supporting roles int his movie?!) until it overflows. Chan asks lead character Jason (who's so full of himself), "How can you fill your cup when it is already full?" Unfortunately, the meaning was lost on Jason who proceeds to throw his tea. Hahaha...

It's a recurring lesson in my life: You can hold onto your full cup or you can trust and allow it to empty in order to see God do "immeasureably more than you can ever ask or imagine"

Project LIFE Timelines

2008-04-17T12:33:00.000+08:00

13 days - until Payday *drools*

5 days - until you know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl resumes *screams*

2 days - until I move into a new home *frowns*

5.5 hours - until the water supply to our village is cut off for some pipe construction along Shaw *bawls*

2.5 hours - until we meet *smiles*

1 hour - until I'm out of here (office) *woot!*

**Timelines assume that the world is not messing with me.

Surround Me

2008-04-14T13:43:00.000+08:00

The people who work at Penshoppe Megamall must think I'm crazy. I love hanging out there. I just stand there in the middle of there store, soaking in One Republic's "Too Late to Apologize" picking out the violins, the piano, and what sounds like a drum but in the music video the guy is beating the top of an electric piano. Speaking of music video, I am hypnotized by the rotating table...

Give me my numbers!

2008-04-10T16:28:00.000+08:00

Must say lunch is always something to look forward to. A toast to us ladies for creating sacred lunch hour.

Anyway, today was interesting. Spent a good part of my afternoon and evening figuring out formulas on this template of ours (among other things)... I tell you now folks, I am no math whiz, but I rather miss the days of college when figures swarmed in your head like busy bees. At least I knew brain cells were still alive and kicking. Most days now, I feel like they have gone into hibernation. Today, after initial panic, I embraced the stress if only to know brain was alive.

Last night was even better. *Wink* Tip: At 7Pm on weekdays, head for McDonalds El Pueblo if you're in the Ortigas CBD. All Starbucks outlets are insanely crowded and if you need to have some quality time with someone, McDonalds El Pueblo with their amazing music mix is the place.

Ich liebe dich

2008-04-08T11:02:00.000+08:00

Mcdonalds Pearl Drive, when will you open your doors and let us have some of your wonderful fries and fantastic sundaes?

Work news: The boat is sinking BUT I can't jump off it until I get the whole 12 months and a bonus. Panic level at an all-time high but I can't let it get the better of me. Not now when I'm on my 12th month.

Home news: DUDE! It is incredibly difficult to find decent (read as affordable, near my office and ACed) housing. Just the thought of walking the entire San Miguel Ave, not to mention jepp and tricycle ride before walk... Argh! Brain is soup. So if anyone is looking for a place to live in Ortigas or is looking for a housemate (I can clean!!! I'm neat!!!), give me a buzz.

LL news: Uhhh... I realized I need some Expectations Management. Did some work in that area. So last Sunday was good. Had it's share of weird moments (Samahan kita tumingin ng swimsuit) but overall it was some good hanging out.

I feel...

2008-03-31T09:38:00.000+08:00

...like I was run over by a garbage truck

...angry, disappointed, frustrated. Talo ko pa ang isang Psych graduate sa galing ko sa pagprobe kahapon na ala In Depth Interview pero wala akong napala. He was the perfect example of the worst kind of respondent to have in a research study.

...sad. Sad for me. Sad for him. Sad for my parents. Sad for my mentors. Sad for my friends. I don't even know how to answer my parents.

...angry at myself because here I am YET AGAIN giving more than I am given, willing to risk my neck while the other person pulls the cord that operates the guillotine, still trying my very best to be a good person and a good friend even if I want to hit him, feeling bad that he's probably feeling bad right now, ang knowing that I may not have the willpower to walk away if he took but one little step towards me.

...grateful for all those who have tried to keep me sane, who've poured out wisdom, who've prayed are are still praying, who have hurt for me, who have gently rebuked me, who basically stick by me and give me hugs and boinkies

...that God will teach me a lot through this but right now, He knows I need to grieve

Circus Freak

2008-03-27T11:51:00.000+08:00

"So... Yeah, I thought it would be cool to grow a beard. A girl with a beard! Now that's different! But I won't just stop there. I thought, a beard of scars trumps a beard of hair. So here it is folks!"

Sigh. Third month of acne therapy is the dumps. Absolute dumps.

Sweet!

2008-03-26T09:15:00.000+08:00

I'm incredibly happy... and excited.

And terrified. Hahaha...

Didn't think you'd hear that from me eh? But new things are always scary things I am told so I take comfort in the reassurance I'm normal. What I love most about this is how awesome (and painfully humbling) it is to get hit over the head by the "far more abundantly than all we can ever ask or think" line. God is chuckling at this all. And He's not the only one having fun.

And so it begins...

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the DANGERS and PERTURBATIONS of love is Hell." -- CS Lewis; The Four Loves

Hurrah!

2008-03-15T07:57:00.000+08:00

I bought a pair of jeans yesterday, enough reason for my close friends to celebrate. They're been gently telling me my jeans no longer fit properly. I gave away all my "thin clothes" in a fit of depression over my battle with my weight long ago. So now I've tasted some victory, I have to buy new thin clothes.

But what a victory! I walked into the shop, spotted a good style of jeans and grabbed the medium to try on. I actually laughed in the dressing room! The medium didn't fit well! I asked for the small and that fit just right... WOW! It's been what?! 8 years!!! EIGHT years since I wore a small size!!!

Freak out! Hahaha... Thank You God, clients, vegetables, fruits, and the weighing scale! Now to celebrate with some Kit Kat Cafe Latte! Hahaha...

PS Don't worry, I'm not after skinny. I'm after healthy. Hehehe...

New Book!

2008-02-15T11:18:00.000+08:00

I spent a whee portion of my Valentines gift (or so I've come to call my latest salary) on this book. It cam highly recommended and I finally own my own copy to read, highlight and reread like crazy.

Lovely cover eh? LOVELIER CONTENT! Sample:

"It was a rimy morning and very damp. I had seen the damp lying outside my little window, as if some goblin had been crying there all night, and using the window as a pocket handkerchief."

See? What an image! I am quite aware this screams LIT GEEK all the way but I don't care --- I AM UNASHAMED!

A joint review by me and joy is in the works.

On Money, More Chocolates and Michelle Obama

2008-02-14T06:14:00.000+08:00

Okay, I threw in Michelle Obama just for fun. Hahaha... But I have to say I feel that she's more "authentic" than Hilary Clinton.

I told God and a couple other people that all I wanted today was for my paycheck to come through. And it did, so I'm happy and it's St Valentines Day, so I guess it's a happy Valentines Day for me.

The M&Ms Dark Chocolate is dogging me every night. It's comfort food already. But I'm trying to steer away from that and steer towards a better source. It's been an uphill climb but the weighing scale needle is staying steady so HURRAH for that.

"Broke up" with someone yesterday. Always sad stuff but in this case it's balanced by this odd feeling that some things really have to break in order for other things to heal. I can't find a sliver of guilt in me which is scary to not find. Screams PRIDE all the way. So hopefully, I can get around to repenting for that. But I can find a strong feeling of knowing that I've given it all I had and that I can't take a step anymore and that even if I did, that faltering step would be meaningless.

I'm no poster child for Christianity. But I realized yesterday that you can take a lot of stuff/people from me... and I believe I will be okay/happy/joyful somehow and somewhere later down the road. As long as you don't take Jesus from me. So good thing that nothing can separate me from His love. These are things that are easy to say when life is good. But I've been through bad patches and I'm still here because of Jesus. And that gives me hope for any bad patches I'll run into.

Pyrolympics 2008

2008-02-12T09:29:00.000+08:00

World Pyro Olympics 2008 Schedule

Start: Feb 16, 2008 6:00pm
End: Mar 15, 2008
Location: Bay Area of Mall of Asia,
Pasay City

The skies of Manila will once again
glitter as the La Mancha Group of
Companies bring you the 3rd World Pyro
Olympics 2008. This year’s edition of
the fireworks competition in Manila will
showcase what is considered to be the
world’s best when it comes to Fireworks
craftsmanship and artistry.

The 2008 World Pyro Olympics Fireworks
Competition will be held at the Bay Area
of Mall of Asia, Pasay City, Philippines.

February 16 - China (CN) vs Germany (DE)
February 23 - Japan (JP) vs Australia (AU)
March 1 - Korea (KO) vs Dubai (AE)
March 8 - Italy (IT) vs Venezuela (VE)
March 15 - France (FR) vs Philippines (PH)

Meet Wuji

2008-02-05T12:03:00.000+08:00

This pic made my day. It reminds me of someone special. HAHAHA... Insider's you know what I'm talking about it... Notice the "hair"

Hand me that Skin

2008-02-04T06:32:00.000+08:00

Like I told a friend, it's not that I want to but that most days, I feel controlled to do so. To try to walk around in your skin, to somehow understand, to somehow let myself be open to the hurt, to somehow strain to be patient and to nurture in any way I can.

And trust that He will keep me and you.

Shattered

2008-02-01T11:11:00.000+08:00

There are whispers that still turn me cold

Remembered touches that break me

Scarred and shattered

Will I never be whole? Where is Your healing?

Will the memories stay forever?

Lord have mercy, have mercy

Don’t let this pain destroy me

Don’t let it mar every scene

Help me breathe

Help me cling

Lord have mercy, have mercy

Magandang Balita

2008-01-31T09:12:00.000+08:00

This morning on my way to the office...

Guard at the Gatehouse: "Good morning Ma'am! Ang ganda po talaga ng ngiti ninyo this week. I-share naman po ninyo ang magandang balita."

I'm evil I know... But I can't help it. I've tried but apparently, there's no covering this up.

Cue "Feelings Show" by Colbie Caillat. Play.

Comforting those who mourn

2008-01-29T12:55:00.000+08:00

Death. No one is comfortable about it, no one is practiced in handling it. But is a certainty of life.

I flew to Capiz last Friday for the funeral of Carlo's mom. For a week before that, I struggled with words as I kept in touch with the Kit and Carlo. There's simply nothing to say. As I stayed up late at night reading text messages from them the first few nights after their mother passed away, I took almost an hour to reply.

Sunday afternoon, people told me I should go. I dreaded the idea of being there but being silent. What use would I be to the bereaved in that way? I would only be a burden to them as I stayed with them. But God cleared the path for me, I obeyed and flew there.

I spent my entire afternoon there tongue-tied. And we wouldn't talk. But by evening, I realized that my words weren't going to help anyway. So I listened. I sat there silent. And to my surprise, only then did the stories came forth... So did the grief... We just sat there most of the time after that in silence and somehow that was all that was needed.

There was much temptation to fill the silence, to tell them to let it out, to tell them this and that. But I knew words would fall flat. It was a time to stand by them, share their loss, be still and know God there.

Agape

2008-01-28T12:16:00.000+08:00

"...is a love that is there for the other.

It seeks to give. It wants to serve. It endeavors to protect. It strains to nurture.

Loves sees what others often cannot see. It looks simply at the outer person, with its beauty or lack thereof. It looks at the inner person and sees its potentiality, and its woundedness.

And in seeing does not flee or attempt to remake the other. But it stays long enough to be close, to care and to empower."

-- Whispers from the Edge of Eternity

Held

2008-01-22T11:40:00.000+08:00

There are no words I can say to comfort you as you lie in bed waiting for sleep and hoping to dream of her...

I trust that God will keep you, all of you.

He was after all, a man of many sorrows… And well acquainted with grief…

Eccaia Ana

2008-01-16T09:43:00.000+08:00

Me and Nellie have decided to sell some pretty necklaces and a bag from Cebu. Please check out our first batch of accessories, by clicking on the link below:

Eccaia Ana

Eccaia ana is Quenyan for ocean gift and you'll find out why we chose this name if you click on that link! Don't worry, nothing's going to bore a hole in your wallet. Everything is affordable (think Divi or St Francis!) and really cute. If I hadn't bought contacts, I would have bought most of our stock...

So check it out and just give us a buzz if you're interested in anything.

Post It Needed

2008-01-15T04:21:00.000+08:00

Erg! I forgot to bring my camera again. I've been planning to post family pictures taken during the holidays.

It's the little things you forget... And how they all pile up!

Denial

2008-01-14T05:38:00.000+08:00

Some things are probably best seen then left alone. No dreams, no hopes, no urgent pleas in the dark for definition and clarity.

I thought I was ready. I still think I am. I've been told things like these never work out the way you think it will, even if you have considered hundred of scenarios. Something always happens and it changes things. I never thought I would be scared. But I am.

Answers came so easy before. Now they don't. I think I more or less played by the rules. But did that help?

Now I'm dodging the questions. Because now this is serious. It's not a scenario. It's a scene. And it could change the rest of our lives.

God...

2008-01-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

...what do you say to a friend who watches his mother die a little more everyday?

Mind over Matter

2008-01-02T10:15:00.000+08:00

Forget that:

I'm back in the office, making my slow progress with my inbox and all the other things on my mental to do list...
(because) I just came from Pangasinan and am operating on less than two hours of sleep
I don't have roommates...
Worse, that my best friend is not back in Manila yet
Christmas went by in a blur of food and TV programs
I have no spiritual health in me
I don't want to fast because I'm going to fast for all the wrong reasons but maybe it's like what God said to Moses, that he'd only find out who God was only after he led the people out of Egypt... Maybe I'll shut up, and give my pea-sized faith a stretch
I'm a couple of pounds heavier
I will lose bet after bet because I do not trust him
We don't have performance bonus yet... and we may never get one.

And remember:

Long driving with the family to Manila
Getting a facial with Mom
Inang's laugh when she was found out
Meeting Mcol and having loads of fun with her
The four foot tall teddy bear Omar gave Mcol for Christmas
Night with the girls in Serendra and how beautiful we were and how beautiful we still are without the make-up and clothes
That I have a job! A good one where I learn, often the hard way, a lot of things and where nothing is ever boring.
That someone somewhere thinks I'm something and that I'll find out exactly what soon, I hope.
God won't give up on me. God has plans for me.

Cheers!

Let's remember...

2007-12-21T05:57:00.000+08:00

...amidst the holiday stress, the budgets that have been strained beyond all hope, the parties, the gifts and revelations (*wink wink) the babe born in the manger who redeemed me and you by His blood and life to become heirs of grace.

Merry Christmas to all!

Seasons

2007-12-17T11:45:00.000+08:00

You ask me if it all happened in the fullness of time. I honestly can't say. I am not privy to the times He has set for us. But I can tell you that my tummy doesn't feel right about this at all. I did not expect to get that information in that way.

I feel sorely disappointed.

I should watch more TV now...

2007-12-17T08:31:00.000+08:00

I went home from our company Christmas party with:

A Samsung 21 inch TV
A nomination for the JOLT Awards because my senior has a good sense of humor
A pride in Mega B. We won the first prize for best Broadway presentation. All those hours of practice! Hahaha
A desire to watch the Follies De Mwah again. They are great performers.

Life isn't perfect but it is good.

"Galit ka pa rin ba?"

2007-12-16T06:08:00.000+08:00

Like they say, to forgive is human but to forget is divine.

I have chosen to walk a path of forgiveness and if it means that I have to remind myself each time I remember the hurt and feel the indignation that

1) I am a sinner too
2) You are a co-heir of the grace of God in Christ Jesus
3) God is not blind to anything

than I have chosen to do that trusting in His sufficient grace to make up for my lack.

That much I can tell you.

Loosening my Grip

2007-12-11T06:15:00.000+08:00

Okay, I'm one of those marriage freaks. The possibility that I won't get married and have my own family? It has just never occured to me before. I was super secure that I would be a mother and wife. I don't even know where that sense of security was based on. But lately, whatever the base was, it's getting a bit wobbly.

Consequently, I'm getting a bit anxious. I know, I'm only 23. There's years more to go before I turn 27... or 30, should God grant me those years. But now that I'm actually in a place where it's the right time, I'm wondering if there is that right person. Sinful Worry has been creeping in a lot.

And then I was reminded that marriage is a gift for this lifetime only. In heaven, we won't be married anymore. I can't explain it well, but that glimpse from an eternal perspective has helped me loosen my grip on my idol and open my hands to accept what my loving Father plans for me.

Blue Christmas

2007-11-28T10:08:00.000+08:00

I walked into the office on Monday and there was this five foot tree... devoid of balls and ribbons and all the frills. It was sad. I gave it a pat you know. Just a lame attempt to comfort it in it's naked state.

Tuesday morning, I walk in and it's bedecked in blue balls and silver ribbon. I smile because the tree is smiling at me, albeit a bit on the off side. Gotta encourage it to talk you know. It told me blue and silver are really rad colors but they're not Christmassy. I gave it another pat. Hang in there I said.

This morning, it was positively radiant. Nice bling I said when I walked by. It blushed.

Ah, the Christmas season is here.

Talking to Mom

2007-11-20T14:59:00.000+08:00

...doesn't make me feel alone or stupid or silly. she doesn't make me feel needy, clingy or lonely. she understands somehow the emotional swings between wisedom and impulsiveness, the pulling and pushing away, the struggle to remain calm, still and in the right place. somehow my confusion clears up and i am left with only peace. somehow she makes me see that i am loved, that i don't have to panic, that things will come come to pass and that she'll be there for me whatever or whoever turns up on my journey.

she is a blessing that took me a long time to recognize.

Sigh...

2007-11-20T13:01:00.000+08:00

I am confused, frustrated, hurt, proud.

I am also kind, patient, there for you.

What's the matter with me??? I do not need another reason to be angry at myself.

How to Survive a Day in MR

2007-11-19T20:24:00.000+08:00

For those who find themselves staring at their monitors, trying to provide cause analysis for the preferences of fickle-minded consumers:

1. Buy a box of antacids. Ulcer is an occupational hazard of this job. Breakfast at 1PM, Lunch at 4PM and dinner at midnightmakes for pretty holes in your tummy without a handy antacid. Better yet, always stock up on food.

2. Always take three breathes before replying whenever you feel like cutting heads off.

3. Just as you never mess with the people who make your food, never mess with the people who handle your fieldwork. Sometimes, it's best to ask to risk client ire than having low quality data.

4. Learn when to act as a boss and when to be a friend. A little compassion on people who have just worked for 72 hours straight goes a long long way.

5. Celebrate the little things in life like the ritual of taking off the project specs off your board because the project is finished, like lunches with officemates at Almon Marina, and clocking out at 9PM.

Higad

2007-11-19T15:09:00.000+08:00

Iba na ang simoy ng hangin...

2007-11-15T05:22:00.000+08:00

...o mga basang basang basang pantalong ko lang un? Nabaliw na ba ang panahon o ano? (...or is that just my wet wet wet jeans? Was that crazy weather or what?!)

Akala ko, tumila na siya (ain't you so proud of me Carlo?) pero isa pala itong pagpapanggap para ako'y lumabas na at lumakad na papuntang opisina. At ng (nang?) makalabas ako at makalayo lang ng limang metro sa bahay namin, aba!, ayan na, bumuhos ang loko. Sira ang aking... ano na nga ba ang "poise" sa filipino?

Nahihirapan na ako. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ng kaisipan (thought ba ito?) na baka may ilang munting barangay ng bacteria (technical terms are excused) ang kasalukuyang namumuhay sa aking paa at ibabang bahagi ng aking binti (legs daw ito sabi ni joy)... Kahit magbuhos ako ng maraming alkohol, hindi pa rin ako mapakali...

At ayan, gagawa daw ako ng ilang questionnaire para sa mga bagong proyekto. Eto ako ulit, nangangapa sa munting nalalaman na Tagalog... Mabuhay ang Market Research!

Girl thinks out loud

2007-11-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

I’ve been thinking a lot (and for a long time) about myself and my being a woman and what that’s supposed to mean, if anything. Did God just process this statistically and figured a good sample spread would be a 50-50 split between the sexes and there’s this randomization scheme in heaven where I was randomly picked to be a woman, whatever that may mean?

Of course that doesn’t fit in with how deliberately and wisely planned the rest of creation is and how God is an eternal, powerful, wise Being who is so other worldly as to strike fear in the heart of me. The good sort of fear of course. The honoring, respecting and loving sort of fear.

I’ve mentioned that this “What is a woman of God? Who is this woman? Why is she a woman?” phase has been ongoing for quite sometime now. I don’t have all my answers down yet and I suspect I won’t completely understand this until I’m face to face with my Savior. But I’m going to think out loud here and share the lessons so far.

Most important thing I’ve learned to date is from the book of Genesis (and hulled by reading a lot of other books on being a woman, dating and marriage). God created woman by taking a rib out of Adam and forming her.

“And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (Genesis 2:22)

It took me a long time for it to sink in that: 1. God deliberately makes a woman and 2. Eve was a woman before being called a woman by Adam.

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” (Genesis 2:23)

The first point means my sexuality is not an accident. God initiated it, God created it. In the same way that He has lovingly created me to be a melancholic, neat freak, book geek, He has created me a woman. There has got to be a purpose to this, a uniqueness in how I am to reflect His glory to the world and how I was created to respond to God, to men and to other women. This was something Carolyn Mahaney talked about in one of the sermons I downloaded from the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, but what can I say, I’m a slow learner.

The second point means I am a woman with or without a man, with or without the clothes/make-up. The environment I grew up does not make me any less or more a woman than I was created to be. So while we have varying degrees of kakikayan, there isn’t a cut-off that determines that you are a woman. Created and raised in different countries and domestic situations does not change this fact either. I am not more of a woman if my mother allowed me to experiment with her make-up and wear her high heels when I was five and I’m not any less of a woman if I climbed trees, scraped my knees raw and enjoyed biking (yes, some of our relatives were aghast to know I did these things!). My femininity doesn’t rest on the fact that I was dressed in, uhm, dresses and given dolls and was encouraged to play house, bake cookies, etc. From the very start of my existence, I was created to be a woman. I am a woman.

This has been all incredibly freeing for me and has given me a fresh spark of hope. But, I do apologize, I have to go check on my widdle project now. Will write on this more soon.

Giggles

2007-10-31T15:27:00.000+08:00

*Takes a deep breath

Praise God for a great harvest because God sent rains; that my brothers passed all their subjects(Cheers bros!); my D-Group at CCF and how they've welcomed me and shocked me with their prayers; the Honest Sex series at CCF, Tony Wood, Paul Tanchi and all the other speakers who were really great at taking all these issues apart in the Light of God's Word; Kuya Butch and all his fatherly advice and for laying out a gameplan ten thousand years ago; Ate Jojee and her being there to assure me I am not the most EQ-less, hopeless gal on the block; my friends Nellie and Joy and their tough gentle love and admonitions and for their knack of neatly summarizing what is really going on in my life; 100 placed interviews for my widdle project Ferdinand; a new contract in my drawer and all the allowances that come with being a full-fledged Research Associate; for Pastor Jonathan and his talk on DTRs and guy-girl friendships even if I went home battered and bruised dahil sa dami ng tumama sa akin; for God's provision for my dental emergencies (Mwah Joyce and Joy!); for the good strong immune system so I haven't been sick despite being surrounded in the office by sick people; for my Dad getting better from his asthma and his great blood test results; and for Mom who I can tell everything (well, almost everything) to and who is so cool as to finish reading HP 1-5 in two months.

I'm headed home tomorrow!!! So excited! Not too happy about spending my entire day travelling though. I'll travel to Pangasinan and then when I get there, the whole family is driving to Ilocos Sur. It's a little crazy but must make a conscious effort to make it work for the family not be a snobbish brat by plugging on my headphones and listening to my Ipod.

I'm also on this dare thing. I don't know what's going to happen three days from now but hopefully I'll have a clearer head and heart to handle my side of the story with wisdom, grace and love. Good Lord, it's going to be weird but healthy for me to have a look in the mirror and face the facts...

Playlist "Holding Hands" for the next five days:

He will Carry Me - Mark Schultz

Strong Enough - Stacie Orrico

Boston - Augustana

River Constantine - Jars of Clay

I Am - Mark Schultz

Somebody Loved - The Weepies

Empty Days - Augustana

Walking her Home - Mark Schultz

The Eject Button

2007-10-26T06:21:00.000+08:00

"Ayoko na!!! I don't want this kind of life anymore. Sarap maging wife na lang... Magpapakasal na ako! Tara na ! Sana mabuntis na ako! Para sa bahay na lang muna ako. Konting linis lang, konting luto... Oh that's the life!!! Sana mabuntis na lang ako!"

--- Harassed Officemate

I never thought of marriage as an eject button to bail me out of a career that was flying out of control. But as I get more and more stressed, I gotta say, it sounds interesting.

krissy's porch

Armed and fabulous

The Last Say

25!!!

Tower Mode

Pictures!

How is your heart?

How is your heart?

How is your heart?

Bittersweet

LDR

Healing

10

Go for Gold

New Guy In the Office

Song of the Moment

Strike fear

Not so date-less after all

First Valentines

Fail!

Blog worthy daw sabi ni friend

Yesterday...

TLW Talk Using Car Metaphor

Leave

Meet the Team

On postponing a "Big Event"

Waste of Pink and Blue Paint

9 days to my Christmas break

It's that time of the year

Red wine moment

Sino ang paborito ni Mom...?

Precious Moments

The 15th again!

Joining the Bandwagon

Moves

Heel no!

Watch the mouth

For 09242008

Word for the month: Calvinism

Kikay Alert!

sulat

Semblance of Control

Breathe

Stalker Alert!

The Registry

I heart L'Oreal True Match Minerals

Recommended Friday Reading: Stuff Christians Like

In much fear and trembling

Let the Dark Knight Swallow the Titanic

Naisip ko lang kahapon...

Wanted: Picornavirus or Coronavirus

Warmed

To the very bones

Not So Bad Monday, Give me Five!

Two Steps Up the Ladder

Bursting at the seams

Forget Post-it (TM)

misty eyed

Christ have mercy

30 things guys should know about girls

Keeel me now

Hopscotch

Forbidden Expectations

Project LIFE Timelines

Surround Me

Give me my numbers!

Ich liebe dich

I feel...

Circus Freak

Sweet!

Hurrah!

New Book!

On Money, More Chocolates and Michelle Obama

Pyrolympics 2008

Meet Wuji

Hand me that Skin

Shattered

Magandang Balita

Comforting those who mourn

Agape